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Be My Rimworld Pawns

Mr._Bambu said:
Psycho has never dipped into child age, but the odds of a 30 year old (the colony average age these days) dating a 19 year old (consistently the lower bound of Psycho's age) are pretty low in-game.

Now then, some updates, since I didn't provide any for awhile (I was streaming the game to @PsychoWarper @Drite77 and our new colonist, @GreyFang82, among others):
  • We built a nuclear reactor and it immediately ***** exploded because I'm so ***** stupid holy shit. It was like 90 celsius inside of the reactor room so the thing made the sky green and killed all of our plants with radiation poisoning. It's fixed now, but I can honestly say that this was the single most stressful thing that's happened so far. It makes this little beep sound when certain things happen- like plants dying. It happened like twenty times before I realized what was happening. I had to send @Shmooply and @Comiphorous in to fix it since the thing outright said that it was the end of the colony if left alone for more than a few hours like that.
  • Speaking of Comiphorous, you got your new leg: you now have possibly the highest speed achievable.
  • @Epiccheev's daughter got spawnkilled by vikings. They invaded and just destroyed her. I thought I might be able to be cheeky to get her to live but, nope. She's buried now, perhaps we'll resurrect her someday but I needed Psycho's magic shit psychic powers to consume bodies, not bring one back to life.
  • I've replaced @Crabwhale's nuclear stomach with an archotech power core, so he's essentially Iron Man and literally does not need to eat anymore. The stomach went to Grunt, @Drite77's son.
  • I've learned that @azontr is leading the Most Dead Kids statistic with three dead children. Crab being his son makes Crab the outlier of the family tree. Dude ***** like a medieval peasant just hoping one survives to tend the farm when he's gone.
  • Casa de Bambu (official name of the inn for now, recommend something if you want) is a success however hungry and dirty hippy types keep showing up with no money for a room or food. They just follow people around and beg for food. This does, however, make them extremely content with life, so more power to them. I have added some cheaper rooms in the far back that are cold as hell because of proximity to one of the vending machines (it needs to be refrigerated). @GreyFang82 arrived at an opportune time, because I was mulling over who to strap to this place- and he arrives with a high social skill! We have our steward.
  • I have advanced our civilization to the point that we can airdrop in a full-on army and also call in nuclear air strikes and transport pods. We;re living the high life, kings.
  • The last thing I did was send out a raid of some of our new recruits to deal with a furry bandit encampment. What I was not aware of were the flamethrowers. We got our ass KICKED. Everyone went down except for one person, who did manage to win the day but ultimately died on the way back home. They all arrived incapacitated, I don't even know how they made it back- I think our army of elephant mounts just ***** carried them.
  • Also: @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara has probability hax now.
Click to expand...
The reactor exploded?! Why did I had to sleep before seeing that :(.

Also seeing Matilda running for her life was quite funny to see kek, I thought she had a chance
 
Mr._Bambu said:
It happened like twenty times before I realized what was happening. I had to send @Shmooply and @Comiphorous in to fix it since the thing outright said that it was the end of the colony if left alone for more than a few hours like that.
Click to expand...
naw dawg look at our chernobyl liquidators we gonna die 😭
Wh2PX1h.png
 
