Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Huh, but didn't you say the lower timelines are also gonna be infinite?
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Writing Discussion Thread
- Thread starter The_Wright_Way
- Start date
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Shouldn't that be the opposite? I mean, we're pretty damn good at making fantasy media
Unless we're going by incomprehensible ants-humans relation where the higher dimensions have a completely different way of perceiving everything which allows them to create an even more diverse multiverse
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara
She/Her- 9,828
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y'know what
If the vast majority of your talk about writing boils down to "here's how BIG and POWERFUL the cosmology is", whatever you're writing probably isn't very good. Idk about yall, but I don't give a shit how cool a story's cosmology is if the characters, dialogue, and themes all suck.
If the vast majority of your talk about writing boils down to "here's how BIG and POWERFUL the cosmology is", whatever you're writing probably isn't very good. Idk about yall, but I don't give a shit how cool a story's cosmology is if the characters, dialogue, and themes all suck.
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I agree with this in principle, at least. I don't know if I would've worded it as strongly though. I think any story should, above all else, should serve as a medium through which one expresses a concept or an idea. Focusing on cosmology without a fundamental notion of your message can detract from that, in my experience.
Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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My best writing is well...
The New Order fiction that I wrote from the game without changing a single event.
A terrifying AU timeline game where God have forsaken his own creation due to sheer horror his creations have made and committed.
TNO's lore is so ****** that even Naz* as seen as moderate by the game nation leaders.
Hit*er: HIMMLER! WHY THE **** IS THE SUN BLACK?
Himmler: Just some trolling mein furher.
THERE IS NO HOPE UNDER THE BLACK SUN
The New Order fiction that I wrote from the game without changing a single event.
A terrifying AU timeline game where God have forsaken his own creation due to sheer horror his creations have made and committed.
TNO's lore is so ****** that even Naz* as seen as moderate by the game nation leaders.
Hit*er: HIMMLER! WHY THE **** IS THE SUN BLACK?
Himmler: Just some trolling mein furher.
THERE IS NO HOPE UNDER THE BLACK SUN
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara
She/Her- 9,828
- 12,453
This is true, and I do write the core themes of my own story into the cosmology. I do think there is still a difference between representing a fundamental theme, and just talking about how many timelines there are and which dimensions are higher infinities or whatever. Maybe I'm just cynical, but a lot of this just reads like power scaling bait to me.
Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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And this not even counting of what happen in Asia and Africa (some are even cut by the game devs).
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Based pfp. You're making me want to listen to Joshua Graham read a book of the Bible, ngl
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Nice. I was half expecting Revelation, though, but this is good.
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Something I'm writing (or was) and would like others opinions on it. Feedback would be appreciated
Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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Those are a very good concept for a story.
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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Started working on my story again (the one I posted 2 docs for), and I'm thinking about the Power System I could use for it. It's meant to be in a predominantly Sci-Fi setting so I want it to be somewhat complex/detailed but not so much a reader wouldn't be able to understand it's applications/what it is, so I'm having trouble really brainstorming.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Warhammer 40K has a pretty good way of blending sci-fi into classic fantasy including the magic system. Here's some pages that may come in handy
Immaterium
"The Warp is a strange and terrible place. You might as well throw a traveller into a sea of sharks and tell him to swim home as send him through the Warp unprotected. Better it is not to let common man travel through the stars. Better still, let him not know such a thing is feasible." —Fra...
warhammer40k.fandom.com
Psyker
A psyker is an individual of any intelligent species in the Warhammer 40,000 universe who possesses some degree of psychic ability or powers. Psychic powers are sometimes referred to as "sorcery" when they are gained or enhanced through interaction and bargaining with the malevolent entities who...
warhammer40k.fandom.com
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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My current idea is "akin" to Warhammer's in a way.Warhammer 40K has a pretty good way of blending sci-fi into classic fantasy including the magic system. Here's some pages that may come in handy
Immaterium
"The Warp is a strange and terrible place. You might as well throw a traveller into a sea of sharks and tell him to swim home as send him through the Warp unprotected. Better it is not to let common man travel through the stars. Better still, let him not know such a thing is feasible." —Fra...Psyker
A psyker is an individual of any intelligent species in the Warhammer 40,000 universe who possesses some degree of psychic ability or powers. Psychic powers are sometimes referred to as "sorcery" when they are gained or enhanced through interaction and bargaining with the malevolent entities who...
Basically, there's a realm of "Logic", which contains all the thoughts and ideas of humans within it. Even the most minute of thoughts, no matter how insignificant, actively influence this realm in countless incomprehensible ways. Each human has their own "Logic" (for example, Sally has "Sally Logic" and Billy has "Billy Logic") which defines who they are. Their abilities are influences by their personal "Logic", and the way their thoughts fluctuate influences how their abilities function based on the situation (For example: Jimmy believes that he can produce fire when he's in a state of calm. As such, he can. Whenever he's not calm, as in, angry or sad, his personal "Logic" that he applied to himself fluctuates, and he can no longer produce fire until he returns to a state where he believes he can do it, since he's made himself believe that he can only produce fire when he's calm).
