Be My Rimworld Pawns: Season 3

[Shmooply]

I am healthy enough to make a singular meme.

• @PsychoWarper entered a sad wander because he wanted to eat (very specifically) insect jelly, which the only jelly on the map was on the edge of the map, and he was very hungry and took awhile to get there. We have lavish meals aplenty, but no, this will just not do for his discerning palette.

 

[PsychoWarper]

I am healthy enough to make a singular meme.

This is so peak

 

[PsychoWarper]

I sent @PsychoWarper to deal with a Feralisk Clutch Mother, alone- this is the exact creature our 8-C scaling comes from, and he managed to take it out in 4 shots. So, we have 8-C colonists for those of you equal to or better than Psycho. Acknowledging that his weapon is pretty much the peak of post-industrial damage outputters, this means @ProbNotAFelon, @Arceus0x, and a couple others, whilst pretty much all rifleman have "possibly" scaling. @Rakih_Elyan and somehow @Armorchompy are already "At least 8-C" because while ranged weapons are superpowered in this mod, melee weapons require no ammo and thus we can give them the best we have without fearing for their ammo situation.

I am the baseline for which all are compared.

Few fights later and you guys are racking up major wounds now that every raid is a maxed out raid. @PsychoWarper is sporting a brand new eye after his last one was melted out of his skull by charged plasma,

Tis but a scratch.

Caught @Crabwhale visiting the tombs, specifically the grave of a soldier who died before he could reach them when I desperately sent him out to assist. I said we'd been trying to avoid deploying Crab for every encounter, and we've been sticking to that; still, it has cost us much in the interim, and in time of dire consequence I still send him out. Sometimes it is too late, and so he visits the tombs.

Based Crabbius.

 

[Rakih_Elyan]

If I get any new unnamed weapon, name it "Shadow Incinerator".

 

[Lawiegg]

• One of the recent raiders we didn't instantly kill spawned in with a bionic jaw, so @Tllmbrg is fixed, because we removed that shit from her in surgery and then sent her to a slave colony prison.
• I sent @PsychoWarper to deal with a Feralisk Clutch Mother, alone- this is the exact creature our 8-C scaling comes from, and he managed to take it out in 4 shots. So, we have 8-C colonists for those of you equal to or better than Psycho. Acknowledging that his weapon is pretty much the peak of post-industrial damage outputters, this means @ProbNotAFelon, @Arceus0x, and a couple others, whilst pretty much all rifleman have "possibly" scaling. @Rakih_Elyan and somehow @Armorchompy are already "At least 8-C" because while ranged weapons are superpowered in this mod, melee weapons require no ammo and thus we can give them the best we have without fearing for their ammo situation.
• We have reached a level of wealth that I have decided to pivot one of our outposts from producing money to giving us ammunition to ease up our own supply needs; ideally, this will allow us to equip everyone with armor piercing high explosive rounds for our largest guns. It'll cost a lot (1000 silver per month or thereabouts) but it'll be worth it, plus our other posts we've invested in more than pick up that slack.
• @Arceus0x now has an advanced bionic eye, to replace the one that was shot out a long while back.
• @DMUA and @Tllmbrg engaged in a bout of fisticuffs, as both were trying to create tomahawks for the Economy. Neither was able to harm the other through their armor and our one-armed recruit, Blackjack, took over making the tomahawks instead as they fought.
• Several missions and POIs and bandit camps later and we haven't found a resurrector mech serum. Only, I learned you could simply request one via the market- it takes a long time and costs a lot more to get quick results (we paid almost 5x the market price for the item) but @Shmooply is back, head and all. He's in a coma currently but that's a pretty tolerable state of affairs as far as I'm concerned. It is humorous to note that his corpse still has ******* gut worms, despite having been dead for about half a year in-game. I gave @Lawiegg the honors of resurrecting him- the poetic among you may declare that this was because Lawie is uniquely equipped to deal with the resurrected, having been the only other resurrected member of the colony so far (Crab doesn't count), but really it was because he was hauling the mech serum and thus it was just easier to have him do it. Welcome back Shmooply.
• @Epiccheev broke the will of Crab (our shitty prisoner, not our primarch Lord Commander) and now she's joined us.
• Few fights later and you guys are racking up major wounds now that every raid is a maxed out raid. @PsychoWarper is sporting a brand new eye after his last one was melted out of his skull by charged plasma, and our android's nose was ripped off by a giant bug. Eggman is also significantly messed up (now sporting a bionic leg and jaw)- we're producing the parts at a fast enough rate to stem the bleeding, so it's not a terrible issue.
• Single mostly-naked woman (she was wearing ballistic goggles) with a stick thought she would ambush @Rakih_Elyan as he led a caravan across our territory. The first hit didn't kill her (even if it was across her heart), so we took her prisoner, cut off her arms and legs, and left her there. She's lucky she didn't try to assault the base with that attitude, our torture supplies are there. We did what we could with the herbs and wood native to the environment.
• Caught @Crabwhale visiting the tombs, specifically the grave of a soldier who died before he could reach them when I desperately sent him out to assist. I said we'd been trying to avoid deploying Crab for every encounter, and we've been sticking to that; still, it has cost us much in the interim, and in time of dire consequence I still send him out. Sometimes it is too late, and so he visits the tombs.
• @DMUA got inspired creatively, so on a similar vein, we decided to send him to make us a burial pillar made of jade, in case any of you die for a long time again; it is corpse housing for the Honored Dead. The end result came out to be a legendary structure, bumping our tomb beauty up incredibly. I've left a slot open to build another one in the tomb, should we ever get a similar creative inspiration.
• @Lawiegg has been hard at work taming aves for us. Cheap mounts are nice until I get off my ass and work on the garage.

