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Douchebag genie: Screw over peoples wishes

Granted, but there is pineapple on it.

I was I had Superhuman Physical Characteristics
Granted but your organs are still human level durability so for example if you accelerate to fast your brain will go like a ping pong ball killing you in a painfull way and you cant deactivate so have fun with that :)
 
I wish I could Time Travel
Granted. However, you must do so in rules similar to Kingdom Hearts time travel rules: There must already be a version of you existing at your destination, & you must separate your Heart from your physical form to do so.
Unfortunately, for you, you likely don't have a "Heart" in the way KH is often concerned with, so for you to time travel, you must use the more literal approach of removing your heart -the organ- from your body to be able to time travel.
Other than those steps & the matter of surviving their undertaking, however, it's a fairly easy process.


I wish that for 1 month, on The Real World's Earth, The Ten Covenants would take effect, & everyone would be magically forced to obey all of The Ten Convenants, whether they swear to them or not.

  1. All murder, war, and robbery are forbidden in this world.
  2. All conflict in this world will be resolved through games.
  3. In games, each player will bet something that they agree is of equal value.
  4. As long as it doesn't violate pledge three, anything may be bet, and any game may be played.
  5. The challenged party has the right to decide the rules of the game.
  6. Any bets made in accordance with the pledges must be upheld.
  7. Conflicts between groups will be conducted by designated representatives with absolute authority.
  8. Being caught cheating during a game is grounds for an instant loss.
  9. In the name of god, the previous rules may never be changed.
  10. Let's all have fun and play together!
 
I wish that for 1 month, on The Real World's Earth, The Ten Covenants would take effect, & everyone would be magically forced to obey all of The Ten Convenants, whether they swear to them or not.

  1. All murder, war, and robbery are forbidden in this world.
  2. All conflict in this world will be resolved through games.
  3. In games, each player will bet something that they agree is of equal value.
  4. As long as it doesn't violate pledge three, anything may be bet, and any game may be played.
  5. The challenged party has the right to decide the rules of the game.
  6. Any bets made in accordance with the pledges must be upheld.
  7. Conflicts between groups will be conducted by designated representatives with absolute authority.
  8. Being caught cheating during a game is grounds for an instant loss.
  9. In the name of god, the previous rules may never be changed.
  10. Let's all have fun and play together!
Granted, however the only game anyone can think of is a pistol duel, and no one thinks to use rubber or wax bullets. Due to the contradictory nature of rules 1 and 4 in relation to a murder game, no conflicts are ever able to be resolved, and any soured relationship on any scale leads to total cessation if interaction, and endless frustration. Of course, this contradicts the 10th rule of having fun, leaving everyone in a state similar to bipolar disorder, shifting between jovial and irritation, leading to emotional exhaustion and depression. To avoid this, most people begin to refuse any and all interaction except for their closest and most amicable contacts. After the one month period ends, effect continues due to the 9th rule overruling the time limit on your wish, and society continues collapsing.

I wish all languages that used phonetic letters had a grammar rule that required that you can take the third letter in every 3+ letter word of a sentence excluding the final, and place them in order to form the final word of the sentence.
 
I wish all languages that used phonetic letters had a grammar rule that required that you can take the third letter in every 3+ letter word of a sentence excluding the final, and place them in order to form the final word of the sentence.
Granted. All spoken languages have now been replaced with sign languages.

I wish for the manga Cheat Slayer to continue exactly as the creator originally envisioned it, with no negative legal repercussions to anyone, & for it to become a hit success.
 
I wish Vagabond was picked up where it left off.
It gets picked up again and the author manages to make it even better, nailing every single aspect and increasing hype and expectations for the series exponentially.
Only to screw up by giving the series the most incomprehensible and underwhelming ending, causing everyone that read it to wish they never did in the first place.

I wish the El hermano and Gohan calvo multiverse was canon to Dragon Ball
 
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Granted, however all “high”, “multi”, and “large” and “low”, “dwarf”, and “small” tiers are changed to use + or - respectively, and this doesn’t change the way we use the + currently. So, for instance, tier 6 is now divided into:
Island level
Island level+
Island level+
Island level++
Country level-
Country level-+
Country level
Country level+
Country level+
Country level++
Continent level
Continent level+
Continent level+
Continent level+
Continent level++

I wish I could balance everything I own on my head without suffering any bodily harm in the process.
 
I wish I could balance everything I own on my head without suffering any bodily harm in the process.
Granted. But so long as anything not part of your body is atop your head (Even a simple hat), Probability, Fate & Luck are Manipulated to make your possessions far more likely to suffer damage. (Ex: By falling off of your head.)

I wish that the Donkey Kong & every Golden Banana from Donkey Kong 64, & the Donkey Kong & every Crystal Coconut from the Donkey Kong Country animated series would appear, scattered about in our world, with both Donkey Kong's unconcerned with me, & although unaware of each other, both know of & want all of the treasures (Golden Bananas/Crystal Coconuts) from the other's world here, both DK's wanting to collect not only all the Golden Bananas, but also all of the Crystal Coconuts.
 