  • We have more vampires, @azontr and @GreyFang82. I would have given it to Crab but he said he didn't want the superpowers.
  • @PsychoWarper has a child named Gert. Just Gert. The game generated it. I've been giggling at the name for awhile now.
  • I have confirmed that despite being entirely gay that @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara is indeed still *******, this game is hateful and must be destroyed, inshallah inshallah etc etc
  • I've now seen the funniest bit of successful flirtation, done by myself towards @ImmortalDread. I said the word "dessert" and, instantly, relationship formed. Fellas, it's just that easy. You may fascinate a woman with prospects of dessert. A shame all of those foreign leaders didn't try that.
  • I continue to upgrade @Comiphorous to be the ultimate army-wiping demigod. His bones have been replaced with a metallic exoskeleton. Next up, rocket thrusters.
  • We've begun selling opium to the visitors of Casa de Bambu. We even have it in a lil vending machine.
  • A dire raid ****** up our citadel a bit and caused one of our soldiers to perish a mere day after recruiting him. Ashes to ashes and whatnot, but we captured some of them so our numbers are easily replenished.
  • We've begun installing Neuralink (AI aim assistants) into the higher tier shooters amongst you, namely Fujiwara, Dread, @Setsuna_tenma and @BasedNecoScaler69. Don't worry, no monkeys have ever died in testing neuralink, they were all terminally ill, there's nothing to fear.
progress has been slow today, we're out of damn components and I don't want to make more so we're off a-minin'.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
I have confirmed that despite being entirely gay that @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara is indeed still *****, this game is hateful and must be destroyed, inshallah inshallah etc etc
Click to expand...
Don't worry, I've called the cops and your PC will be destroyed within the hour (y)
Mr._Bambu said:
We've begun installing Neuralink (AI aim assistants) into the higher tier shooters amongst you, namely Fujiwara, Dread, @Setsuna_tenma and @BasedNecoScaler69. Don't worry, no monkeys have ever died in testing neuralink, they were all terminally ill, there's nothing to fear.
Click to expand...
awesome i love dying to ethically dubious human experimentation
 
yeah I dunno if there's a way to just force divorce azontr, it feels weird and like maybe the game doesn't register anything as wrong since you were given the "gay" modifier later? I'll see if there's anything I can do.

edit: it seems like I should just try to force you two apart and it should happen. was hoping for a console command or something but this works.
 
Last edited:
Waiting for Dread to inevitably make a post related to one of her fanfictions involving Fuji and a random VSBW member.
 
Drite77 said:
You need to give us some poker to male us stop *****
Click to expand...
You guys have billiards and roulette tables and holographic entertainment and an ipad-table and darts and punching bags and arcade machines.

I've done everything I can to protect your virginity brother, I can do no more
 
Sidenote, I don't think Bambu said it before, but apparently he really likes to use @Comiphorous on fights, and I can see why, they just make things on fire and explode stuff and they can summon a giant orbital laser that takes 1 year to activate and hurst some peeps.

It is a pyrotechnician's dream and it is beautiful '-'
 
Mr._Bambu said:
You guys have billiards and roulette tables and holographic entertainment and an ipad-table and darts and punching bags and arcade machines.

I've done everything I can to protect your virginity brother, I can do no more
Click to expand...
It's time for drastic measures.
Download League of Legends
 
Mr._Bambu said:
  • We have more vampires, @azontr and @GreyFang82. I would have given it to Crab but he said he didn't want the superpowers.
  • @PsychoWarper has a child named Gert. Just Gert. The game generated it. I've been giggling at the name for awhile now.
  • I have confirmed that despite being entirely gay that @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara is indeed still *****, this game is hateful and must be destroyed, inshallah inshallah etc etc
  • I've now seen the funniest bit of successful flirtation, done by myself towards @ImmortalDread. I said the word "dessert" and, instantly, relationship formed. Fellas, it's just that easy. You may fascinate a woman with prospects of dessert. A shame all of those foreign leaders didn't try that.
  • I continue to upgrade @Comiphorous to be the ultimate army-wiping demigod. His bones have been replaced with a metallic exoskeleton. Next up, rocket thrusters.
  • We've begun selling opium to the visitors of Casa de Bambu. We even have it in a lil vending machine.
  • A dire raid ***** up our citadel a bit and caused one of our soldiers to perish a mere day after recruiting him. Ashes to ashes and whatnot, but we captured some of them so our numbers are easily replenished.
  • We've begun installing Neuralink (AI aim assistants) into the higher tier shooters amongst you, namely Fujiwara, Dread, @Setsuna_tenma and @BasedNecoScaler69. Don't worry, no monkeys have ever died in testing neuralink, they were all terminally ill, there's nothing to fear.
progress has been slow today, we're out of damn components and I don't want to make more so we're off a-minin'.
Click to expand...
I've become the terminator.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
You guys have billiards and roulette tables and holographic entertainment and an ipad-table and darts and punching bags and arcade machines.