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Hmm, reminds me a lot of the Orks from the verse. Assuming you've seen the memes and the few ork pages of 40K in VSBW, they are capable of causing reality to shift based on what seems plausible. If I recall the best example of this are people pointing guns at an ork at close range and making gunshot noises and the orks thinking they get shot, end up suffering gunshot wounds somehow. It does have limits though, they can't just turn a log into an orbital lazer with belief for example.
The summary of this page should give a decent explanation
I can see a lot of last-minute power-ups arising from this logic
I imagine there's gonna be this character that's super OP but has been gaslit into only being able to activate a portion of their power in extremely specific situation with the climax of the story involving said character realizing this ruse and instantly eliminating all the enemies or something.
Or a government that uses propaganda to convince their civilians to be powerless while the anarchists attempt to stop this and bring power back to the people.
Anyway this seems solid, are there any dangers to using this magic? Because something being really OP can be mitigated by certain crippling weaknesses. Like horrifying entities ruling the realm that may leak into the world when this happens, or this...
Essentially in a place where thoughts and belief are the source of power, there are certain people who would be extremely powerful. Like megalomaniacs and narcissists believing themselves to be better than everyone else would probably be capable of crazy feats. Someone who is insane may be able to cast a variety of very powerful spells due to a variety of reasons such as a different perception of reality, hallucinations, paranoia, etc.
A perception manipulator or illusionist may be able to change how reality looks and their victim's belief makes it possible like make them see scrap as powerful weapons or make a person think they have been depowered by ensuring they don't see their casted ability and its effects. A mind-controller can probably make their victims perform feats they normally can't assuming the controller isn't aware of the usual limitations of their victims.
And lastly, Social Influencing and Memory Manip are probably some of the strongest abilities in the verse for obvious reason
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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The dangers of utilizing one's "Logic" to do things that aren't normally physically possible for them are still present. For example, if you believed that you could access Superhuman strength and actually couldn't, once you're belief wore off, you'd suffer the injuries of utilizing strength far beyond what your body can handle. Another example: You get shot in the chest, but you have an overwhelming belief that you're immortal, as such, you survive the injury. Once that belief wears off, you'd die from the injury unless it was healed before the belief wore off.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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OK, seems coherent enough
What do you think about the ideas I gave on how this power can be manipulated?
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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I'd probably figure out how to apply them in some way, but I've only just begun working on Chapter 3 so we'll see.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Where will you post this once you're done? And will you be sharing updates on your progress?
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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The story? I've already posted chapters 1 and 2 above, but I don't know where else I'll be officially posting it.
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Thought about doing a medieval fantasy story, as cliché as that sounds. Still working out details, but the premise is that it focuses on a pseudo-military guild (they're more along the lines of a government-paid band of mercenaries) that work for a united front of six kingdoms. The main focus will be on a company of seven.
The central protagonist is a newer member that's somewhat bubbly, optimistic, and eager to prove himself. He has overwhelming physical prowess and is capable of evolving and adapting in battle, though his inexperience often results in him taking more damage and suffering more injury than he should. His bubbly and optimistic nature on the surface will also be contrasted by feelings of inferiority and perfectionism to insane proportions, which will manifest as self-deprecation at times, as well as internally scolding himself even for failures that were beyond his control or even feeling like a fraud in spite of his successes.
This central protagonist also has a somewhat friendly rival, one who competes with him to see who can successfully collect the higher number of bounties. This character is much more laid back, but friendly with our central protagonist.
Dang, I've gotta start giving these characters names...
There will also be a member of this particular company that has far more political power than they let on, having the ear of advisors to the six sovereigns. Leveraging this level of influence, they make themselves practically untouchable, in spite of whatever they may do. This will be something that will be discovered by some members of the company, though they still find themselves in a position where it will be nigh-impossible to do anything about it.
Those are just a few things that came to mind.
The central protagonist is a newer member that's somewhat bubbly, optimistic, and eager to prove himself. He has overwhelming physical prowess and is capable of evolving and adapting in battle, though his inexperience often results in him taking more damage and suffering more injury than he should. His bubbly and optimistic nature on the surface will also be contrasted by feelings of inferiority and perfectionism to insane proportions, which will manifest as self-deprecation at times, as well as internally scolding himself even for failures that were beyond his control or even feeling like a fraud in spite of his successes.
This central protagonist also has a somewhat friendly rival, one who competes with him to see who can successfully collect the higher number of bounties. This character is much more laid back, but friendly with our central protagonist.
