Douchebag genie: Screw over peoples wishes

[Imaginym]

I wish I fully understood all currently known and unknown aspects of the hypothetical “theory of everything” in physics.

Granted. You are transported to another universe, & given comprehensive understanding of all currently known and unknown aspects of the hypothetical “theory of everything” in physics. Unfortunately, despite you surviving just fine in your new universe, its physics are irreconcilably different from ours, rendering your new knowledge irrelevant, & often times counter-productive, if not a waste of headspace entirely.

I wish to experience non-lethal harm to myself, in circumstances where the arrangement of the components of Earth's ground & core, relative to one another, & Earth's sea & atmosphere -Below the Karman Line, the common definition of the start of space & within 100 km of average sea level elevation-, also relative to one another themselves, are "inverted", such that the parts of Earth's land furthest from the core are now where the innermost parts of the core are, the 2nd furthest from the core are where the 2nd innermost parts of the core are, & so on & so forth, & likewise, the parts of the sea furthest from the outermost parts of the atmosphere switch places with one another, the 2nd furthest parts of the sea from the 2nd furthest parts of the atmosphere within the Karman line switch places one another, & so on & so forth.

 

[JoshDoshMosh]

I wish I had a sandwich

 

[OriginFox]

I wish I had a sandwich

Granted, but you have no mouth

 

[OriginFox]

I wish I could cure any kind of illness or wounds regardless of how bad it is

 

[Nullflowerblush]

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Eat (This Sandwich).

 

[OriginFox]

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Eat (This Sandwich).

Granted, now you have no legs or arms and the sandwich is placed on top of a table

 

[Nullflowerblush]

I wish I could cure any kind of illness or wounds regardless of how bad it is

Granted. However, in order to cure these illnesses, you would need to go out of your way to successfully develop the antidotes yourself. You have the knowledge to create miracle serums, but you lack the resources, and no one in the science or medical community believes your outlandish claims (imagine going around town screaming, "I can cure cancer, but I can't do it right now!"), so you will never obtain the resources required.

Essentially, you can cure all illnesses and treat all wounds, but you actually can't.

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

I wish I could cure any kind of illness or wounds regardless of how bad it is

Everytime you do, you will get that illness or wound and it'll be fatally and painfully worse than the original one, to the point you wish for death

 

[JoshDoshMosh]

I Have No Mouth, and I Must Eat (This Sandwich).

Kinda ashamed how much time this took

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

Kinda ashamed how much time this took

Masterpiece

 

[Delta333]

I wish no one here need to suffer from bad effects of their own wishes

 

[Daddybrawl]

I wish no one here need to suffer from bad effects of their own wishes

granted. They no longer need to suffer. We want them to.

I wish I had a nice, yummy plate of Cinnamon Rolls with me rn.

 

[ZoroNotZolo]

granted. They no longer need to suffer. We want them to.

I wish I had a nice, yummy plate of Cinnamon Rolls with me rn.

Granted, but you can't eat them.

I wish Hibana from Fire Force was in this universe, and that if she maintains her powers and stats, I could resist her heat syncope and flames, as well as scale to her stats just in case bad stuff happens.

 

[Delta333]

granted. They no longer need to suffer. We want them to.

Not really bad because now more people are masochists like me

 

[Imaginym]

Granted, but you can't eat them.

I wish Hibana from Fire Force was in this universe, and that if she maintains her powers and stats, I could resist her heat syncope and flames, as well as scale to her stats just in case bad stuff happens.

Granted. Unfortunately, her place in this universe is being shunted into the suffocating gases of Uranus, which, even if her fires don't detonate so that she doesn't burn alive, nor does she get hydrogen sulfide poisoning, freeze to death or asphyxiate, she'll surely starve, nearly 2.9 billion KM from Earth.


I wish for a giant, upside down 6-ringed Tower of Hanoi to impale the site of the largest moat in the world, Angkor Wat, with the Tower & its 6 rings made of indestructible stone, arranged largest closest to the base of the pole, & the smallest sized perfectly to fall around Angkor Wat's castle & fill the moat completely, & with each of the 6 rings matching the colouration & powers of a Marvel Cinematic Universe Infinity Stone, with the exceptions that their Infinity Stone like abilities function in our universe, but can only be used by those who can lift the rings.

 

[Blahblah9755]

I wish to experience non-lethal harm to myself, in circumstances where the arrangement of the components of Earth's ground & core, relative to one another, & Earth's sea & atmosphere -Below the Karman Line, the common definition of the start of space & within 100 km of average sea level elevation-, also relative to one another themselves, are "inverted", such that the parts of Earth's land furthest from the core are now where the innermost parts of the core are, the 2nd furthest from the core are where the 2nd innermost parts of the core are, & so on & so forth, & likewise, the parts of the sea furthest from the outermost parts of the atmosphere switch places with one another, the 2nd furthest parts of the sea from the 2nd furthest parts of the atmosphere within the Karman line switch places one another, & so on & so forth.

