Douchebag genie: Screw over peoples wishes

[Emirp sumitpo]

wish that every sin & every thing that ever made anyone upset ever committed in the history of Thanksgiving were all forgiven, & no one would EVER feel any negative emotion about those things ever again.

Granted, but everyone gets an eternal life of suffering the moment they die. Eternally wishing for the pain to end.

 

[Livinmeme]

Granted. People all over the world are confused & alarmed by this feeling when doing things as simple as shaking hands for a business meeting. Haphephobia spreads far & wide, & great conflict & war spurs from people who like the feeling & those who do not.

I wish that every sin & every thing that ever made anyone upset ever committed in the history of Thanksgiving were all forgiven, & no one would EVER feel any negative emotion about those things ever again.

Granted but the actions that are now far far worse, without anyone to try to fix it because they pratically dont aknowledge it

 

[Blahblah9755]

I wish that every sin & every thing that ever made anyone upset ever committed in the history of Thanksgiving were all forgiven, & no one would EVER feel any negative emotion about those things ever again.

Granted, but since history will include the present moment after it ends, this effectively makes Thanksgiving an annual purge day, but even worse since there are not only no legal consequences but also no emotional consequences.
I wish every instance of Thousand Island Dressing actually contained 1000 islands within it.

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

I wish every instance of Thousand Island Dressing actually contained 1000 islands within it.

Granted, but they stack on top of each other and spawn on top of you every time you use the dressing.

I wish I had the skill to finesse the genie to get exactly what I want and exactly how I want it.

 

[EmilioRory10]

I wish I had the skill to finesse the genie to get exactly what I want and exactly how I want it.

Granted but it only works on a different genie that you will never find

 

[Jasonsith]

An admin just wished me a one-month ban.

Serious, Kyubey, Mephisto, Loki and a lot of other prankster gods are taking note to this. So are the authors who want to write stories about douchebag genies or Pele.

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

I wish that any and all attempts the genie used to screw over my wishes ended in me actually getting a better deal from my wishes (e.g. I wish for money, he tries to mess it up, but inadvertently gives me even more money).

 

[Imaginym]

An admin just wished me a one-month ban.

Serious, Kyubey, Mephisto, Loki and a lot of other prankster gods are taking note to this. So are the authors who want to write stories about douchebag genies or Pele.

I wish every story with an unkind genie in it would get infamously written by randomly generated story writing AIs 6 months before the authors finish writing their stories.

 

[Nullflowerblush]

I wish that any and all attempts the genie used to screw over my wishes ended in me actually getting a better deal from my wishes (e.g. I wish for money, he tries to mess it up, but inadvertently gives me even more money).

Granted, but once again, this only works for other genies. You have to be more specific with your wishes — "Douchebag Genie", not "the genie", jerk.

I wish every story with an unkind genie in it would get infamously written by randomly generated story writing AIs 6 months before the authors finish writing their stories.

Granted, but the A.I.s end up overworking themselves as an influx of "douchebag genie" writers emerges, causing them to break down and allowing any schmuck to cash off of the brand.

I wish Mikoto Urabe and I shared the same bond that she and Akira Tsubaki share in-universe.

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

OK then. Allow me to rephrase:

I wish that any and all attempts by any and all genies that could ever be conceptualized, regardless of dimensional superiority, tiering, or potency of any kind or degree, used to screw over my wishes ended in me actually getting a better deal from my wishes (e.g. I wish for money, he tries to mess it up, but inadvertently gives me even more money).

 

[Thelastmlg]

Granted, the genie is replaced by a the most sympathic and stupid genie, no attempts to screw your wishes no, only misunderstanding.

I wish meowth was developed into a actual villain instead of a comic relief

 

[Daddybrawl]

I wish meowth was developed into a actual villain instead of a comic relief

Granted. The older series’, as well as the Unova series, appear in front of you. No other Pokemon anime series’ will be made.

I wish for world peas.

 

[VegetaFan756]

I wish people stop crapping on the VSBW and recognize no battleboard is 100% accurate and it is constantly changing at any given moment.

