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Be My Rimworld Pawns Season 2

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Homie Crab might be right you gotta get these asdictive substances under control.
You don't know what you ask me to do.

Essentially, the booze is put out on shelves right now, and sold to anyone visiting the Pie-Eyed Boar. This includes beer, ale, and wine, which we normally have about 20-30 units of at any given time (each, although winter makes this tighter). Removing this removes the functionality of the Pie-Eyed Boar somewhat. I can't forbid it as otherwise we can't do anything else to it either (like haul it), I can't put it in an inaccessible area, so...

just have some self control, yeah? **** you. Get over it. Stop drinking. We have other vices to engage in. Coffee, cigarettes... just stop ******* drinking, you degenerates.
 
I mean im not the one struggling with self-control, as far as I can tell I dont have any substance abuse issues.

All these punks can’t stay off the addictive substances.
 
I mean im not the one struggling with self-control, as far as I can tell I dont have any substance abuse issues.

All these punks can’t stay off the addictive substances.
you are dead and have been for generations.
 
  • We bought a bronze trash bin, because they're outside our tech range but passively cleans up filth around it. I put it in the prison of Castle Aegis.
  • My wife and @Tllmbrg's wife (both pregnant) got into a fist fight in the freezer. Proud to say my wife kicked his wife's ass.
  • We started on a set of necromancer armor for @PsychoWarper, crafted of course by @Epiccheev (who I would currently consider the most valuable pawn when we're not ripping out throats and such, huge crafting mixed with magical capabilities is nuts)- it will cut in half the cost for Psycho to maintain his undead, which means (reading the fine print) that Psycho can control 2x the undead. By default he was already controlling 6, I think I will take that number to ten and have a squad of them just constantly on-guard.
  • I built a jewelry store, mostly just as a place to store the gems we've mined out and potentially craft some jewelry for the socially-inclined amongst us. I'll probably allow visitors into it to sell it off. On a whim, I will declare the place @Da3ggman's, since he's the highest leveled smith who isn't prioritized on armor and weapons.
  • @Crabwhale is the first result of Soul Alchemy, we made him more adept at combat, deal more damage when he hits, removed his ability to flinch from pain, made him better at retaining skills... the list goes on. In return, he just needs to eat... a lot.
 
I summon Ancient Gear Golem in attack position
1251.SGX1-END01s.jpg
 
  • @Armorchompy valiantly defended Castle Aegis against an incursion of Deep Ones alongside the rest of our rank and file (once again, because they generally don't care about movement speed penalties, our sandbag barrier has not gotten its fair shot at full effectiveness)- while doing so, his loyal pet, Jack the Ripper Hound, lost its life defending him from the melee at the uranium barricade. We also lost another of Psycho's undead, Silisum, although this is not so saddening.
  • Now that @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara has written two tomes of knowledge for the Castle (one for Intellectual titled Complete Technomancy, and one for the art of martial combat titled the Lexicon of Hardened Steel), @PsychoWarper has his time to be chained to the writers desk. Literally. I do not allow him to leave.
  • We were having a bit of a food crisis so I bought hundreds of meals for us from our settlements. No more food crisis. (note: when I say "food crisis" I don't mean "out of food"- I mean it was basically all pemmican, hard tack, and shit tons of insect meat- I've since begun improving the quality of our farmlands)
  • We're hosting a knight of the Imperium named Ernesto. He needs to be kept happy so I gave him @Epiccheev's old bedroom (sorry), but luckily we just finished your new one (so I'm not sorry anymore). We've got you living in cold, regal bliss. This should help @GreyFang82 ascend to the rank of Knight with the Imperium as well, which means he can trade with them.
  • We're resurrecting @GreyFang82's wife Malvina, who has been dead for almost three in-game years. Decided to do this when I took a head count of children currently born at the colony: @Arceus0x and @Nierre have four (Ozymandias, Alexander, Elizabeth, and Cleopatra), I have three (Samuel, Sybil, and Cheery), and @Tllmbrg has two daughters (Glasya and Zariel).
  • @Rakih_Elyan is the first bearer of our gilded armor forged from hardened adamantine, an armet that affords him protection comparable to a full set of steel plate armor. We're in the big leagues now.
  • We got a soul orb that allows its user to absorb the traits of another pawn for themselves, almost certainly destroying the other pawn in the process. @PsychoWarper immediately equipped it.
  • @PsychoWarper has created a masterwork tome on intellectual matters bound in night leather, titled the Tome of Dreaded Night. He immediately went off to read his own work to train his intellectual skill... somehow. @Rakih_Elyan is next up to write a book or two since his pawn is normally idle anyways.
  • There's another Ripper Hound in the area so @Armorchompy is going to try to tame this one and name it Jill. It's a dude but naming conventions take priority over traditions.
I summon Ancient Gear Golem in attack position
1251.SGX1-END01s.jpg
there are tech golems but we can't make 'em what with the medieval restriction, we will work on Hollow Golems soon (golems made from pure energy)
 