There will also be a member of this particular company that has far more political power than they let on, having the ear of advisors to the six sovereigns. Leveraging this level of influence, they make themselves practically untouchable, in spite of whatever they may do. This will be something that will be discovered by some members of the company, though they still find themselves in a position where it will be nigh-impossible to do anything about it.
Those are just a few things that came to mind.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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This can be a good explanation to how the heroes can often get away with wanton property destruction after large battles, it's a common trope after all. Making it a plot-relevant element would be pretty cool.
Will said member become an antagonist?
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Yeah. I was kind of thinking they become a kingpin of sorts within the guild, where they can do all sorts of shady dealings, but their ties with the advisors and all prevent any action from being taken against them. It'd be the word of average joe guild members against someone who's close with the sovereigns over the entire guild if they tried to bring anything to the attention of anyone higher ranking.
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Finally decided to write it. I've always wanted to write stuff for a fantasy setting, but I just didn't know where to start. Since it's my first time trying to take a project super seriously, and since I'm writing this while pulling an all-nighter, I'd like some honest criticism once I upload the thingy.
Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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Just go on bro.
Rakih_Elyan
He/Him- 4,408
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Nah, it is very good for a novel. Between 2K-10K is pretty good pacing and writing.
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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Chapter 3
Jin slowly rose to his feet as his eyes opened, his form having not changed from before. He was still in his Spiritual Body, and he still… lacked clothing. He let out a sigh of acute annoyance. At this point, he didn’t really think he had any other emotion to express barring annoyance. “Nothing...
docs.google.com
Here's a portion of C3 of my story, any critiques so far?
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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I wrote a short segment (rewrote) for the first part of chapter 1 of my story, and was wondering if I could get some feedback on how I could improve it:
The boy’s eyes lay wide in a cold, desolate space, smoke and ash consuming his vision like a wildfire. A lack of oxygen within the dust-filled plaza drained him of all life, making him feel unbearably cold… As if he was trapped under a pile of snow that he couldn’t dig himself out of, acting more akin to a prison than any actual home.
The boy made an attempt to dig himself out, but his efforts were met with an unsurprising failure. The land itself was draining him of life, like a tumor slowly killing its host, pinning him lifelessly to the ground as he squirmed for survival..
He felt as if the land itself was taking joy in his suffering, the more he tried to squirm to safety. That had to be it, as with each attempt he made to escape, each and every desperate struggle was met with overwhelming…
…failure.
As if the Country itself was a living Cancer that took absolute ecstasy… from torturing its inhabitants. And this place… was his world.
The boy made an attempt to dig himself out, but his efforts were met with an unsurprising failure. The land itself was draining him of life, like a tumor slowly killing its host, pinning him lifelessly to the ground as he squirmed for survival..
He felt as if the land itself was taking joy in his suffering, the more he tried to squirm to safety. That had to be it, as with each attempt he made to escape, each and every desperate struggle was met with overwhelming…
…failure.
As if the Country itself was a living Cancer that took absolute ecstasy… from torturing its inhabitants. And this place… was his world.
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It is my personal opinion on the matter, but try and use a different synonym for 'the boy' on the second line, where it says 'the boy made an attempt'. Maybe change it to something like 'the child'. I find it a bit annoying when an identifier is repeated constantly. Also, try and read it out loud to see how it sounds.
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I agree with what Council has said previously, though I think that advice could extend the entire excerpt. In general, the most glaring flaw I see in your writing is repetition. For instance, you use the phrase "he couldn’t dig himself out of" as part of a simile at the end of the first section, but you then use the same phrase in a literal sense in the very next sentence.
You also have a tendency to use similes where metaphors or direct/literal imagery would suffice:
-"As if he was trapped under a pile of snow"
-"like a tumor slowly killing its host"
-"as if the land itself was taking joy in his suffering"
-"As if the Country itself was a living Cancer"
The second and fourth examples I listed in particular could be linked together into an extended metaphor. What you're doing currently is likening the "land" to a cancer twice without elaborating much into why that is the case. Similes are helpful for aligning unfamiliar concepts with familiar ones (thus making it easier for the audience to understand the story), but I think you're relying too much on these connections to real-life concepts instead of directly explaining what the "land" does and how/why it drains the energy of "the boy".
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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Valid. I'm very prone to repeating phrases instead of coming up with new things since it's easier to use the same phrase in a different way than to come up with an entirely different way to say it.
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This is just advice in general when trying to describe a scene or the environment, but try to place yourself into the scene or wherever. Note everything around you and how it would feel or look like to you. I found this technique extremely useful when it comes to my writing.
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Bro has no life and comments every minute on this site, holy
azontr
He/Him- 40,580
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