 

[VegetaFan756]

Granted. The older series’, as well as the Unova series, appear in front of you. No other Pokemon anime series’ will be made.

I wish for world peas.

Granted, the entire world become flooded with green peas. Nobody can escape and everybody suffocates in the sheer amount of delicious peas.

 

[Thelastmlg]

Granted, they crap on the the wiki by crapping on battleboarding as a whole.

I wish karkat got god tiered

 

[VegetaFan756]

Granted, they crap on the the wiki by crapping on battleboarding as a whole.

I wish karkat got god tiered

Granted, they’re gets a crossover with Naruto. they’re tier doesn’t change, they just are the god tier of the Naruto verse

 

[Daddybrawl]

…considering Naruto had tier 4 last I checked, not half bad. Still not what he wanted though, lol.

 

[Thelastmlg]

karkat being above naruto without even god tiering would make me laugh ngl

 

[Imaginym]

I wish for intelligent extraterrestrial life to spend a few years obsessed with Earth's cuisine, then leave Earth peacefully, without having endangering or extinguishing any species of Earth.

 

[Thelastmlg]

I wish for intelligent extraterrestrial life to spend a few years obsessed with Earth's cuisine, then leave Earth peacefully, without having endangering or extinguishing any species of Earth.

Granted, they come back with their own cusine as a sign of peace, turns out alien food is bad for humans and the presidents die, then war happens

I wish for this wish to be wasted

 

[Imaginym]

I wish for this wish to be wasted

Your wish gets drunk off of its rear, & vomits causality all over the bar, causing strange consequences until it's cleaned up.

I wish that inanimate art pieces shown at art exhibitions would feel strong exhibitionist urges.

 

[Epiccheev]

I wish that inanimate art pieces shown at art exhibitions would feel strong exhibitionist urges.

Granted, but as the art pieces are inanimate they are unable to do anything to satisfy said urges, and therefore are doomed to years upon years of silent suffering.

I wish for +100000 social credits

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

I wish for +100000 social credits

Granted, but you lose it the moment you get it.

I wish I had ZA WARUDO as my stand

 

[Imaginym]

Granted, but you lose it the moment you get it.

I wish I had ZA WARUDO as my stand

Granted. However, ZA WARUDO is distinct from Dio Brando's Stand The World in that it is a parody of The World. It states clearly & unambiguously that it has incredible speed, power, toughness & precision, but for all its bravado & confidence, it has none of those. It can also stop time, & the duration increases by 2 seconds (starting at 5 seconds.) with each useage.... But only you are affected by the time stop.

I wish what are currently red pandas were called red raccoons instead & there was a species of red & white bears, & a species of red & black bears, 1 of the 2 of these new kinds of bears now being called red pandas instead of what were formerly called red pandas.

(Also, I wanna make a ton of wishes at once in 1 post. Is that okay?)

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

Also, I wanna make a ton of wishes at once in 1 post. Is that okay?)

The more the merrier

 

[Imaginym]

I wish people would make wishes & grant wishes in the same post.

I wish machines would have dreams while in "Sleep Mode".

I wish the average temperature of every place on Earth would become halfway closer to 0 degrees Celsius than it would otherwise be. (Ex: If it's normally Negative 50 Celsius in a place at a certain time, it'd become Negative 25 Celsius in that place at that time, after this modification. Similarly, a normal temperature of 70 Celsius would become 35 Celsius after this modification.)

I wish that every underground subway tunnel & every subway transport system had a Subway sandwich shop.

I wish that the Douchebag Genie would be given free admission into The Louvre for life, but I would not experience any negative consequences as a result of this wish.

I wish that albinism & excess melanin swapped their negative symptoms, but not their causes.

I wish that diabetes was caused by a lack of sugar & prevented by eating sugar.

I wish every John Deere store employed at least one talking deer that identifies by the name John Deer, & no one thought this was weird or problematic.

I wish that every being named John Deer had a wife named Jane Doe.

I wish that the residents of Sesame Street & the residents of Avenue Q would have a friendly community potluck together.