Now that @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara has written two tomes of knowledge for the Castle (one for Intellectual titled Complete Technomancy, and one for the art of martial combat titled the Lexicon of Hardened Steel), @PsychoWarper has his time to be chained to the writers desk. Literally. I do not allow him to leave.
Nooooo, this is just like school all over again.
We got a soul orb that allows its user to absorb the traits of another pawn for themselves, almost certainly destroying the other pawn in the process. @PsychoWarper immediately equipped it.
Heh
@PsychoWarper has created a masterwork tome on intellectual matters bound in night leather, titled the Tome of Dreaded Night. He immediately went off to read his own work to train his intellectual skill... somehow. @Rakih_Elyan is next up to write a book or two since his pawn is normally idle anyways.
Im simply ballin, I use my own intellectual ideas to train my mind.
 
@Armorchompy valiantly defended Castle Aegis against an incursion of Deep Ones alongside the rest of our rank and file (once again, because they generally don't care about movement speed penalties, our sandbag barrier has not gotten its fair shot at full effectiveness)- while doing so, his loyal pet, Jack the Ripper Hound, lost its life defending him from the melee at the uranium barricade. We also lost another of Psycho's undead, Silisum, although this is not so saddening.
NOOOOOOOOOO
  • There's another Ripper Hound in the area so @Armorchompy is going to try to tame this one and name it Jill. It's a dude but naming conventions take priority over traditions.
nvm :)
 
  • A funny hunting strategy for spellcasters is to mana drain the target (and thus paralyze them), and then execute them while they're paralyzed. Works 100% of the time so far, I've just been having @PsychoWarper and @Arceus0x do this to **** with the wildlife. It's worked even on a Lindwurm, which is a type of serpentine dragon that represents the most powerful threat of the Medieval Overhaul mod.
  • @GreyFang82 is gonna have a kid, and there was much rejoicing.
  • @Arceus0x played fetch with a goat for several hours. I didn't even know goats could play fetch. He was a bit of a jerk and threw the ball over the castle wall a few times, causing the goat to have to go further, but it is what it is.
  • We sold @Arceus0x's friend goat.
  • @Nierre shot a poor tribal invader in the head and it was just gone, I've never seen a crossbow do that before, the skull was just completely removed, I didn't even think that could happen in Rimworld
  • @Rakih_Elyan is taking ten million years to finish his first book, yet it always insists that he's idle
  • As far as I can tell, @Comiphorous heals wounds at a ridiculous rate due to his Hate, and his Hate bar extends up to 200% when in actual combat. He face tanked an Infestation at the door of our mines and left without a single scratch in spite of having been hit. Like a lot. I even had @Rakih_Elyan in position to take over face-tanking in case Comiphorous dropped, was entirely an unnecessary precaution. The downside is that Hate appears to cripple his movement speed after the fact, so much that he's even slower than @PsychoWarper.
  • @Epiccheev keeps flirting with @Tllmbrg's wife, much to @Tllmbrg's chagrin. I like to think this is why they socially fought after a party thrown in the Pie-Eyed Boar. Tllmbrg beat his ass, but given that Epicurius doesn't do any melee training or combat at all, he did fairly well.
  • Castle Aegis, by the way- the Barracks just got finished. Those outside wards are small farming fields meant to produce specialty crops- lefty is currently designated as lemon trees, whereas righty is wheat. I want to cook us up some bread. Lots of things need bread.
  • @Crabwhale beat the hell out of the dwarf and then started insulting everyone. Not as a mood break, he just threw out three consecutive insults for fun. He shamed @GreyFang82's nephew's diet. Grey doesn't even have a nephew.
  • An acrobat named Maymay came in as an animal herder. She was mounted on the only animal she had with her, a Helixien, which is a snail the size of a grizzly bear with the speed of a snail. I find this extremely funny.
  • @Crabwhale continues to menace others around him as he tore the pinky off of a guest's hand. That will be the last time she checks Social log shames Crab's sense of duty.
  • @GreyFang82 is finally a knight.
  • @Nierre brought her daughter to Grey's Knight ceremony and then just dropped her on the floor when it was done, wandering off to plant some apple trees. What a hero. @Armorchompy saved the baby in distress. I'm pretty sure someone stepped on its head.
  • @Da3ggman somehow exploded near our kitchen. I don't actually know what happened, the logs don't make it abundantly clear. He's alive, it barely even did anything to him, he just sort of blew up and was briefly on fire but it was raining so he was quickly doused. Science cannot answer my questions.
 
