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Be My Rimworld Pawns

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PsychoWarper said:
Says who? I have no need of Vampirism to escape the confines of time and afaik I can eventually keep others with me.

THE LAWS OF TIME BELONG TO ME BAMBINO!!
Click to expand...
That's damn true. You're currently biologically 17, Chronologically 30 and including your time skip stuff probably around 80-90.

Also: I had an idea. Could you suck years off of Shmooply? His ageless feature says he stops aging, so he is biologically like 28 forever. Could you drop years on him for free? If so, we would need less prisoners. I'll report back.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
On a similar note, recruitment for the eventual Super Soldier program is begun, and we have the outline of what those super soldiers are gonna look like. Waiting on a few more combat-oriented traits before committing, we have all these processors so we may as well make that shit complicated.
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I better be the first one under the knife. I will consider your run failed if I am not the deadliest single thing on the the entire planet by the end of it (excluding psychic powers).
 
the vampire xenotype is just objectively better though
 
🤔

Do whatever you think is best, so long as the girth that is my strength continues enthickening.
 
Crabwhale said:
🤔

Do whatever you think is best, so long as the girth that is my strength continues enthickening
Click to expand...
This reminds me that I should share the slave prices of all of you.
 
Foreword: Slave prices are the market value each of you would be worth as a slave. It includes any and all organs you're missing (as well as overall current health conditions, such as cataracts, heart attacks, etc) and bionics installed, and seems to be affected by other things like skills too. Psycasting may or may not contribute to the value, unsure, but if it does it is disproportionately underrepresented in the valuation as its probably the most valuable thing any of you have. Xenotype also does not appear to contribute significantly, as the sanguophage gene appears to sell at roughly the same value as baseliners (that is, normal people).

Prices (Highest to Lowest):
  1. Crabwhale: s20,725
  2. azontr: s16,715
  3. Comiphorous: s13,230
  4. Epiccheev: s6,995
  5. Shmooply: s6,605
  6. PsychoWarper: s4,755
  7. ImmortalDread: s4,205
  8. Bambu: s4,060
  9. Setsuna_tenma: s2,480
  10. Armorchompy: s2,315
  11. Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: s2,140
  12. Drite77: s1,890
  13. BasedNecoScaler: s1,105
 
the Bionic Freak Squad dominates the valuation chart solely because Crab's brain is implanted with like 10k worth of random shit we found alone.

don't even get me started on his rocket-powered skeletal system.

anyways.

  • @ImmortalDread and @Crabwhale are the first grandparents, congratulations.
  • Crab, @Comiphorous and @Drite77 have developed intense friendships simply because they all work next to each other: Drite and Comiphorous are constantly manning long-range mineral scanners right next to Crab operating a deep mining drill. They're buds :)
  • Our primary fortifications are built. Ground-based attacks will probably just die to these. Still needs some adjusting but for the most part, the Citadel is complete. Next step: vehicles.
  • I've decided to build an inn for hospitality income. One of you will be strapped to it, dunno who.
  • The super soldier project proceeds well. That top row is all the genes we're gonna slap into some of you *************. I'm waiting on a couple more core elements. I've decided to forego adding weaknesses, we're just going to have all of you be comically overpowered in return for needing to eat 7,000 calories a day. This is MASSIVELY helped by the fact that we captured a Hussar in a raid (Hussars being the in-universe gene warrior species). We're gonna harvest that guy and improve upon him, gonna be great.
  • @ImmortalDread was beaten nearly to death by a pack of rhinos. It cost her leg but that's not a big deal these days.
  • We had another massive city siege, this time offering about 75% more value. We're much better armed, I offered **** it, why not, and launched ourselves over to help. We had a better position in terms of fortifying- the place was over half just water with platforms built over it, so we fortified the shit out of the platforms and built lightweight kill corridors. First wave went down instantly to one (1) IED I placed, second wave was similarly pretty easy (the kill corridor on the side they attacked from was unfortunately shorter than the other side, so the enemies did actually get to fight us). At the third wave it became problematic, and it went downhill. Nobody died, however, which means we are improving. Lotta you went down though, and @ImmortalDread's gun blew up. I think there's probably a lot of lost limbs around too, didn't get a good chance to check. Fact is, @azontr got to do his killskip thing again and slaughtered a lot of people in doing so, @Shmooply took over as medic since as a vampire he can instant-stabilize people at the cost of hemogen (I had him eat a lot of the enemy for hemogen) and @Comiphorous just... stopped fighting, at some point? After going down the first time he made himself into a prisoner and was no longer on our team, although I could still force him to attack manually. Was a bit worried we'd lost him entirely there to a glitch but he came with us on the world map. Major wounds were sustained by @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara, @Epiccheev, @Setsuna_tenma, @BasedNecoScaler69, @Drite77, and @Armorchompy.
  • The WORST part of the siege was the fact that we got raided at home during it, when there were only children and like four pawns left. The only upside here is that a trade caravan was standing in my kill corridor so they fought one another, which mixed with the defenses I've erected, was enough to make this particular raid **** off. One of the kids has rot lung now though due to the raiders being the rotfish xenotype.
 
