Be My Rimworld Pawns: Season 3

[Mr. Bambu]

• The Unending Pigman siege continues. It's been seven consecutive sieges, announced all in order before the first one even ended. This is ****** up.
• I've decided to give the Darth Vader treatment to @Rakih_Elyan finally: our plasmasword-wielding sage will now receive powerful bionic legs to make him capable of rushing down enemies to melee kill them. He has decent psy-sensitivity (138%), so I may make him a royal for this, if only so he can get some rudimentary psychic powers. It isn't quite as exciting without VPE, but it's still good Lore.
• We have decided on the cyberbrain-superpower dilemma with a coin flip. Therefore: @Lawiegg will receive a turbo-advanced cyberbrain (the same model we have in @Crabwhale, in fact) while @Arceus0x shall receive super powers via nanite injection. Now, I hear you: "Bambu, isn't this downing three pawns via medical shit while a huge train of sieges is going on?" Yes, but the sieges appear neverending anyways, so **** it. Better early than never.
• One of our newer recruits tried to flirt with @Tllmbrg and then immediately after @DMUA. She then talked to another colonist about vomiting. This romance story arc is truly riveting, to think it all took place within our food freezer.
• A trade ship came while one of our pets was in the landing spot. It made a squish sound and I feared the worst. Luckily, apparently, "squish" mean "nudged to the edge of the landing zone" and not "pulverized and landed on". So we have that going for us, which is nice.
• An exotic goods trader brings wares: a masterwork jump pack for @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch, and an AI assistant with an intellectual module for @Topaz404, who is now more than ever a human computer.
• A MASSIVE infestation spawned... mostly inside @Rakih_Elyan's bedroom. Rough. During the fighting both Rakih and @Armorchompy got taken down, turns out they excel much better against non-melee combatants in close quarters. Car-sized murder insects are a bit much. Both lived, both are fine. Other than that, only wounded was @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch who was shot in the back by @DMUA about 15 times with a machine gun, I placed them poorly in the hallway.
• I named it Femur Destroyer, as more people liked DMUA's comment and I agree with the spirit of the name.
• Turns out, @Rakih_Elyan likes having a ******* awful bedroom. The bug guts and shit hanging off every wall brings him a sense of calm as an ascetic. How convenient.
• I don't think I mentioned it but there's this undead dragon that has fought every raid that shows up for about 1.5 in-game years, and it has survived thus far. We don't kill him purely because he enters combat with basically every raid against us. They always take him down after a lot of gunfire, but he can't actually bleed to death so it's just a long regeneration process for him to get back to fighting fit. He's lost his tail and he has a good amount of scars, but otherwise he's still just chilling outside our fortress, so I've named him Valefarion and have granted him honorary citizenship of the Legion. We take whatever natural defenses we can get. I contemplated having @Lawiegg tame him but I like the idea of him being free and fighting of his own volition.
• There was a contract on the market for 20 ladies hats made of rhinoceros leather- we had exactly 1007 rhino leather, and it takes 50 leather per hat. So we had a perfect amount to do it. As if this were not enough of a sign, the markup value on the market was 647% (the highest I've seen), such that these 20 hats are worth almost 30,000 silver. An insane amount by all accounts, and so I consign @Tllmbrg to do nothing but make ladies hats for a few days.
• Every now and then @Rakih_Elyan's legs despawn.
• A "group of thugs" hailing from the Profaned Legion demanded almost 20000 silver to protect us from outside threats, potentially even those from them. We don't have that sort of money on hand anyways, but it's a funny premise, given that the Profaned Legion is almost certainly the weakest faction on this planet barring maybe the wookies. I dare 'em, I double-dog dare 'em to try something.

I haven't been playing much lately, since some friends picked up Magic the Gathering: Arena (@PsychoWarper) and I tried to not hate that game again. But, update is here. I continue on.