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I wanna eat Nashville Fried Chicken, but live in Asia....so I can't eat it.
🙁
Granted, all your assets have been spent for the purpose of moving you to Nashville, where you now reside, homeless, outside of a fried chicken place, subsisting off of their scraps.
I wish that the Donkey Kong & every Golden Banana from Donkey Kong 64, & the Donkey Kong & every Crystal Coconut from the Donkey Kong Country animated series would appear, scattered about in our world, with both Donkey Kong's unconcerned with me, & although unaware of each other, both know of & want all of the treasures (Golden Bananas/Crystal Coconuts) from the other's world here, both DK's wanting to collect not only all the Golden Bananas, but also all of the Crystal Coconuts.
Granted, however the two Kongs are only brought here as spirits that take over the bodies of two regular gorillas. Because this includes both the brain and muscles, they lack the intelligence to locate any of the collectibles, and lack the athleticism and strength to perform any of their typical feats. The two are eventually captured and taken to a zoo, where they spend their days taunted by a minimum wage employee of a pretzel stand outside the gorilla enclosure, who one day happened to find and display a strange gold colored banana which never seems to go bad.

I wish it was standard to have a three and a half ton bear in Sherlock Holmes cosplay appear as the guest star detective of the fourth episode of every season of each detective or police show on television.
 
I wish it was standard to have a three and a half ton bear in Sherlock Holmes cosplay appear as the guest star detective of the fourth episode of every season of each detective or police show on television.
Granted, but those shows will have extremely limited access meaning little to no one can watch those shows
 
I wish for the most dangerous 90% of the world's stray dogs & cats to instantly & harmlessly become their least dangerous natural components.

(I have multiple wishes I have in a document ready, some pretty absurd, but I try not to do 1 more than wish per post, & grant 1 if I can, as well as not to post too often without others posting. SHOULD I throw multiple of my wishes at once at this thread?)
 
I wish for the most dangerous 90% of the world's stray dogs & cats to instantly & harmlessly become their least dangerous natural components.

(I have multiple wishes I have in a document ready, some pretty absurd, but I try not to do 1 more than wish per post, & grant 1 if I can, as well as not to post too often without others posting. SHOULD I throw multiple of my wishes at once at this thread?)
Granted but the remain 10% become extremlly dangerous and are 10x faster and stronger
 
(I have multiple wishes I have in a document ready, some pretty absurd, but I try not to do 1 more than wish per post, & grant 1 if I can, as well as not to post too often without others posting. SHOULD I throw multiple of my wishes at once at this thread?)
I’d stick to one per post, but if no one replies to it after a while, feel free to double post.

I wish every language was restricted to only 5 words, but they could fully express all meaningful ideas and sentiments without any ambiguity or confusion to others who knew those 5 words.
 
I’d stick to one per post, but if no one replies to it after a while, feel free to double post.

I wish every language was restricted to only 5 words, but they could fully express all meaningful ideas and sentiments without any ambiguity or confusion to others who knew those 5 words.
Granted, but now all 7.9+ billion people speak a unique five-word language that only they understand.

I wish for it to be impossible to spoil me on any media/franchise I want to get into
 
I wish to receive real, non-temporary & functional versions of EVERYTHING that was a result of Genie's magic during the events of the song "Friend Like Me" from Disney's Aladdin.
 
I wish to receive real, non-temporary & functional versions of EVERYTHING that was a result of Genie's magic during the events of the song "Friend Like Me" from Disney's Aladdin.
Granted. You receive real, non-temporary and functional paper cut-out versions of everything that Genie Made. Go wild.

I wish for INFINITE COSMIC POWER
 
Paper cut-outs.
As in, drawings, cut out of paper.
The wish has been twisted, and I think it was good. I am not an inherently Malicious Genie, just an incompetent one.
 
You maniac you blew it up.
First Douchebag genie I wish the new genie was killed in a way that didn't cause harm to the rest of existence.
Granted. However, it’s instead granted by this Genie, who decides not to erase himself. Whoops.

I wish for lobsters to rain from the sky, snap
 
Granted. However, it’s instead granted by this Genie, who decides not to erase himself. Whoops.

I wish for lobsters to rain from the sky, snap
Granted, however they’re actually lobsters that learnt to fly and are specifically dropping on you with intention to pinch, and if you try to use your douchebag genie powers to stop or harm them, anything negative that would happen to them will happen to you instead.

I wish the Douchebag genies would merge into one, erasing each of their personalities and creating a new, more powerful, douchier genie.
 
I wish the Douchebag genies would merge into one, erasing each of their personalities and creating a new, more powerful, douchier genie.
Granted. All the Douchebag Genies begin to coalesce. Their bodies merging into one, their powers increasing by the multifold. Those who did nothing except grant the wishes of others… those who tried to their best to overcome the other Genies with their wish making…. Those who manipulated the wish granting of others for their own, selfish purposes…. And those who only granted wishes for the sick twists of destroying the multiverse or cataclysmic annihilation of mathematic concepts. All the Douchebag Genies become one whole being, the Hive Mind merging into one, United soul, destined for either great Good, or great Evil.

Do not worry, for more Douchebag Genies shall arrive, the Hive Mind destined to reform in the scenario where one performs a catastrophic feat such as this one. But for now, he stands alone, United as one. The Genesis Genie has been formed, from the United form of both the Hive Mind and the Freed Genie, and now a rival has been presented. Good luck.


I wish Among Us was never created.
 
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