You vs. Toddlers

[azontr]

I would never actually kill a toddler, and feel uncomfortable even talking of performing said act in a hypothetical, so I’ll switch this to regular adult humans since that feels mildly less morally reprehensible and doesn’t change my answer.

How weak.

Won't even kill a couple of toddlers to save yourself.

 

[Pikaman]

Considering the definition of weapon is defined as "a thing designed or used for inflicting bodily harm or physical damage" then I chose the spawn with a black hole that will consume toddlers until the heat death of the universe.

I.. think the OP intended the “designed” part rather than the “improvisational use” part...

 

[Pikaman]

How weak.

Won't even kill a couple of toddlers to save yourself.

Come talking when you get a 6.3 million body count

 

[ZillertheBucko]

The age old question...

You mere minding your own business one particularly slow afternoon, until you were transported to a different realm. A realm consisting of an infinite, flat plane (lol). A voice booms across this endless world, an announcer of some sorts. It says that you might fight for your life against an infinite army of bloodthirsty toddlers from an alternate, evil universe. They will "spawn in" one at a time, one toddler every five seconds. You have to fight for your life and manage your energy as you war against the murderous infants with any real world weapon of your choice (or any finite amount of pitbulls, because funny), or you can utilize the toddlers themselves. After all, infinite toddlers just means infinite improvised melee weapons (Thanks for the joke, WeeklyBattles). If you were thrown into this situation, how many toddlers would you be able to take down (I.E. Kill or incap if you're soft)?

Note: This is all just a big meme. Don't crucify me.

my real world weapon of choice will be the world itself, I simply have my own planet that the toddlers can't reach and get to live out the rest of my life as they all are destroyed via natural selection and starvation
my planet would also include an industry that makes the flat world highly dangerous with a radioactive atmosphere and spikes and various other things to make it uninhabitable, thus increasing my kill count as I simply sit on my planet in peace
and therfore, assuming a toddler dies every

assuming I kill one toddler every minute, I would end up with at least 42076800 kills in my lifetime, likely far higher
and therfore, I am the winner

just remember: the world itself is my weapon, no rule says it can't be multi purpose...

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

Honestly, I would say that is a bit much. But I never really set a limit on what you can use.

In the OP I did steal make a joke about using the toddlers themselves as improvised weapons, so....

 

[azontr]

Come talking when you get a 6.3 million body count

I'll see you next month.

 

[Pikaman]

my real world weapon of choice will be the world itself, I simply have my own planet that the toddlers can't reach and get to live out the rest of my life as they all are destroyed via natural selection and starvation
my planet would also include an industry that makes the flat world highly dangerous with a radioactive atmosphere and spikes and various other things to make it uninhabitable, thus increasing my kill count as I simply sit on my planet in peace
and therfore, assuming a toddler dies every

assuming I kill one toddler every minute, I would end up with at least 42076800 kills in my lifetime, likely far higher
and therfore, I am the winner

just remember: the world itself is my weapon, no rule says it can't be multi purpose...

If you wanna go down that route, create a solar system, with yourself on Earth and the sun neatly rested on the spawn point, you’d increase your rate 30-fold, killing every 5 second spawn instantly instead of within a minute

 

[ZillertheBucko]

If you wanna go down that route, create a solar system, with yourself on Earth and the sun neatly rested on the spawn point, you’d increase your rate 30-fold, killing every 5 second spawn instantly instead of within a minute

better idea, I just make a universe and the event horizon of a black hole in the spawn point will take care of the rest
boosting my kill count far beyond any finite value you could type out within your lifespan

 

[Pikaman]

better idea, I just make a universe and the event horizon of a black hole in the spawn point will take care of the rest
boosting my kill count far beyond any finite value you could type out within your lifespan

I mean, The Sun also insta-kills, the Black Hole is just overkill when both have the exact same rate of efficiency. Yes a High 3-A tasked with killing a 7-B for example will do the job instantly with a one shot, but so will a 5-C. One is obviously leagues stronger, but both are overqualified to the point their own differences are irrelevant

 

[ZillertheBucko]

I mean, The Sun also insta-kills, the Black Hole is just overkill when both have the exact same rate of efficiency. Yes a High 3-A tasked with killing a 7-B for example will do the job instantly with a one shot, but so will a 5-C. One is obviously leagues stronger, but both are overqualified to the point their own differences are irrelevant

the difference between a 0.1 seconds kill and a 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds kill is very massive, and even though both would be "instant" the ending kill count on the latter would be higher since this is multiplication, not addition