Damn I didnt do shit.

Also my character doesn’t have a lover/wife, has no specific close friends and spends all his time doing weird shit.
Click to expand...

Damn Bambu you did a great job at making my dude just like me.
 
PsychoWarper said:
Damn I didnt do shit.



Damn Bambu you did a great job at making my dude just like me.
Click to expand...
You did. I ****** up with the fortifications on one of the sides because I didn't think they'd pathfind towards it. Well they did. Liferot for them all.
 
Crabwhale said:
What's our killcount up at.
Click to expand...
Comiphorous: 100
azontr: 84
Crabwhale: 69 (nice)
Shmooply: 66
BasedNecoScaler69: 54
ImmortalDread: 53
Setsuna_tenma: 41
Epiccheev: 16
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: 14
Drite77: 13
Mr._Bambu: 13
PsychoWarper: 10
Armorchompy: 4
 
Mr._Bambu said:
Comiphorous: 100
azontr: 84
Crabwhale: 69 (nice)
Shmooply: 66
BasedNecoScaler69: 54
ImmortalDread: 53
Setsuna_tenma: 41
Epiccheev: 16
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: 14
Drite77: 13
Mr._Bambu: 13
PsychoWarper: 10
Armorchompy: 4
Click to expand...
I must continue biggering.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
Crab, @Comiphorous and @Drite77 have developed intense friendships simply because they all work next to each other: Drite and Comiphorous are constantly manning long-range mineral scanners right next to Crab operating a deep mining drill. They're buds
Click to expand...
Buddies for life!
Mr._Bambu said:
@ImmortalDread and @Crabwhale are the first grandparents, congratulations.
Click to expand...
Congrats I guess '-'
Mr._Bambu said:
Major wounds were sustained by @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara, @Epiccheev, @Setsuna_tenma, @BasedNecoScaler69, @Drite77, and @Armorchompy.
Click to expand...
I'll live that, don't worry
 
Mr._Bambu said:
You did. I ***** up with the fortifications on one of the sides because I didn't think they'd pathfind towards it. Well they did. Liferot for them all.
Click to expand...
Imagine being one of those Soliders:

Raiding some city, damn these guys are really strong, oh shit I found a place without fortifications, can save my bois and I now have super aids
Click to expand...
 
Mr._Bambu said:
Comiphorous: 100
azontr: 84
Crabwhale: 69 (nice)
Shmooply: 66
BasedNecoScaler69: 54
ImmortalDread: 53
Setsuna_tenma: 41
Epiccheev: 16
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara: 14
Drite77: 13
Mr._Bambu: 13
PsychoWarper: 10
Armorchompy: 4
Click to expand...
My excessive amounts of slaughter pleases me.
 
(I should also note, since the lack of women in your life seems to distress you @PsychoWarper, that Raywolfen is a chick)

probably less updates today than otherwise. Fleaux! calls.
 
