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Be My Rimworld Pawns: Season 3

Mr. Bambu said:
  • Our second raid was but a single man, named Guire, armed with nothing but a poorly made quarterstaff and the civilian clothes on his back. I had @Armorchompy kill him for practice with guns, since he's not great with them right now, and this was a low-threat environment.
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Once again I am the only one with the skillset to save the day, truly I am the lynchpin of this community
 
I recognize that it has perhaps not landed yet how pivotal it is, but the colony dies with an empty stomach. Epicurius is spending 12 hours a day ******* around with knives in the weapon locker (no idea how to fix that) so you are the main cook. You just... happen to suck shit at shooting. So when a low armor guy shows up, it's nice to shoot at him for awhile, maybe gain a level.
 
Mr. Bambu said:
@Tllmbrg attempted to murder @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch because he hadn't had rec time in awhile. We have a makeshift prison up, so we arrested him before he could. When he was out, he immediately went to try to kill our only livestock, a radioactive cow, so we stopped him again. He now has two Catharses and is quite pleased with life.
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Hm, in retrospect maybe I should've had a more clear focus for my violence. Oh well I'm sure they all deserved it for whatever reason
 
Mr. Bambu said:
@Arceus0x is our first victim of body horror: he lost an eyeball fighting a man in full marine armor blasting it out with a fully automatic shotgun at close range. Our guns weren't strong enough to put him down quick, so we tasted the other side of the pointy stick that is Combat Extended: very brutal. He'll live, at least, and we can get bionic eyes eventually. Til then, Captain Sundowner has pretty ****** up depth perception.
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Bruh why is it that when I am trying to be Sundowner they start turning me into Raiden?
 
Arceus0x said:
Bruh why is it that when I am trying to be Sundowner they start turning me into Raiden?
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just make sure you don't become that fellow with the cut up limbs who talks about memes
 
Crabwhale said:
How the Hell did they do that. Did they hit me with another orbital laser.
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They had tanks, didn't know the tanks blew up if you destroyed them (they shouldn't, because you're just using a sword, but whatever). That, and prodigious rocket launcher use.

  • @Tllmbrg, while tending to our android, threatened their life and got into a social fight with them; they beat him up and now they're in adjacent hospital beds.
  • I've decided one of you will become a Corpsemeister, responsible for burning the bodies of our enemies and stripping them of their precious, material containing gear. Anything below a certain quality/durability will be recycled for its constituent parts. I've a feeling this will become @Epiccheev's area of expertise, as the non-combatant, but only if we can get a good cook in addition to @Armorchompy.
  • Our first Masterwork item was made, a wolfskin chair by @DMUA.
  • Also with DMUA, he had a crisis of belief in our cause, because @Arceus0x's room is nicer than his.
  • @Arceus0x is also the first recipient of a bionic installed in our colony, a synthetic skin gland a trader dropped when they died.
  • @Tllmbrg suffers our next grievous injury, having nearly died to a headshot from a gauss cannon. His jaw was ripped clean off, and he can now no longer speak. I blame this partially on the fact that @Lawiegg got bored of waiting for the enemy and went on an insulting spree just before the enemy got to our barricades, leaving Tllmbrg alone with just one other pawn to defend his barricade (@Arceus0x). We'll fix this as soon as we can.
  • The base is progressing very well. Most days, nobody even tries to kill another person! We're working on getting gunsmithing up to modern standards, so we can produce appropriate ammo types. After that will be progressively better turrets. We can look outward from our Basilica once we have it properly defended; vehicles and shit come later.
  • @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch has unwillingly been conscripted into our program for corpse disposal. We've dedicated a part of the facility to store the dead for cremation, and stripping them of their valuables, which we recycle down to their parts or use for ourselves. As his best skill is by far social, he needs something he can do more consistently: turns out, this is it.
  • I was notified that @Shmooply got food poisoning from eating insect jelly, as he was eating even more insect jelly.
  • We have learned to ignore the corpses. That is all.
  • We were pestered by a psychic suppression unit, causing all of our psyches to be dulled and... suppressed. So, we destroyed it. I sent out @Crabwhale with @Arceus0x, @Rakih_Elyan, and @Lawiegg to handle it, since it was fairly close and we didn't have any incoming attacks. Our efforts were rewarded with minimal resistance (only 8 pirates and a single turret), and a resurrection mech serum. What this means, for the Unenlightened, is that we have the means to bring someone back to life, should an unfortunate headshot occur.
We have officially survived the winter of the hell planet's southern pole, marking almost a year (60 days) since the game's start. We have yet to set up a massive hydroponics array, but we've managed to catch up on corpse disposal at a prodigious rate, and are profitting from it slowly but surely. The dining hall is extremely impressive, as are the barracks and workshop; the armory has space for the future, and our throne room is in progress. Our labwork is progressing well. We are doing well.
 