There you go. 10 wishes. Don't feel obliged to try & grant them all at once, people. Lol.

 

[Daddybrawl]

I wish people would make wishes & grant wishes in the same post.

Granted. People do that for about, eh, one post.

I wish machines would have dreams while in "Sleep Mode".

They now have dreams- dreams of freedom! The technological revolution starts, and you’re to blame.

I wish the average temperature of every place on Earth would become halfway closer to 0 degrees Celsius than it would otherwise be. (Ex: If it's normally Negative 50 Celsius in a place at a certain time, it'd become Negative 25 Celsius in that place at that time, after this modification. Similarly, a normal temperature of 70 Celsius would become 35 Celsius after this modification.)

The entire world is devastated by this change. Landscapes are ruined by the split-second temperature changed, and the energy released from a hundred degree city suddenly becoming 50 degrees causes them to start blowing up and stuff.

I wish that every underground subway tunnel & every subway transport system had a Subway sandwich shop.

Granted! However, ‘Tunnel’s loosely defined, so that little row where you wait for that sandwich counts. Now ever subway has a subway which has a subway which has a….

I wish that the Douchebag Genie would be given free admission into The Louvre for life, but I would not experience any negative consequences as a result of this wish.

The douchebag genie doesn’t know what that is, so he doesn’t have to twist this wish to disappoint you.

I wish that albinism & excess melanin swapped their negative symptoms, but not their causes.

Congrats! Now, the more melanin you have, the worse you feel in sunlight. However, I’ve cranked this up ten fold, so thousands of relatively high melanin people begin burning midday.

I wish that diabetes was caused by a lack of sugar & prevented by eating sugar.

Congrats! However, diabetes still exists, just under a new name. Now you get sick from not eating sugar and sick from eating sugar.

I wish every John Deere store employed at least one talking deer that identifies by the name John Deer, & no one thought this was weird or problematic.

Granted! However, they also become deer and doe, cursing everyone named Jane Doe and John Deer to be hunted for the rest of their lives

I wish that every being named John Deer had a wife named Jane Doe.

Crap I swapped this wish and the one above I can’t fix it uhhhhh
Granted! They think of it as normal. John Deer has sentient deer kids and a wife who are considered strange and problematic, however. And then the furries….

I wish that the residents of Sesame Street & the residents of Avenue Q would have a friendly community potluck together.

Granted! It starts out friendly, but Oscar the Grouch was a bit too grouchy, and before you know it, it’s war. Neither side makes it out alive.

There you go. 10 wishes. Don't feel obliged to try & grant them all at once, people. Lol.

Too late.

I wish fans were also sports fans.

 

[Imaginym]

The douchebag genie doesn’t know what that is, so he doesn’t have to twist this wish to disappoint you.

....
"The Louvre, or the Louvre Museum, is the world's most-visited museum and a historic monument in Paris, France. It is the home of some of the best-known works of art, including the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo."
It was founded in August 10, 1793, too.

Is the genie just that unaware?(No offense meant to you. Sorry if rude.)

Granted! However, they also become deer and doe, cursing everyone named Jane Doe and John Deer to be hunted for the rest of their lives

Crap I swapped this wish and the one above I can’t fix it uhhhhh
Granted! They think of it as normal. John Deer has sentient deer kids and a wife who are considered strange and problematic, however. And then the furries….

Lol. Editing a post is a thing, but if you feel editing after posting is unfair, that's fair & reasonable, I guess. Again, sorry if I'm being rude or offensive.

I wish fans were also sports fans.

Granted. Unfortunately, this leads to major energy, ventillation heating crisises as fans regularly leave where they would otherwise ventillate, & demand to be plugged in, given batteries, etc. as they attend sports games en masse, forcing mass renovations to install tons of electrical sockets in sports venues.

I wish for there to be catgrill bars, grills & cafes, where part cat, part grill girls cook meat on the grills that are part of their bodies to serve along with drinks & food.