Granted. The Earth starts shaking, and you feel intense pain as the air is torn from your lungs, and your body is flung downwards through the crust, mantle, and the molten core. You lose consciousness for a moment as your body breaks apart, but this harm is no longer lethal to you, as your mind detached from your body and continues falling. When you become conscious again, you can no longer tell where your former body begins and ends among the sludge.

Within seconds, all matter on the outer crust: the animals and civilizations, ecosystems and landforms, everything is crushed together at the center of this new planet with incredible speed. A ball of pulverized organic material, rock, and metals flow at the high speeds created by their fall.

As seconds turn to hours, you watch as the flow slows down. With so much energy and nowhere for it to escape, it’s converted to heat. The sludge continues to glow brighter and brighter.

As the hours turn to days, the flow of the objects within this new core settles. Almost all the energy has become heat, and the last molecules have long since broken down. The least dense elements “float” into the center of this new world, your mind amongst them.

Days turn to months, and months turn to years, but nothing changes, at least nothing you can see. And in this unchanging world, the isolation gets to you. You start questioning yourself. Was it all a dream? Was there ever a surface? A human race? No. How could there be? All that ever was, all that ever will be, all there is is the glow, and I am one with it.

As you stop seeing yourself as an individual, you no longer see your mind as crucial. You think to yourself, I am merely a part of the glow, as long as that remains, what harm have I suffered? As you no longer see it’s loss as lethal harm, your consciousness fades away.

I wish for a giant, upside down 6-ringed Tower of Hanoi to impale the site of the largest moat in the world, Angkor Wat, with the Tower & its 6 rings made of indestructible stone, arranged largest closest to the base of the pole, & the smallest sized perfectly to fall around Angkor Wat's castle & fill the moat completely, & with each of the 6 rings matching the colouration & powers of a Marvel Cinematic Universe Infinity Stone, with the exceptions that their Infinity Stone like abilities function in our universe, but can only be used by those who can lift the rings.

Granted, but the person who hates you most in the world at any given moment will possess superhuman stats necessary to lift the rings and survive the infinity stone energy.

I wish the fires caused by global warming would stop.

 

[Imaginym]

I wish the fires caused by global warming would stop.

Granted. The fires stop, & remain frozen in time. Their molecules & even subatomic particles immobile, the fires reach a temperature of absolute zero, freezing their surroundings, while this magical time stop makes the images of the fires persist, never leaving the Earth, their appearance & seemingly unyielding cold a cruel reminder of the consequences of global warming.

I wish for everyone except me to come into ownership of a kind & loving pet of their own, all of the owners of which appreciate & care for their new pet(s) as they should.

(Also, just wanna say, I greatly appreciate you taking the effort to grant my verbose wishes, @Blahblah9755 . I hope they're fun for you. In part, especially because I have several other absurd wishes to throw at this thread.)

 

[Daddybrawl]

I wish for everyone except me to come into ownership of a kind & loving pet of their own, all of the owners of which appreciate & care for their new pet(s) as they should.

Granted. However, ‘As they Should’ varies too often, and is therefore granted as ‘As they Believe they Should’. This leads to thousands of Kind and Loving animals being appreciated, and then ‘taken care of’ by being placed into dangerous situations by people who believe it’s right to do so- the same people who run Dog Fights, who are Serial Killers, or just simple Children who don’t know any better accidentally placing their beloved animals in danger. Millions upon Millions of animals across the world die just because of your wish, or worse, they’re misused or abused by the owners they so lovingly care for.

…ok that got dark what the crap brain.

I wish to forget this post lol

 

[Livinmeme]

I wish to be able to absorb souls to get superhuman abilitys

 

[Oliver_de_jesus]

I wish to be able to absorb souls to get superhuman abilitys

granted, you cannot see the souls anyway so it is impossible for you to absorb 1.

I wish I could jump 5 meters

 

[JoshDoshMosh]

Granted, you jump 5 meters in the air, but I made it so you’re very top heavy when you jump, because screw you
You end up busting your head on the ground

granted, you cannot see the souls anyway so it is impossible for you to absorb 1.

I wish I could jump 5 meters

 

[Delta333]

I wish I could jump 5 meters

Granted,you will enter gate of hell if you jump 5 meters

 

[Imaginym]

granted, you cannot see the souls anyway so it is impossible for you to absorb 1.

I wish I could jump 5 meters

Granted. You can jump 5 meters, horizontally or vertically, but not diagonally, & never any distance other than 5 meters. (Whoops, wish claimed already.)

