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Writing Discussion Thread
- Thread starter The_Wright_Way
- Start date
- 5,582
- 328
Thanks, I guess? You’re replying to who btw?
Edit: Ah, you read the last part of the summary and thought it’s what I thought of the story lol? Nah, I mean that the two main protag would fail in keeping themselves low-profile
- 12,304
- 11,259
Oooohhh, that was a part of the description of the story. My bad, I completely misread that!
- 11,576
- 10,864
LOL
- 5,582
- 328
I have read enough doujin to know what happen, if I don't clarify that shit.
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I'm now writing a semi-lewd story about a guy with small explosion powers getting mistaken for a pervert and his life threatened before he explodes famous superhero FMC's brain and puts her in a state of hyperarousal to the point she loses her powers temporarily and gets semi-addicted to having her brain blasted.
Having said that, it's a pretty wholesome lewd shounen-type story.
Having said that, it's a pretty wholesome lewd shounen-type story.
- 42,773
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Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara
She/Her- 9,828
- 12,453
Is this a place to just talk about general writing ideas/worldbuilding? Would I be able to share something like a magic system here?
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go ahead
Mad_Dog_of_Fujiwara
She/Her- 9,828
- 12,453
Cool. Anyways, the setting I'm writing has a magic system split into 5 schools. Rather than limiting what spells one can and can't cast, they act more as means through which magic is achieved. Any spell is theoretically possible under any school, but depending on which specific spell and school, it can either be something a novice could learn or something only an experience archmage would be able to use. I only have two schools written up, which are below. I tried writing them in a style similar to what one would find in an old D&D handbook or something similar, since that used to be a big inspiration for a lot of my writing growing up.
Esotericism: An oddity among the schools, Esotericism focuses on the mental perceptions, knowledge, and biases of the target, essentially allowing one to target specific weaknesses with virtually no preparation or research. Esotericists take belief and make it reality, or take truth and turn it on its head; If one believes the weather to be cold, an Esotericist can merely will it to be warmer. One who sees a small animal and deems it harmless may soon find themselves against a monster of unimaginable strength the moment an Esotericist reverses their perceptions. Esotericists who place less value on morals and ethics may instead target one’s fears, summoning spiders to combat arachnophobes or filling the lungs of hydrophobes with water. On the other side of this spectrum are Esotericists who inspire their comrades through words, subsequently turning their outrageous compliments into reality. A warrior who believes himself to be invincible and stronger than a giant is a true force of nature when paired with a skilled Esotericist. However, due to the mental nature of their abilities, Esotercists are woefully inadequate when put against foes with strong mental protections, or no mind to affect at all. Their efficacy is also somewhat reliant on the number of sentient beings they have access to. An Esotericist in a metropolis has a near-infinite canvas upon which to weave their spells, while one in a forest may find their abilities lacking due to the less complex mental nature of the living beings there. Due to this, one of the first things an Esotericist learns is how to read and understand their own perceptions on a deeper level, allowing them at least some degree of control over their surroundings even in the most dire circumstances. Some Esotericists mentally charm or enslave other people, forcing them to think whatever the caster wants, allowing for a far broader array of potential spells at their disposal. Due to the morally dubious nature of such practices, however, such Esotericists quickly find themselves exiled from many spellcaster academies and isolated from their peers.
Evocation: Evokers often have the distinction of being considered the most ‘simple’ among spellcasters, but this is far from the case. In truth, Evocation requires deep knowledge of nearly every aspect of one’s surroundings; The hardness of a rock, the tensile strength of a building, the weight of the leaves falling from the trees. To an Evoker, these are all potential origins of world-altering magic. Evocation, put simply, does not deal with abstract concepts or the like; Rather, it directly manipulates the matter and energy present within all things. By altering the heat of the molecules in the air, they can generate massive fireballs or freeze the very air around them. By manipulating the energy within a projectile, they can make an arrow hit like a comet or a ballista bolt hit like a beach ball. While the effects created are simple and straightforward, they are undeniably powerful, as conventional magic resistances or warding may be ineffective; After all, a rock that has been accelerated to near light-speed by an Evoker is still just a rock. However, as Evokers deal with the physical world, things such as mind control, summoning and binding Planar beings, or seeing into the future are not easily replicable, often requiring dabbling into other schools. Arch-Evokers have learned to bypass these shortcomings, altering the more fundamental kinds of energy that permeate reality, allowing them to shape reality to their whim without the limitations of their less skilled brethren.