Did I repay my dept? Is my pawn free ?

 

[Shmooply]

You will always be indebted to Randy.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

You will always be indebted to Randy.

ain't no man free in Randy's hands, amen

 

[Shmooply]

Amen.



Randy has summoned an orbital strike on the tamed squirrel farm (that he recently spawned)

 

[Mr. Bambu]

• I've disabled the consumption of raw insect jelly for our meal allowances. You can blame @PsychoWarper, caught his ass going back out for more.
• Since his return, @Shmooply is a bit behind on skills we need- he remains one of our best miners, and a good doctor, but not incredible at necessary day-to-day matters. Therefore, Shmooply is the assistant cook when we don't need him elsewhere.
• HORRIFIC timing on a caravan return caused them to spawn more or less on top of a mechanoid cluster. One of our unimportant colonists was obliterated on the spot because most of the mechanoids chose to just ******* destroy her (along with the yak she was guiding)- her body didn't even survive. @ProbNotAFelon was also downed in the blast, receiving pretty significant scarring, so... thank you Felonius, I suppose, for goading us towards the creation of our biosculptor pods, if only to fix you up. As a result of the explosions we also lost a few treasures you folks were bringing back, including a railgun pistol that would have been really very nice to have. Oh well.
• Realized I really should send @Armorchompy into aforementioned biosculptor pods, since he has both increased pain sensitivity, and an EMP burn scar on his eye, causing him to constantly be at 22% pain (which is quite debilitating when multiplied down across his entire career); because of his debuff, Andy is now Prime Target for bio-regeneration therapy at all times. I also need to send in @Arceus0x because he's been missing his right middle toe for ages now. For now I'm submitting Blackjack, because he's missing an ear and has scars across large portions of his body.
• @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch negotiated a contract on our behalf that some Imperials would buy a few rocket launchers from us for nearly 6000 silver. A decent enough deal if I ever saw one, and I'm scared of using rocket launchers anyways. So, they came by and picked them up. I inspected them for fun: one of them has the professional job title of "shitposter"? Like... as his career? The job description says he is totally unprepared for life surviving on the Rim, and in every conversation he feels the need to evoke ancient slang and esoteric references. I honestly love this guy.
• A new golden age descends upon the colony, as we (via @Epiccheev) have done great things: we are now producing our own ketchup. Praise be. We also make jelly, but peanut butter is not allowed, despite peanuts being a plant also from the same modset (Vanilla Expanded). We may achieve excellence, but not perfection.
• Our snipers (among them @ProbNotAFelon and @PsychoWarper) have once again taken down an entire siege on their own. Five snipers killing about 5 enemies each really does a number on an invading force if they're willing to wait awhile and just tank it in the hopes of setting up a couple mortars.
• @Crabwhale has formed our first bond with one of the Desert Aves. He immediately named it Stinker.
• We fought the Profaned Legion again, and two humorous things happened: the first is that @Arceus0x shot off all the limbs of one of the undead and nothing else, meaning he essentially carved a nugget out of the human form with bullets. As this individual is immortal, I have made them our hood ornament- they will stay there, where they lost their limbs, forever. The second is that I noticed the effects of the auto-patcher for Combat Extended work its magic. In doing so, it tries to assign ammunition types to ranged weapons- arrows to bows, calibres of bullets to guns. The Profaned have a magic staff, and the game decided that the ammunition type for this staff is 7.62x51mm ammunition- AK47 rounds. Do NOT trust a wizard whom you see loading ******* bullets into his magic staff, shit WILL get real.
• We've made @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch telepathic as well, and finally equipped him with a better weapon: as he was the last VSBW colonist to shift away from a UMP45, I've given him a railgun pistol (the same type we lost earlier in this message- in the interim, @Topaz404 and @Rakih_Elyan have unlocked the Technology). The range is dogshit but it has better armor penetration abilities than any other gun in our arsenal and it shoots fairly quickly. Unfortunately, I learned of its attack speed when a prison break started when he was inside the prison, and thus eviscerated one of the escapees right through the recon armor he was still wearing. Sorry ****** died on the spot.
• After beating one of the prisoners into a concussed unconsciousness, @Arceus0x immediately cleaned his cell and then attempted to recruit him, mere seconds after the fight.
• @Lawiegg worked himself into exhaustion and unconsciousness hauling corpses to our pyrolysis plant to turn their flesh into chemfuel. In doing so he has emulated the average Amazon employee workday, applause to him.
• Lambert, one of our earliest recruits, was the only casualty of a raid we had while Crab was out. She exited a door, joined @Topaz404 at a barricade, and INSTANTLY died. You don't love to see it. We really need a way of resurrecting people more consistently. I reckon she took a bullet meant for Topaz, though, as that guy was one of the few who didn't get hit at all in the encounter. I very much look forward to Cataphract armor.
• As a final note, the Empire mod randomly changed our Legion's icon? We had a golden eagle on a red banner, but now it's a wolf head on a grey shield. Quite strange.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