  • Our corpse pile is very near to the map edge and walled off, just behind the Pie-Eyed Boar. Because of the amount of corpses, it is more or less always filled with corpse rot fumes. This area, although small, can still spawn in animals. It is another funny "hunting" method to just wait for these corpses to inhale enough rotten corpse fumes to develop Lung Rot, and then die about seven days later from the disease. We then just take in their corpses and eat them. Unsanitary, perhaps, but the game doesn't care, so neither do I. We just got like six dead horses from this.
  • A procession of cavalry departs from Castle Aegis to conquer a nearby battlefield. These outings were always very scary- unlike the other run, we cannot develop objective technological superiority, so although the quality of our arms and armor tends to be better, we cannot guarantee survival. Now, I am confident, sending 20 of you out with some of the best medieval gear possible, alongside magi such as Psycho to deal with threats beyond martial reckoning. Among the parade are @Crabwhale @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara @PsychoWarper @Tllmbrg @Armorchompy @Nierre @Comiphorous @Rakih_Elyan and perhaps most importantly @GreyFang82, who as the Knight of our colony is the military leader of the Kingdom of Wratholme. Valuable not just for his mettle in swordplay but also his intellectual capabilities: the dude is great at social, intellectual, and medical. For ages I have gathered griffons, unicorns, aves, and wyverns to serve as war-mounts of various functions: presently, we employ them all for our Great March. If the battle goes swimmingly, I may decide to betray our allies and destroy their settlements on the way home, because they are in Our Territory and thus will die eventually.
  • Considering adding an even larger, grander killbox to Castle Aegis, perhaps involving traps.
  • That fight we went to was easy as hell, we're definitely gonna go betray someone. Time to solidify our control of the valley, gentlemen. The Western Armbrarlo Range will be our bastion where none else may hold power. This means fighting the Central Republic (Rome), the Confederacy of Baler (Aztec), and the Theus Empire (Britain). The Theus Empire has three strongholds in the locale, the Central Empire and Confederacy of Baler only possess one each. The Confederacy will be by far the easiest. We will likely make peace with Rome immediately after this, since I don't actually want to fight them much- they're just in the way.
  • First stop, Maleler Stronghold, holding of the Theus Empire and once our direct trading partner. They were no longer considered our ally so it's time to deal with 'em anyways. The fight was extremely easy, as the enemies are obvious cowards for defying us: @Crabwhale was struck by a military pick in the ribs but otherwise there were zero wounds, our ranged line (consisting of @Armorchompy @Nierre @Rakih_Elyan and three others) got a good staggered approach from the enemy and mowed them down as they came out. Mixed with a Fog of Torment on their chokepoint, shit was casual. @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara will have to forgive us as her nephew was among the enemy ranks and is now among the Heavenly Host.