I wish to forget this post lol

Granted. You will forget this post in time, but you might receive an unpleasant reminder of its existence.

I wish that all ravens that were normally ravens would become writing desks, & all writing desks that were normally writing desks would become ravens, & each individual transformed this way would revert to its original form when a similarity between a raven & a writing desk applicable to that individual is pointed out in spoken or written within earshot or human vision range of the individual.

 

[Daddybrawl]

Granted. You will forget this post in time, but you might receive an unpleasant reminder of its existence.

I wish that all ravens that were normally ravens would become writing desks, & all writing desks that were normally writing desks would become ravens, & each individual transformed this way would revert to its original form when a similarity between a raven & a writing desk applicable to that individual is pointed out in spoken or written within earshot or human vision range of the individual.

Of what’s existence?

Oh, also, Granted. However, neither Ravens or Writing Desks can be considered Individuals due to their lack of Human-Like Intelligence. So the change is permanent. Whoops.

I wish Cloning (Sci-fi Cloning) became a thing irl

 

[Oliver_de_jesus]

Of what’s existence?

Oh, also, Granted. However, neither Ravens or Writing Desks can be considered Individuals due to their lack of Human-Like Intelligence. So the change is permanent. Whoops.

I wish Cloning (Sci-fi Cloning) became a thing irl

granted but the clones constantly try to replace the original.

I wish I had class 1 lifting Strength

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

I wish I had class 1 lifting Strength

Granted, but lifting anything will get you arrested.

I wish for a Hamburger.

 

[Oliver_de_jesus]

Granted, but lifting anything will get you arrested.

I wish for a Hamburger.

so i can't wear a sweater or my phone?

granted but the burger is in bad condition

 

[Livinmeme]

I wish i have superhuman perception and i can turn it off and on back to human perceptions and i can do it infinite times

 

[MistaClean]

I wish i have superhuman perception and i can turn it off and on back to human perceptions and i can do it infinite times

Granted. But doing it gives you a heart attack.

I wish I had a Big Mac from McDonalds.

 

[Imaginym]

I wish i have superhuman perception and i can turn it off and on back to human perceptions and i can do it infinite times

Granted. Unfortunately, turning your superhuman perceptions on or off requires you "reboot", causing you to fall unconscious, if not comatose, every time you switch between the two levels of sensitivity. (Whoops, someone got to that before me.)

Granted. But doing it gives you a heart attack.

I wish I had a Big Mac from McDonalds.

Granted. You had one, but you don't quite remember the taste, & you still want another.

I wish for an "Among Us Potion" mixture that, if ingested after 3 AM but before sunrise, in a matter of minutes transforms the victim into a likeness of the Crewmate from Among Us, to infect the water systems of another country, & by pure coincidence, this transformative substance never comes within 100 km of my location.

 

[Livinmeme]

Granted. But doing it gives you a heart attack.

I wish I had a Big Mac from McDonalds.

Granted but there is a 50% chance of ronald mc donald going to your houses to beat you up

 

[Emirp sumitpo]

so i can't wear a sweater or my phone?

Yes, not even yourself

 

[Livinmeme]

Granted but the impostors wants to kill you and you dont know who is a crewmate and a impostor

 

[Oliver_de_jesus]

Yes, not even yourself

I'd rather be arrested than starve, I don't think it would be a crime compared to murder

 

[Imaginym]

Granted but the impostors wants to kill you and you dont know who is a crewmate and a impostor

....Wait, but I only wished for a Potion Mixture that turns people into likenesses of the Crewma-Oh, dangit, the Impostor has the Likeness of the Crewmate, so by my wording, the potion COULD turn people into Impostors, lol.

....That or Impostors already exist on Earth. D :

 

[Delta333]

I wish I had a yummy pizza which is big enough for everyone here to eat together

 

[Imaginym]

I wish I had a yummy pizza which is big enough for everyone here to eat together

Granted. Unfortunately, Imaginym isn't very hungry, so he doesn't eat his whole portion, leaving a very small amount of the big, tasty pizza uneaten.

(Just because I have to screw over wishes, doesn't mean I always can't be gentle about it.)(Also, I hope I'm not posting too much for anyone's taste.)

 

[MistaClean]

I wish I had a yummy pizza which is big enough for everyone here to eat together

Granted, but there is pineapple on it.

I was I had Superhuman Physical Characteristics

 

[OriginFox]

Granted, but there is pineapple on it.

I was I had Superhuman Physical Characteristics

Granted, but you can't control yourself and accidentally kill people

 

[Delta333]

I was I had Superhuman Physical Characteristics

Granted,your intelligence is below average