Drite77 said:
The Rimworld Pawn's strange and strong libido gets everyone one day
Click to expand...
I would not describe Rimworld as inherently degenerate but the tools for degeneracy are certainly present and powerful. There's even a gene called efficient reproduction, and implants that control libido. Now, mechanically, it makes sense- it gives agency over things like child rearing, since child rearing can be a pain in the ass and has a lot of depth to it- you need someone to take care of the kids at basically all hours of the day, and you need to slightly adjust basically all of your work orders (the social folks now have to teach lessons, builders have to accomodate, cooks gotta make baby food, tailors gotta make kid clothes, etc).

So there's a perfectly justifiable reason for the game giving as much attention to this facet of the game as it does. But it's still weird.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
(I should also note, since the lack of women in your life seems to distress you @PsychoWarper, that Raywolfen is a chick)

probably less updates today than otherwise. Fleaux! calls.
Click to expand...
Hmm, also I didnt really think about it earlier but Raywolfen is such an odd name lol.

Also its mostly a joke, my character is simply on his Lich grind set and doesnt have time for w*men.
 
Stop trying to make others into unwitting pedophiles you sick ****.
 
Psycho has never dipped into child age, but the odds of a 30 year old (the colony average age these days) dating a 19 year old (consistently the lower bound of Psycho's age) are pretty low in-game.

Now then, some updates, since I didn't provide any for awhile (I was streaming the game to @PsychoWarper @Drite77 and our new colonist, @GreyFang82, among others):
  • We built a nuclear reactor and it immediately ******* exploded because I'm so ******* stupid holy shit. It was like 90 celsius inside of the reactor room so the thing made the sky green and killed all of our plants with radiation poisoning. It's fixed now, but I can honestly say that this was the single most stressful thing that's happened so far. It makes this little beep sound when certain things happen- like plants dying. It happened like twenty times before I realized what was happening. I had to send @Shmooply and @Comiphorous in to fix it since the thing outright said that it was the end of the colony if left alone for more than a few hours like that.
  • Speaking of Comiphorous, you got your new leg: you now have possibly the highest speed achievable.
  • @Epiccheev's daughter got spawnkilled by vikings. They invaded and just destroyed her. I thought I might be able to be cheeky to get her to live but, nope. She's buried now, perhaps we'll resurrect her someday but I needed Psycho's magic shit psychic powers to consume bodies, not bring one back to life.
  • I've replaced @Crabwhale's nuclear stomach with an archotech power core, so he's essentially Iron Man and literally does not need to eat anymore. The stomach went to Grunt, @Drite77's son.
  • I've learned that @azontr is leading the Most Dead Kids statistic with three dead children. Crab being his son makes Crab the outlier of the family tree. Dude ***** like a medieval peasant just hoping one survives to tend the farm when he's gone.
  • Casa de Bambu (official name of the inn for now, recommend something if you want) is a success however hungry and dirty hippy types keep showing up with no money for a room or food. They just follow people around and beg for food. This does, however, make them extremely content with life, so more power to them. I have added some cheaper rooms in the far back that are cold as hell because of proximity to one of the vending machines (it needs to be refrigerated). @GreyFang82 arrived at an opportune time, because I was mulling over who to strap to this place- and he arrives with a high social skill! We have our steward.
  • I have advanced our civilization to the point that we can airdrop in a full-on army and also call in nuclear air strikes and transport pods. We;re living the high life, kings.
  • The last thing I did was send out a raid of some of our new recruits to deal with a furry bandit encampment. What I was not aware of were the flamethrowers. We got our ass KICKED. Everyone went down except for one person, who did manage to win the day but ultimately died on the way back home. They all arrived incapacitated, I don't even know how they made it back- I think our army of elephant mounts just ******* carried them.
  • Also: @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara has probability hax now.
 
Mr._Bambu said:
I've learned that @azontr is leading the Most Dead Kids statistic with three dead children. Crab being his son makes Crab the outlier of the family tree. Dude ***** like a medieval peasant just hoping one survives to tend the farm when he's gone.
Click to expand...
You're the last to carry on my bloodline @Crabwhale. Preserve my legacy.
 
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