There's also abjuration (a reactive school which focuses on adapting to and countering pre-existing magic), necromancy (manipulation of life and death), and conjuration (summoning things from other planes of existence).
The explanation for magic in the setting is also something I've put a lot of thought into. At the beginning of creation, the single god that existed before all else (who I'm currently referring to as Ae) maimed itself, letting its blood and organs flow into a single universe in the entirety of the multiverse, creating what would essentially become the 'anchor' to all other points in reality (the main setting). Ae's veins became what the denizens of this universe know as the gods. Each one is representative of a concept that was once a part of Ae, its veins the strings which puppeteer the gods to act in accordance to the concepts they are bound to. If a god steps out of these parameters, the veins will be severed, and their very existence will be forfeit, as the veins will attach themselves to a new host better suited for enforcing what each vein stands for. The gods one worships are not chosen by oneself. Rather, through the workings of fate, one will invariably find themselves worshipping a god that reflects their truest self. If the 'true self' of a person changes, whether it be through deep self-reflection or in rare cases, mind altering magic, they will inevitably find a new god better suiting that disposition. Spellcasters are capable of taking this connection to the gods one step further, briefly binding themselves to the veins of Ae to channel those concepts through their very body to produce relevant effects. Because the gods one is connected to are unknowingly determined by their true self, and the gods embody the myriad veins of Ae, this is why magic is so varied, even when using the same spell; A fire spell cast by a deeply depressed mage obsessed with death would likely be bound to a god of melancholy and burial rites (specifically cremation), and by extension bound to the veins that represent those concepts. Conversely, a proud and noble spellsword would more likely be bound to a god of battle and honor.
TL;DR: The veins of a dying god puppeteer all other gods, and when you use magic you're basically turning yourself into a puppet as well for a brief moment.
Esotericism: An oddity among the schools, Esotericism focuses on the mental perceptions, knowledge, and biases of the target, essentially allowing one to target specific weaknesses with virtually no preparation or research. Esotericists take belief and make it reality, or take truth and turn it on its head; If one believes the weather to be cold, an Esotericist can merely will it to be warmer. One who sees a small animal and deems it harmless may soon find themselves against a monster of unimaginable strength the moment an Esotericist reverses their perceptions. Esotericists who place less value on morals and ethics may instead target one’s fears, summoning spiders to combat arachnophobes or filling the lungs of hydrophobes with water. On the other side of this spectrum are Esotericists who inspire their comrades through words, subsequently turning their outrageous compliments into reality. A warrior who believes himself to be invincible and stronger than a giant is a true force of nature when paired with a skilled Esotericist. However, due to the mental nature of their abilities, Esotercists are woefully inadequate when put against foes with strong mental protections, or no mind to affect at all. Their efficacy is also somewhat reliant on the number of sentient beings they have access to. An Esotericist in a metropolis has a near-infinite canvas upon which to weave their spells, while one in a forest may find their abilities lacking due to the less complex mental nature of the living beings there. Due to this, one of the first things an Esotericist learns is how to read and understand their own perceptions on a deeper level, allowing them at least some degree of control over their surroundings even in the most dire circumstances. Some Esotericists mentally charm or enslave other people, forcing them to think whatever the caster wants, allowing for a far broader array of potential spells at their disposal. Due to the morally dubious nature of such practices, however, such Esotericists quickly find themselves exiled from many spellcaster academies and isolated from their peers.
Evocation: Evokers often have the distinction of being considered the most ‘simple’ among spellcasters, but this is far from the case. In truth, Evocation requires deep knowledge of nearly every aspect of one’s surroundings; The hardness of a rock, the tensile strength of a building, the weight of the leaves falling from the trees. To an Evoker, these are all potential origins of world-altering magic. Evocation, put simply, does not deal with abstract concepts or the like; Rather, it directly manipulates the matter and energy present within all things. By altering the heat of the molecules in the air, they can generate massive fireballs or freeze the very air around them. By manipulating the energy within a projectile, they can make an arrow hit like a comet or a ballista bolt hit like a beach ball. While the effects created are simple and straightforward, they are undeniably powerful, as conventional magic resistances or warding may be ineffective; After all, a rock that has been accelerated to near light-speed by an Evoker is still just a rock. However, as Evokers deal with the physical world, things such as mind control, summoning and binding Planar beings, or seeing into the future are not easily replicable, often requiring dabbling into other schools. Arch-Evokers have learned to bypass these shortcomings, altering the more fundamental kinds of energy that permeate reality, allowing them to shape reality to their whim without the limitations of their less skilled brethren.