I've done everything I can to protect your virginity brother, I can do no more
Click to expand...
Ive found making yourself like 18 is rather effective
 
Mr._Bambu said:
You guys have billiards and roulette tables and holographic entertainment and an ipad-table and darts and punching bags and arcade machines.

I've done everything I can to protect your virginity brother, I can do no more
Click to expand...
Do we have a weight room with barbells an' shit.
 
bro gets turned into a kitchen appliance and is still trying to lift
 
I WILL dismiss the Luciferum allegations Crabwhale is facing
 
If any of y'all wanna rename your weapons btw, I installed a mod to do that. Comiphorous isn't allowed because I named his sword myself (Lord's Talon). Everyone else is fair game, your weapons are as follows:
  • @Drite77: Salvaged laser rifle, steel combat knife (good) as sidearm
  • @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: Relic bolt sniper rifle (it explodes, so much friendly fire), eltex mace (good) as sidearm
  • @azontr: Gercasador, steel persona power sword
  • @PsychoWarper: Illithid staff (legendary)
  • @Setsuna_tenma: Charge rifle (normal), steel knife (normal) as sidearm
  • @ImmortalDread: Stub HMG, steel gladius (normal) as sidearm
  • @Shmooply: Agony-Overloader, uranium mechanicus power sword
  • @Epiccheev: Relic stub carbine, plasteel knife (normal) as sidearm
  • @BasedNecoScaler69: Charge rifle (excellent), steel combat knife (excellent) as sidearm
  • @Armorchompy: Galvanic rifle, steel seax (excellent) as sidearm
  • @GreyFang82: Steel Omnisian axe
 
For the record he found a Persona chainsword for me, it was renamed Occam's Razor at my behest.
 
I like Blightbearer more, it shall be done
 
Mr._Bambu said:
If any of y'all wanna rename your weapons btw, I installed a mod to do that. Comiphorous isn't allowed because I named his sword myself (Lord's Talon). Everyone else is fair game, your weapons are as follows:
  • @Drite77: Salvaged laser rifle, steel combat knife (good) as sidearm
  • @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: Relic bolt sniper rifle (it explodes, so much friendly fire), eltex mace (good) as sidearm
  • @azontr: Gercasador, steel persona power sword
  • @PsychoWarper: Illithid staff (legendary)
  • @Setsuna_tenma: Charge rifle (normal), steel knife (normal) as sidearm
  • @ImmortalDread: Stub HMG, steel gladius (normal) as sidearm
  • @Shmooply: Agony-Overloader, uranium mechanicus power sword
  • @Epiccheev: Relic stub carbine, plasteel knife (normal) as sidearm
  • @BasedNecoScaler69: Charge rifle (excellent), steel combat knife (excellent) as sidearm
  • @Armorchompy: Galvanic rifle, steel seax (excellent) as sidearm
  • @GreyFang82: Steel Omnisian axe
Click to expand...
Can't think of a name for the sniper rifle, but please call the mace Mickey's Dick Smasher.
 
azontr said:
You never exactly explained what a persona weapon is.
Click to expand...
It's a weapon with a sentient AI "persona" stored within it. This means that the persona has traits that alter how the weapon functions (your sword, for example, cleanses you of disease and makes you euphoric after you kill something) and also syncs with the user, causing a significant boost in attack speed. The specific traits of the weapons can be tampered with in crude ways (reroll all traits to a random new one, add a new random trait, remove a trait, destroy one persona weapon and implant one of its traits onto another).
 
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