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Douchebag genie: Screw over peoples wishes

i wish i can ditch this world
Granted, there’s a shockwave and a burst of wind as a hole opens up in space and time and you’re sucked in, losing consciousness.
When you awaken you look around wondering what kind of new world you might have found yourself in, only to realize you’re exactly where you were before. You try to stand up, but fall over. Turns out the reason you fell unconscious is because the high g-forces you experienced being pulled into the portal left you injured in some ways. You aren’t sure exactly how yet, but judging by the lack of sound, your instability, and the blood dripping down the side of your head, you can guess your vestibular system and ear drums are both in a less than ideal state. Your clothes are also in tatters and you’re bruised.
You try to call your local emergency number, but your phone doesn’t seem to have any service. Luckily, someone sees you and calls an ambulance, but even after arriving in a hospital you know you’ve been to before, they’re unable to find any medical records on you.
Due to your astoundingly bad condition, you’re treated anyways, but during the treatment you realize you’re having trouble speaking. Your vocal chords are fine, and you can think of all the ideas you want to say, but they keep coming out wrong. Turns out, you had a stroke, probably from the blood rushing to your head as you were pulled through the portal. You have to undergo surgery for some of your injuries, and the combined cost of those and the various diagnostic procedures you had are enormous.
You try to pay, but your insurance and any cards or checks you might have used are declined, and not just due to the excessive cost, but because they’re unable to find any accounts associated with them. You try to get them to call your family, friends, or anyone else who would know you, but all the numbers either aren’t in service or connect to someone else entirely. Eventually you’re forced to take out a loan and give a down payment in cash.
Due to the way your attempts of payment were declined, an investigation is opened into you, and it’s found that the cash you paid with has a serial number that isn’t in service.
You make a realization.
Congratulations, you’ve successfully ditched this world, and arrived in one exactly like it, permanently injuring yourself in the process. In this world, nothing you’ve ever done happened, no one knows you, you can’t access any services you had in your old world, and you’re currently under investigation for fraud and money laundering while living out of a hospital.
I wish mosquitoes died instantly upon getting closer than 3 meters to any human
Granted, but to counteract this change mosquito genetics have changed, they now suck more blood from other animals (even those with fur or scales) and have breeding cycles that take 1/100th their previous period. With this change, the mosquito population rapidly grows, until it’s nearly impossible to travel more than a few meters without killing tens of millions of them. After only a few months, the diseases they once spread to humans now adapt to spread to all other animals.
Farm animals, pets, and even wild animals begin losing population quickly. Another month later, 99.7% of all known land vertebrates on the planet are endangered or extinct. The human population hasn’t plummeted yet, but more than 90% of all humans are malnourished, protein deficiency has been declared an epidemic, and the global economy is in crisis.
A few years pass, and the remaining humans have adapted to obtaining all their protein from plant life, and with most other land animals extinct, the mosquito population that at its peak exceeded an octillion is on a rapid decline.

I wish there were better inexpensive restaurants near my house.
 
Wouldnt that become a black hole because the ******* densetiy of that thing.... okay not really but it will be funny a mosquitoes black hole
 
Wouldnt that become a black hole because the ******* densetiy of that thing.... okay not really but it will be funny a mosquitoes black hole
Theoretically literally everything can become a black hole if compressed enough. A mosquito black hole wouldn't last long though cuz hawking radiation
 
Theoretically literally everything can become a black hole if compressed enough. A mosquito black hole wouldn't last long though cuz hawking radiation
Radiaton lose is a bitch

Why i cant have a cat blackhole
 
Radiaton lose is a bitch

Why i cant have a cat blackhole
You can. You just need a lot of cats.

For example, or perhaps a point of comparison: Have you considered what would happen if you had a Mole of Moles? If so read this:
If you're confused about the premise: "Mole" can mean a unit of measurement/number equal to 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 of them (usually written 6.022×10^23).
That's around 602 sextillion moles (The animal.), & for comparison, Wolfram Alpha estimates that as being 0.6 to 6000 times the number of grains of sand on Earth.

It’s such a big number because it’s used for counting numbers of molecules, which there are a lot of. "One mole" is close to the number of atoms in a gram of hydrogen.

All those moles? Well, that website rather haphazardly estimates it as about only half the weight of Earth's moon.

So yeah. You COULD have a cat black hole. You just need A LOT of cats.
 
Wouldnt making the cats into a fleshy absurdly condense ball would kill us all because that things will bring alot of heat
 
Wouldnt making the cats into a fleshy absurdly condense ball would kill us all because that things will bring alot of heat
Yes, but from what I've read, it would take a very long time, because little to no oxygen & the temperatures bacteria can survive at (To decompose stuff & release heat.) take a while, & fur insulates it, reducing heat loss.
The bigger threat might just be the cat-ball's mass/gravity. Imagine Earth getting a 2nd moon, even if it is smaller.
 
Has anyone made the "Granted, but you have prostate cancer." Joke yet?
 
I wish for all current day spambots to be digitally & temporally transported into the operating systems of computers that existed in the year 1997.
 
I wish for all current day spambots to be digitally & temporally transported into the operating systems of computers that existed in the year 1997.
Granted, but you now have prostate cancer.
 
I wish for all current day spambots to be digitally & temporally transported into the operating systems of computers that existed in the year 1997.
Granted the spambots get conscience become super intelegent and changes history so all A.I are spambots
 
You already made this wish after encountering a spam bot in the last timeline destroying a truly perfect utopian society causing this timeline which is now trapped in the time between the time you sent it back to and the time you made the wish.
 
(I should note that whenever I think of a wish I think might be interesting, I record it to Notepad. So hopefully I'm not taking too many wishes. Also, y'all should be making wishes, too.)

I wish for, with no involvement of me, except as an observer as a normal person might be, NASA's Mars Perseverance Rover to take a NSFW photo of itself, hack the Twitter account that posts on said Rover's behalf, & post said NSFW image, with similarly NSFW commentary, & continue to do so.
 
I wish I was immune to any and all negative effects regardless of any twisting you could do with this wish.
 
I wish I was immune to any and all negative effects regardless of any twisting you could do with this wish.
Granted but you get what most people loves and you hate multiplied by 100000x technically making a good effect in the eyes of the majority. oh also is everything most people love but you hate so have fun with that
 
That's still a negative effect so you didn't fulfill the wish. I am untouchable.
Nah is 100 people+ vs you so....

oh also

Every wish fusions inself into a hate ball making him so powerfull that he looks you like fiction totally ignoring the untouchable part and making you suffer by watching a shitty harry poter fanfiction, that somewhat got into a movie,
 
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