Mr. Bambu said:
He is not our best soldier, nor the one patching up the soldiers or feeding him. Instead, he is addressing our emotional crisis one nice tile at a time. Construction is all that matters. We need nice, cushioned interiors.
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Yeah that's expected;
Mr. Bambu said:
Luckily, and inexplicably, an unarmed @DMUA beat three of them into unconsciousness without being wounded. He has no melee weapons, and they did, so I don't actually know how this happened.
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I NEED that cave and to get THAT CAVE I need them to GET OFF MY CAVE TERRITORY
Mr. Bambu said:
  • Our first Masterwork item was made, a wolfskin chair by @DMUA.
  • Also with DMUA, he had a crisis of belief in our cause, because @Arceus0x's room is nicer than his.
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I don't think this is real,

But I'm gonna say it's real, especially in tandem with the above
 
Mr. Bambu said:
@Tllmbrg suffers our next grievous injury, having nearly died to a headshot from a gauss cannon. His jaw was ripped clean off, and he can now no longer speak. I blame this partially on the fact that @Lawiegg got bored of waiting for the enemy and went on an insulting spree just before the enemy got to our barricades, leaving Tllmbrg alone with just one other pawn to defend his barricade (@Arceus0x). We'll fix this as soon as we can.
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I have no mouth but must curse Lawiegg
 
Arceus0x said:
The next Shmoopy arc is here, Nikokado Smoopocado
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Two cells per second. I am always... two cells per second ahead.
tRXGq4u.png
 
I may as well submit Topaz. Baseliner, red hair, nothing notable
For Backstory, his childhood was as a Bookworm, and his adult life being a Human Computer
Traits would include Body Modder, he is Fast Learning and has a Perfect Memory. Unfortunately, he is a Pyromaniac Recluse. Good luck with that one

His best skills will be a Burning passion in Intellectual and Shooting, with a minor passion in Crafting and Medical

Let me know when he starts his first fire
Good luck :))
 
There was a moment in time where it looked like the game may have been irreparably bugged, wherein the fog of war covered the entire screen and made it impossible to discern anything. I fixed it, but looking online, things were decidedly spooky.