  • Next stop, Siscia, holding of the Central Republic. This was fight was made harder by two factors. Firstly, @Crabwhale decided to beat the shit out of @Armorchompy at the beginning of it. Secondly, they ALSO had Fog of Torment, which really ruined my ranged barricade tactic. The fight itself went basically smoothly, although @Armorchompy lost a leg in an explosion, very rough. The thing about this fight is that it took only five or ten minutes to complete in real time, the aftermath took close to a whole goddamn hour, because the game wouldn't let us leave- it insisted that there were still hostiles. I tried everything I could to figure out what the **** was going on, even using debug mode to mine out the mountains under the assumption that it was registering a random Ancient Danger as a legitimate hostile. This was not the case, so I eventually (after said hour of torment) installed a mod that highlighted enemies. It then took me about five minutes to find what it was highlighting: a single rat, apparently so dedicated to its former masters (as their one and only animal livestock) that it remained as part of their faction just running the **** around. I hate this game sometimes. Really, earnestly.
  • The next battle took place at Green Miralano, the tribal home of the Confederacy of Baler. This attack came at an awkward time- the Confederacy, the only one of the three factions to be strictly considered allied with us, had just sent some visitors to the colony. They were in the Pie-Eyed Boar when our march reached their settlement: they didn't really stand a chance, but just in case I had Azazel, the first of our Flesh Golems, join the fray with Bass, Sarai, and Hadley, three of Psycho's undead. Azazel is decked out as far as our golems go, complete with an Evil Eye, multiple muscular grafts, steel plating, arm blades, and has wings. He normally bodyguards @Epiccheev's room but I felt this was a good chance to show him off. Regardless: the battle at Green Miralano was, as expected, fairly easy. I had the lot of you split into three martial teams to advance through different portions of wall, while the ranged line (barring @Armorchompy due to his wounds) progressed behind the middle team. Meanwhile, @Crabwhale and @PsychoWarper teleported past/flew over their walls respectively, and caused a ruckus on the wings of the attack. Crab killed off most of their archers from behind while Psycho pretty much erased the six or so members on the left flank of their forces, leaving only about an additional eight to fight our middle rank- we outnumbered them and severely outgunned them. They had shittons of decent loot, in particular were art objects and some magical paraphernelia. We took two prisoners here: Kelly and Quinn.
  • The last battle immediately was Eahanbatdos Keep, another holding of the Theus Empire: their third castle was far away, and we will get there later, after dropping off the spoils. This map was interesting because much of their keep was consumed by the mountain: it appeared as though they were using it for natural defense. It didn't mean much, though- it meant they only had one direct way to attack us, which Psycho filled with Fog of Torment. Literally every single member of the castle fell to it- I was little apprehensive at first, as we'd seen some go inside a building and not come out. We went inside and their bodies littered the floor, half-rotted away already. These schmucks had the most valuable piece of equipment yet: a fully golden suit of plate armor. Even at only normal quality, the thing is worth about 25,000 silver. As a fun fact, I knew we were going to be heading back to base after this, so I decided to just... take everything. Rock chunks, corpses, everything- we had a use for them, hell we could probably even get a whole extra flesh golem from their bodies. Grey has access to shuttles now (sparingly) which have no weight capacity limit, so we could take literally everything. Without thinking, I ordered the shuttle to land in the chokepoint of Castle Aegis. This chokepoint is now much more choked... with rocks. And corpses. We're gonna have to do some cleanup. Also all of you just ******* slept in the Barracks and refused to be assigned to your old homes, which means another mess for me to fiddle with. Still. Very good raid. We continue the War of West Armbrarlo tomorrow.
 