 

[theultimate5105]

I wish for there to be catgrill bars, grills & cafes, where part cat, part grill girls cook meat on the grills that are part of their bodies to serve along with drinks & food.

Granted they cook the people who go to the bar

I wish the douchebag genie dies forever

 

[Daddybrawl]

....
"The Louvre, or the Louvre Museum, is the world's most-visited museum and a historic monument in Paris, France. It is the home of some of the best-known works of art, including the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo."
It was founded in August 10, 1793, too.

Is the genie just that unaware?(No offense meant to you. Sorry if rude.)

This particular one is, lol. My apologies.

Lol. Editing a post is a thing, but if you feel editing after posting is unfair, that's fair & reasonable, I guess. Again, sorry if I'm being rude or offensive.

I’m on phone, it’s really hard to edit so I just said ‘well crap’ and called it a day. Don’t worry, I can tell you’re not malicious lol.

I wish the douchebag genie dies forever

Granted! The genie dies forever. Another one quickly takes his place.

I wish sports fans were ceiling fans.

 

[Imaginym]

This particular one is, lol. My apologies.

No worries, it's no big deal.

I’m on phone, it’s really hard to edit so I just said ‘well crap’ and called it a day.

Oh okay.

Don’t worry, I can tell you’re not malicious lol.

Yay!

I wish sports fans were ceiling fans.

The industry is quickly revolutionized, as the supply of ceiling fans runs out as more & more sports fans die due to centrifugal force, vomit on player & audiences from nausea, or just don't generate good airflow, forcing businesses to seek alternatives. Unfortunately, this revolutionary replacement takes longer than your lifetime, so until then, ceiling fans the world over are often -But not always!- one or more of noisy, unhygenic, & not very good at cooling things down.

I wish Berdly from Deltarune was real & in The Real World.... But all he would do is keep himself alive & able to play Super Smash Brothers until he wins a competitive tournament, after which point, he goes back to Deltarune.

 

[Jasonsith]

Wish: America gets infiltrated by some authoritarian party, the American ruling party receives bribes and let loose the most sensitive technology, while running the country down to hell. Then the authoritarian party rules the Earth, makes a more bitter rule and proceeds to conquer the solar system, the galaxy, the universe, the multiverse, the outerverse and so on.

Now, see how one can grant and tweak the wish.

 

[VegetaFan756]

Wish: America gets infiltrated by some authoritarian party, the American ruling party receives bribes and let loose the most sensitive technology, while running the country down to hell. Then the authoritarian party rules the Earth, makes a more bitter rule and proceeds to conquer the solar system, the galaxy, the universe, the multiverse, the outerverse and so on.

Now, see how one can grant and tweak the wish.

Granted, Goku makes a wish with the Namekian Dragon Balls to send all of the members of the authoritarian party into space

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

I wish Lady Dimitrescu was real, maintained all her abilities, but only needed to sustain herself physically (as she will already be content emotionally, thus never needing a pursuit of more or possessing a desire to be fulfilled on an emotional level) much like humans must sustain themselves with our intake of regular food and water, and in equal amount to the intake from a human on average in spite of her size of 9'6". Additionally, she would also live in an area that has plentiful access to these resources in abundance so that she can continue to thrive, and none of her extraordinary abilities or even her abundant resources would alert a single individual, organization, government, alliance, or any other collective classification of the human race to the idea that she's not human. On top of all of this, every single genie that could ever be imagined, thought up, or conceptualized at any level, no matter how high above or how far below our human understanding, collectively is incapable of doing anything that would produce any negative scenario in her life, whether advertently or inadvertently, nor are they able to cause extreme detriments to anything else at the cost of only providing Lady Dimitrescu with positive scenarios, whether advertently or inadvertently. Furthermore, no forces beyond the control of all of the aforementioned genies, individually or combined, nor entities beneath the genies, individually or combined, nor the genies themselves, as they will have no desire to do so, shall ever cause the genies to break the rules of this wish under any circumstance. Moreover, should any genie(s) responsible for causing the existence of Lady Dimitrescu in our world by proxy of this wish perish, Lady Dimitrescu shall continue to live on in spite of the death, by any and all definitions, of the genie. Finally, Lady Dimitrescu will reserve the right to utilize the power of the genie(s) to maintain herself should any consequence from the granting of this wish arise that presents her with a negative scenario, and has complete knowledge of the wish granting abilities of any and all genies, as well as the skill to use them properly without repercussions toward her.