  • A horse @Lawiegg was hunting was struck by a piece of falling starcraft. Killed the ****** instantly. Lawie escaped.
  • The repair bench mod appears to be absolutely destroying the game via the aforementioned glitch; I learned this several times because @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch did not care if the game got broken, he very much wanted to mend our M60 we pilfered from an enemy, fog of war be damned.
  • We welcome @PsychoWarper and @Topaz404 to the Golgohrra Crusade, we immediately install a Reprocessor Stomach into Topaz to mitigate the Body Modder mood malus.
  • While hauling an elephant for butchering, @Armorchompy decided he was peeved off because of the pain he was in (on account of the mechanites coursing through his sensory nerves) and thought about how splendid it would be to try and murder @Shmooply. We stopped that nonsense of course.
  • We have more homosexual flirting of unknown cause, this time between @Arceus0x and @Topaz404. Arceus tried to woo Topaz by talking about... carrots. It didn't work, as neither were gay. I still have no ******* idea what causes this to happen but it is humorous to see. At the very least, no mood debuffs result from this, as they normally would, so perhaps it's just a prank, just trolling.
  • @Rakih_Elyan is no longer allowed to leave the lab except to sleep. We contemplate adding a bed in there so he can study in his sleep somehow.
  • It may be that the meta is to get one of you to go **** with any given siege until they blow themselves up. It's happened twice now where we trigger them to fire but they inevitably harm themselves to the point of total retreat, this time using @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch as the human bait willing sacrifice honorable hero who prompted the attack (solely because you were outside and nearby). You escaped unwounded, while they blew up infected ship chunks and three of their own tanks.
  • @Epiccheev is a rotten ************. In his crusade to equip random weapons, he has equipped a Persona Amplifying Rod, which was extremely valuable. He just took it for himself. It is now permanently bound to him. The bastard.
  • More and more of @DMUA's family join hostile factions to kill us, we've killed his pawn's dad, aunt, "kin", and sister so far. He is an emotional wreck, it is all @Epiccheev can do to help him forget even part of it via counseling.
  • Our first death is @Lawiegg. During a siege by a very large Mechanoid force (about 9000 points), a Centipede Blaster shot his head clean off, even destroyed his helmet in doing so. One of our Ignotus meatshields also had their leg torn off in this. Our guns were largely ineffective against their armor, which was pretty bad news - a grueling fight, even if the setup gave them no cover. We will resurrect him immediately, of course, but that was spooky.
  • We continue to attempt to be human in this hell. We have given beggars medicine, food, and money when asked, receiving nothing in return.
 
Mr. Bambu said:
We have more homosexual flirting of unknown cause, this time between @Arceus0x and @Topaz404. Arceus tried to woo Topaz by talking about... carrots. It didn't work, as neither were gay.
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I have nothing to say.
Either the sexual preference modificators are broken or my character likes to joke-flirt
 