alright that's it, this shit is cluttering up our main access point, all of you that are able to haul are assigned to just hauling for the next week.

except Crab, there are some griffons I want him to tame.

also we got raided by a shitload of enemies from Theus (kinda deserved I suppose) right after we got home and slept, so uh... our prisons are full now! and @Nierre got beat to hell and back, and another one of our goats was senselessly slaughtered (I don't know why it insisted on being outside), but we got 'em pretty good.
 
A return to normalcy now that our hallways are not filled floor to ceiling with rock chunks.

  • @Da3ggman was planting when he decided he very much wanted to instead destroy, rather than create, so he began setting fire to all of the plants he just planted. He wouldn't listen when @Rakih_Elyan attempted to calm him down, so the setting of fires continued. He burned our damn chickpeas.
  • @Arceus0x lost his ******* mind when he entered the room where @PsychoWarper is churning out flesh golems with our newfound wealth of corpses, because there were about fifty human bodies strung up on meat hooks.
  • @Nierre's son, Alexander, beat the shit out of one of our artisans, Vago, after he went on a tantrum and ****** up our food storage. Hospitalized the bastard by pistol whipping him with a flintlock until he submitted.
  • A prison break occurred with the unfortunate (for them) timing of coinciding with @GreyFang82's daily visit to the prison. A monosword will do horrific things to an unarmed man. Cut the head clean off the girl who managed to get her hands on a flintlock pistol, fairly easily subdued the rest of them with the help of Azazel, @Epiccheev's Golem-Son.
  • Speaking of Golems, we have a steady supply of corpses all of a sudden so we've made a handful more. We have about two thousand human meat stored up. @PsychoWarper and @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara are just breezing through the bodies.
  • I've had @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara just attach a ******* ungodly amount of corpses to Azazel. His model keeps changing each upgrade, I'm really curious to see what happens when we've attached like nine dudes to him. Not like... nine corpses worth of meat, I mean nine full corpses were the materials to these upgrades.
  • I sent @Tllmbrg @Crabwhale and @Comiphorous out solo in a caravan to deal with the minor quests we have dotting our territory. Mostly low-challenge dungeons and the like, these three ought to be more than enough to clear out anything with a dozen or less defenders.
  • @GreyFang82 had a son. His name is Jack, for a couple reasons, and it's entirely coincidental that @Armorchompy's ripper hound named Jill was the one to deliver him to his crib.
  • @Da3ggman was flirted with by a prisoner almost instantly upon leaving our prison and joining the colony. He rejected her flat out, either by right of priestly chastity or general disinterest.
  • My son was mauled by a cow. He's alive.
  • @Tllmbrg's daughter was blown up by a mad boomrat. She, too, is alive, but it was funny.
  • Another healer quest, another limb restored. Sent one of our new recruits to get her leg back.
  • With the advent of many flesh golems, I have pivoted to seeing what the stone golems are like, since we have shitloads of chunks (and therefore bricks in potentia). I'm making six obsidian golems with a good deal of upgrades- gonna take awhile but they'll be better off for it, and notably it will allow them to reshape chunks into bricks with their bare hands, which is cool. @Epiccheev's army grows.
I think next update will be the western from of the War being cleared out. I've decided that the Central Republic needs to be culled further, so we have one of theirs, another castle, and an impid tribal fort: this last one is going to suck ass, because Impids breathe fire. Stay tuned, or don't, I'm not a cop.
 
@Arceus0x lost his ******* mind when he entered the room where @PsychoWarper is churning out flesh golems with our newfound wealth of corpses, because there were about fifty human bodies strung up on meat hooks.
y'all didn't have to scar me for life
@Nierre's son, Alexander, beat the shit out of one of our artisans, Vago, after he went on a tantrum and ****** up our food storage. Hospitalized the bastard by pistol whipping him with a flintlock until he submitted.
0f0cb42c40ba352a1489456e5de875a6.jpg
 
Hiw poqerful are Golems compared to undead as minions?
Depends on both the upgrades of the golem and the undead. The average undead minion is weaker than the average colonist, although they can do more tasks than the flesh golems can (I don't know if the flesh golems are stronger or weaker than the stone golems; I'm working on a hollow golem now but they take a lot of resources).
 
(I will note that undead can also be significantly more powerful than colonists- I tend to have Psycho draw from more powerful corpses like Hussars and Nephilim and Sanguophages to create his undead, since they keep most or all of the bonuses they enjoyed with life and only get nerfed a little)
 