oh yeah and @Rakih_Elyan you finally got opportunities to shine when you just ran out into the field mid-battle (non-drafted) and just started assaulting the people firing at our troops. They could barely even harm you. It was actually incredibly rad seeing you just literally surrounded by all of their melee pawns and just smacking them down. You have jumped up to like 4k damage and 30 kills from that encounter alone.

 

[Shmooply]

Since his return, @Shmooply is a bit behind on skills we need- he remains one of our best miners, and a good doctor, but not incredible at necessary day-to-day matters. Therefore, Shmooply is the assistant cook when we don't need him elsewhere.

Even in the video game world I cannot escape my gastronomy diploma. Wallahi I'm finished.

 

[PsychoWarper]

I've disabled the consumption of raw insect jelly for our meal allowances. You can blame @PsychoWarper, caught his ass going back out for more.

This is ******* bullshit and I will not stand for it, I demand my ******* raw insect jelly you damn bastard.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

This is ******* bullshit and I will not stand for it, I demand my ******* raw insect jelly you damn bastard.

We're making it into jelly and serving it as a condiment. This will suffice, or you will die. The choice is yours.

Even in the video game world I cannot escape my gastronomy diploma. Wallahi I'm finished.

if it is any consolation, we took a lot of prisoners from the last one, in various states of... disrepair... and so your medical skills are now the primary focus.

 

[Shmooply]

Training my medical skills (repeatedly damaging and patching up a guy before selling his organs to pirates)

 

[Arceus0x]

@Arceus0x shot off all the limbs of one of the undead and nothing else, meaning he essentially carved a nugget out of the human form with bullets. As this individual is immortal, I have made them our hood ornament

After beating one of the prisoners into a concussed unconsciousness, @Arceus0x immediately cleaned his cell and then attempted to recruit him, mere seconds after the fight.

 

[DMUA]

HORRIFIC timing on a caravan return caused them to spawn more or less on top of a mechanoid cluster. One of our unimportant colonists was obliterated on the spot because most of the mechanoids chose to just ******* destroy her (along with the yak she was guiding)- her body didn't even survive.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention earlier, does this mean the cave dwelling programming and making robots has finally commenced?

 

[Mr. Bambu]

Oh yeah, forgot to mention earlier, does this mean the cave dwelling programming and making robots has finally commenced?

Still haven't gotten a mechlink, which is crazy because a lot of stuff is locked behind that. We actually have even captured two pawns who are awakened androids, and can't use them until we get at least basic mechtech up. I'm gonna start going to Real Ruins more often since I know they can just have a mechlink laying around.

 

[Rakih_Elyan]

oh yeah and @Rakih_Elyan you finally got opportunities to shine when you just ran out into the field mid-battle (non-drafted) and just started assaulting the people firing at our troops. They could barely even harm you. It was actually incredibly rad seeing you just literally surrounded by all of their melee pawns and just smacking them down. You have jumped up to like 4k damage and 30 kills from that encounter alone.

The birth of the fighting fiend Rakih.

 

[Arceus0x]

The birth of the fighting fiend Rakih.

Dragon of Dojima

 

[Topaz404]

Lambert, one of our earliest recruits, was the only casualty of a raid we had while Crab was out. She exited a door, joined @Topaz404 at a barricade, and INSTANTLY died. You don't love to see it. We really need a way of resurrecting people more consistently. I reckon she took a bullet meant for Topaz, though, as that guy was one of the few who didn't get hit at all in the encounter. I very much look forward to Cataphract armor.

When it comes to the Rim, ensuring your survival is top priority. Besides, in his eyes, the less people, the better (he totally did that on purpose)