  • I somehow missed that a trader that died on our lawn dropped a Deathless archite genepack. If we can get the proper materials and a genelab running, we can make people immortal, which is a pretty sick get. A ruin we raided earlier had a genebank I took but didn't do anything with, so now I suppose it comes in handy.
  • Bunch of elephants were just hanging out in the large cavern I intend to turn into a hydroponics farm, so I had @PsychoWarper... hunt them, with dynamite.
  • @PsychoWarper savagely attacked @Tllmbrg during a chess match between the two, ostensibly because Psycho was upset that he slept in the heat. No major injuries were had, it was just funny.
  • Upon exiting his resurrection coma, @Lawiegg instantly shot up and entered an alcohol binge; arguably a fair reaction, we still talked him out of it after he had chugged down some go-juice.
  • We have established, up to this point, three Bastions- outpost-settlements that supply us from afield. One, Arx Lamor, is positioned to the southeast in a mountain pass leading to the planet's southern pole, overlooking Leira Basin, a small inland sea only a few tiles across. It provides important military support to the other settlements, preventing them from being destroyed (hopefully) in return for a sum of silver. The second, Bastion Meniseron, is a smaller post, overlooking the Okapi Ankle Barrens. It primarily serves as a food production site, with a light military presence to defend it from meager attacks. The last (and the one I just now commissioned be made) will be on an island in the Hindinistia Ocean, controlling that area on behalf of the crusade; if someone wishes to suggest names for these places, do say so. There is an internal ranking system, wherein minor posts are dubbed Bastions, larger posts Arx, and the largest will share a title with our capital, Basilica.
  • When our base is complete, it seems our first war shall be plied against the Wookies; they have three settlements a stone's throw away from Basilica Caeles (our capital), and thus should die. They should be comparatively lightly armed, as they prefer to not wear armor (and thus die easy to bullets). When we have our attack force setup (I'm estimating a couple years on that one), we'll deal with them first.
  • Some sort of electric-eating butterfly was ******* with our batteries so I had @The_man_with_the_Midas_touch smoke it with his SMG.
  • We have our first recruit, a labor camp orphan who offered to join should we deal with a nearby site disabling electronics in the area. Obviously, I just sent @Crabwhale to deal with the nuisance, as he can get there in less than a day and kill most enemies with little danger to himself. Her name is Skye, a night owl with great memory: not bad. She's not a great shot but she has a burning passion for shooting and joined with a pretty good assault rifle equipped, so we'll work on it. For now, she joins the mining and construction crews.
  • @Topaz404 had their first firestarting spree, which they began immediately following @DMUA finishing an excellent-quality wolfskin drape for our in-progress throneroom; he set it on fire. We obviously stopped that particular flame, but something about that drape, man. It set him off. He then set fire to a stone table, make it make sense. I ordered Gav, our combat android, to follow him around to stop the fires he set: the android ran out of memory space and thus entered a brief coma whilst he continued to light fires. Dammit.
  • Realized that when @Crabwhale died, they removed his role as the High Stellarch of the Legion, so we're doing this again. We gather the Officers, and the Frontliners, to the War Room to re-announce him. After this, we will be somewhat regularly hosting Jubilees, in the hopes of bolstering our numbers. We have the food (and in fact our hydroponics room has been planned out and will be worked on shortly), so we just need the manpower.
  • Paraphrasing here, but @Tllmbrg and @Armorchompy ******* hate each other in this. The two were chilling out at our outdoor seating area, Tllmbrg insulted Armor's jawline and Armor insulted Tllmbrg's hairline. In the whole colony they are literally each other's least favorite person, they just keep finding ways to hang out and hate on each other.
  • @Shmooply and @Arceus0x are behaving in Ways that make me think they too have succumbed to @Epiccheev's brainrot of perpetually equipping different things; I've attempted to set up a loadout system to negate this, waiting to see if it works.
Shmooply said:
24VmZ3Z.png

4ZuOn2n.png
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I salute you for your contributions to the mental imagery of the playthrough, you're a hero.
 
DMUA said:
Did my family really just apparate into the scenario just to be killed
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Also: Yes, that appears to be the case. The writer's room is full of amateurs.

(what I think happened is that the game generated a particularly large family tree for you, and thus we keep running into your family members rather than the kin of others; I think you are the only pawn whose family has shown up in these raids so far)
 
aye aye, currently only a couple people have armor above Recon; we're basically just taking whatever the enemy drops. Piece of prestige marine armor here, set of cataphract there. It'll come together over time.
 
Mr. Bambu said:
@Topaz404 had their first firestarting spree, which they began immediately following @DMUA finishing an excellent-quality wolfskin drape for our in-progress throneroom; he set it on fire.
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I knew things were too back. The over has begun.
Mr. Bambu said:
Also: Yes, that appears to be the case. The writer's room is full of amateurs.

(what I think happened is that the game generated a particularly large family tree for you, and thus we keep running into your family members rather than the kin of others; I think you are the only pawn whose family has shown up in these raids so far)
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A curse to whoever had that many kids to cause this predicament
 
Damn, Topaz really hated that damn drape. And that stone table.
Guess his spree was so stupid it fried the brain of that combat android lmao
 
Mr. Bambu said:
Bunch of elephants were just hanging out in the large cavern I intend to turn into a hydroponics farm, so I had @PsychoWarper... hunt them, with dynamite.
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They shouldnt have been standing there if they didnt wanna get blown up tbh.
Mr. Bambu said:
  • @PsychoWarper savagely attacked @Tllmbrg during a chess match between the two, ostensibly because Psycho was upset that he slept in the heat. No major injuries were had, it was just funny.
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Unbelievably based.
 
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