  • While @Nierre was hunting a megasloth, it attacked- it chose a unicorn foal as a target and ripped the poor ******'s head off in a single hit. @Nierre downed it next attack but wasn't quick enough to name the baby. I mean baby literally: it was three days old.
  • @Arceus0x was slacking off in the kitchen so one of Psycho's undead came over to cook. I've learned something, I think: everyone who eats undead-prepared food gets food poisoning, regardless of the skill used to make the food. Sorta ****** up but it is what it is.
  • Only just noticed that we had another kid born with innate abilities: @Tllmbrg's angel-daughter was born Physically Adept (which really just means she can learn a class by default, she has no pre-set class like my son, Samuel, who is a Warlock somehow).
  • I've created our so-far single highest beauty value piece of art, a masterwork mithril monument with a value of 7050. The highest prior to this was a legendary marble sculpture with a beauty of 4330. The artwork arms race continues against the other colony artist, @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara, whose best work so far was that masterwork marble statue with a value of 2705 (amateurish at best, really).
  • There's some ****** up stuff going on at the western front of the War of West Armbrarlo. We've entered a battleground that was a fort-encampment of the Central Republic that was being attacked by some of our allies. I sent @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara @Tllmbrg @GreyFang82 @PsychoWarper @Rakih_Elyan @Crabwhale and @Comiphorous with recruits to assist. Our allies were getting shitstomped by numbers alone: we took over their eastern flank (that is, the left side of the map) and with Fog of Torment mixed with seven ranged fighters firing into the enemy, it was pretty secure. Then the purple lightning started striking rapidly at our allies' position, so I scrambled a rear guard together (Fujiwara, Comiphorous, Grey, and one of the recruits, Breakfast) to go make sure nothing crawled up our ass without defenses in place. Knowing there was a lot of loot on the line, and fire would consume it all, I began sending out two of Psycho's Undead, Dunlap and Rya, to open up passages through the buildings to allow us to access it when the battle was done. Dangerous, but in a pinch both Crab and Psycho can reach them via teleportation and flight. Halfway through the fight, one of our allies got healed back up and went for a walk amidst the carnage. He didn't seem to mind his dying allies. Eventually he became so stressed he just left. Onto the fight, the rear guard I positioned managed to save the last ten or so of our allies while Crab, Fujiwara, Ethorel, Psycho, Grey, and the Undead formed search parties to break down doors to spare from the flames.
  • @Armorchompy played a concert in our throne room. People seemed to like it, although personally I thought the music was a bit grating.
  • My achievement in the arts has been bested by treasure from the raid. Masterwork enchanted archon statue with a beauty of 9700. ******' AI, stealing artist's jobs.
  • @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara alert: new colonist with the traits Gay and Pretty. Farrell is one of our farmers, I hadn't really noticed her traits until just now.

Also: Five Guys
l3NMzAG.png


Also also, Golem stockroom aside: some damage updates before I slumber. With half of the War of West Armbrarlo done, it feels right.


In terms of NPCs, the most notable are:
  • Hadley, formerly Guy, Psycho's Undead Vigil who stands at our gate: 48,080 damage and 116 kills
  • Breakfast, Cheev's assistant in the forge and wielder of our other Ruunbled: 25,414 damage and 40 kills
  • Ethorel, Tllmbrg's wife: 18,073 damage and 8 kills
  • Prichard, Psycho's Undead Bodyguard: 17,865 damage and 52 kills
  • Ophelian, my wife: 16,097 damage and 15 kills
  • Sarai, Psycho's first Undead alongside Hadley: 15,231 damage and 47 kills
  • Novak, random servant woman I gave our first musket to: 13,639 damage and 9 kills
  • Garfunkle, random knight with a named two-handed mace: 10,762 damage and 4 kills
I've excluded those with less than 10,000 damage.
 
@Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara alert: new colonist with the traits Gay and Pretty. Farrell is one of our farmers, I hadn't really noticed her traits until just now.
Finally, a reason to keep living.
I've created our so-far single highest beauty value piece of art, a masterwork mithril monument with a value of 7050. The highest prior to this was a legendary marble sculpture with a beauty of 4330. The artwork arms race continues against the other colony artist, @Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara, whose best work so far was that masterwork marble statue with a value of 2705 (amateurish at best, really).
what the fuck man
 
My undead are just extensions of my power therefore anything they kill is actually me doing the killing.

You just arnt efficient.
 
My undead are just extensions of my power therefore anything they kill is actually me killing them.

You just arnt efficient.
if this was true, Cheev's numbers would be way up just by sheer quantity of Golems we have these days. We're in the double digits now, with the four recently completed stone golems.
 
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