 

[Pikaman]

the difference between a 0.1 seconds kill and a 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds kill is very massive, and even though both would be "instant" the ending kill count on the latter would be higher since this is multiplication, not addition

Except both are killing at exactly the same speed, being placed in the centre of a sun will kill you at exactly the same speed as being placed in the centre of a black hole if I’m not mistake

 

[ZillertheBucko]

Except both are killing at exactly the same speed, being placed in the centre of a sun will kill you at exactly the same speed as being placed in the centre of a black hole if I’m not mistake

well heat moves at a certain speed slower than light but an event horizon is far beyond that since it sucks light in too
....I think.... I'm not a phycisist

 

[MonkeyOfLife]

What’s confusing about what I said?

That you took it too seriously or something kinda

 

[Aguywhodoesthings]

Do i get access to explosives?
Assuming that i do my kill count would probably reach into the hundreds until i eventually blow myself up from incompetency and no knowledge in handling explosives

 

[MonkeyOfLife]

You guys using weapons?

 

[azontr]

You guys using weapons?

Monke throw hands with toddlers?

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

Monke snap necks

also nice;

 

[Aguywhodoesthings]

Could a Monkey theoretically outdo a Pitbull?

 

[MonkeyOfLife]

Lol… they easily can… wtf is that downplay

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

Favoritism

Anyway, depends on the species. Like some monkeys are tiny.

 

[Pikaman]

Do i get access to explosives?
Assuming that i do my kill count would probably reach into the hundreds until i eventually blow myself up from incompetency and no knowledge in handling explosives

Well people have weaponised nukes, black holes, stars, and planets so I’d say a few bombs is good yeah

 

[azontr]

Can I combine the pitbulls into one to form a german shepherd?

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

Can I combine the pitbulls into one to form a german shepherd?

As in crossbreeding?

 

[azontr]

As in crossbreeding?

No, I'm gonna have them do the fusion dance from DB. I don't think any amount of crossbreeding I do with pitbulls would get me a german shepherd.

 

[Aguywhodoesthings]

What if it only made a bigger pitbull?

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

I thought you meant like crossbreed a Pitbull and a German Shepherd together. Guess not.

 

[azontr]

I thought you meant like crossbreed a Pitbull and a German Shepherd together. Guess not

You didn't give me access to a german shepherd, so how am I meant to do that?

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

You didn't give me access to a german shepherd, so how am I meant to do that?

You could have just asked. I didn't put a limit on what you can have.

 

[azontr]

If that's the case, then yes, I crossbreed pitbulls and german shepherds to form the ultimate lifeform and annihilate the toddlers.

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

You could have just asked. I didn't put a limit on what you can have.

Also not sure where you were when people were choosing to use planets, stars and black holes. So way more absurd shit has been brought up and thought to be okay.

 

[azontr]

1. I was doing the dishes and listening to spotify.

2. I thought they were joking.

 

[Nullflowerblush]

The toddlers have no wincon.

I could probably take out a hundred toddlers in, like, thirty seconds, go sit down far away from them to recover my energy, and repeat the process.

I shall fight for an eternity!

 

[Pikaman]

The toddlers have no wincon.

I could probably take out a hundred toddlers in, like, thirty seconds, go sit down far away from them to recover my energy, and repeat the process.

I shall fight for an eternity!

~3 Toddlers every second? Pfffft

 

[ZillertheBucko]

If this was based on survival time instead of kill count it’d be a way different story
I’d pay off the child and it would become unbloodlusted instantly and nothing else could spawn to fight me

 

[Gewsbumpz_dude]

nothing else could spawn to fight me

Not sure where you got that from. It isn't said that only one toddler can be in the battlefield at a time.

 

[CardboardSlime]

I'll use...
a phone and a TV and get them to watch whatever popular kids show that they like, getting them distracted.
Then, I'll skedaddle outta here and use the Infinity Gauntlet to make all infinite kids disappear.

 

[Shadyboi0]

Well lets see, if im 6'4" with a size 15 4E, then i should be able to stomp out a bunch, no mtn dew because thats too easy but in base i should stomp out about a couple hundred. maybe 500 if i smack foreheads full force

 

[Pikaman]

I love how we gradually went from melee, to blades, to tanks, to nuclear weapons, and then weaponising cosmic entities, and then back to just fisticuffs

 

[Baken384]

All that when a pitbull's bite force is enough to win the game

 

[Shadyboi0]

All that when a pitbull's bite force is enough to win the game

8-B Pitbulls go crazy