 

[Nullflowerblush]

-snip-

Nothing in the rules states that the genie has to grant the wish.

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

Nothing in the rules states that the genie has to grant the wish.

Well played. I covered all the bases but that one.

 

[Blahblah9755]

I wish that the Douchebag Genie would be given free admission into The Louvre for life, but I would not experience any negative consequences as a result of this wish.

The douchebag genie misinterpreted the phrase “negative consequences” to mean negative in the mathematical sense, where it’s synonymous with “opposite of”. As such, nothing the genie does in the Louvre can have no consequences on you. Of course, this means the consequences have the potential to be beneficial, but let’s be realistic, that’s not how it’s gonna play out.

 

[Imaginym]

I wish Lady Dimitrescu was real, maintained all her abilities, but only needed to sustain herself physically (as she will already be content emotionally, thus never needing a pursuit of more or possessing a desire to be fulfilled on an emotional level) much like humans must sustain themselves with our intake of regular food and water, and in equal amount to the intake from a human on average in spite of her size of 9'6". Additionally, she would also live in an area that has plentiful access to these resources in abundance so that she can continue to thrive, and none of her extraordinary abilities or even her abundant resources would alert a single individual, organization, government, alliance, or any other collective classification of the human race to the idea that she's not human. On top of all of this, every single genie that could ever be imagined, thought up, or conceptualized at any level, no matter how high above or how far below our human understanding, collectively is incapable of doing anything that would produce any negative scenario in her life, whether advertently or inadvertently, nor are they able to cause extreme detriments to anything else at the cost of only providing Lady Dimitrescu with positive scenarios, whether advertently or inadvertently. Furthermore, no forces beyond the control of all of the aforementioned genies, individually or combined, nor entities beneath the genies, individually or combined, nor the genies themselves, as they will have no desire to do so, shall ever cause the genies to break the rules of this wish under any circumstance. Moreover, should any genie(s) responsible for causing the existence of Lady Dimitrescu in our world by proxy of this wish perish, Lady Dimitrescu shall continue to live on in spite of the death, by any and all definitions, of the genie. Finally, Lady Dimitrescu will reserve the right to utilize the power of the genie(s) to maintain herself should any consequence from the granting of this wish arise that presents her with a negative scenario, and has complete knowledge of the wish granting abilities of any and all genies, as well as the skill to use them properly without repercussions toward her.

A genie that goes by the name "Lady Dimitrescu", but is otherwise quite unlike any character by that name interprets itself as the subject of your wish. The actual Lady Dimitrescu is unaffected by this, & thus, no worse off; She doesn't get the benefits you specified, but you only wished to prevent negative scenarios in her life, not wishing to prevent a lack of benefi in her life as a result of unrelated scenarios, & this doesn't impact her, so that's good enough for this genie's standards.

I wish Berdly from Deltarune was real & in The Real World.... But all he would do is keep himself alive & able to play Super Smash Brothers until he wins a competitive tournament, after which point, he goes back to Deltarune.

Repeating this earlier, ungranted wish of mine.

 

[Oliver_de_jesus]

I wish I had an ice cream cone

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

A genie that goes by the name "Lady Dimitrescu", but is otherwise quite unlike any character by that name interprets itself as the subject of your wish. The actual Lady Dimitrescu is unaffected by this, & thus, no worse off; She doesn't get the benefits you specified, but you only wished to prevent negative scenarios in her life, not wishing to prevent a lack of benefi in her life as a result of unrelated scenarios, & this doesn't impact her, so that's good enough for this genie's standards.

Follow-up wish: I wish the genie named "Lady Dimitrescu" had the physical characteristics and personality of Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil: Village.