There's also abjuration (a reactive school which focuses on adapting to and countering pre-existing magic), necromancy (manipulation of life and death), and conjuration (summoning things from other planes of existence).
The explanation for magic in the setting is also something I've put a lot of thought into. At the beginning of creation, the single god that existed before all else (who I'm currently referring to as Ae) maimed itself, letting its blood and organs flow into a single universe in the entirety of the multiverse, creating what would essentially become the 'anchor' to all other points in reality (the main setting). Ae's veins became what the denizens of this universe know as the gods. Each one is representative of a concept that was once a part of Ae, its veins the strings which puppeteer the gods to act in accordance to the concepts they are bound to. If a god steps out of these parameters, the veins will be severed, and their very existence will be forfeit, as the veins will attach themselves to a new host better suited for enforcing what each vein stands for. The gods one worships are not chosen by oneself. Rather, through the workings of fate, one will invariably find themselves worshipping a god that reflects their truest self. If the 'true self' of a person changes, whether it be through deep self-reflection or in rare cases, mind altering magic, they will inevitably find a new god better suiting that disposition. Spellcasters are capable of taking this connection to the gods one step further, briefly binding themselves to the veins of Ae to channel those concepts through their very body to produce relevant effects. Because the gods one is connected to are unknowingly determined by their true self, and the gods embody the myriad veins of Ae, this is why magic is so varied, even when using the same spell; A fire spell cast by a deeply depressed mage obsessed with death would likely be bound to a god of melancholy and burial rites (specifically cremation), and by extension bound to the veins that represent those concepts. Conversely, a proud and noble spellsword would more likely be bound to a god of battle and honor.
TL;DR: The veins of a dying god puppeteer all other gods, and when you use magic you're basically turning yourself into a puppet as well for a brief moment.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
- 7,455
Do people still use this thread? Because if so, I would like to promote one of my threads here
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The year 2019 marked the end of the human race in all of its glory. It happened over the course of a few hours. “It’s happening all over the world! I’m afraid this is the end.” News casters announced the end of the world as natural disasters pelted everything. Tsunami’s which engulf entire islands, every volcano erupting at once, earthquakes, tornados, and hurricanes destroying everything.
It was truly the apocalypse, not a single human had been safe from the destruction. However, miraculously enough, every single species other than humans managed to survive this ‘End Of the World” Apocalypse. It took no more than a few decades before the earth had been restored and reborn in full. Looking down at the rebuilt earth from a place which is completely unreachable by anything physical, a gigantic figure speaks. “The earth has been restored, as I have prophesied.”
As the figure waves its hand, the lost souls which were killed by the disaster are drawn into its palm. The souls then mish and mash together, eventually becoming one single soul. The newly created meek and scared soul looks up at its creator. It cannot make out it’s creator’s face, nor the exact shape of its gigantic figure...Only that it is vaguely human shaped. The figure then speaks down at the now lone soul. “You’ve caused a lot of trouble lately. Your sins cannot go unpunished, Human.”
The soul shaked and released a wet spiritual substance which seemed to resemble tears. “You’re to be banished to another realm which I manage. Where every other abomination is settled. The Nether World. You shall be the only of your species, for this reason, I have fused all of you into one. You shall suffer loneliness, ineptitude, and helplessness in the next life.” The soul wanted to speak up and plead its case to it’s creator, but how could it? It was merely a soul not even possessing a body, let alone a voice. “Now begone.”
And with the sound of its creator's voice, everything went black…
“Are you okay?”
As the soul’s consciousness slipped into existence, it could hear a strange voice which seemed to be coming from above. It’s eyes opened slowly, but they couldn’t manage to focus on anything for what seemed like a long time. “..Ugh..”
As its eyes had finally managed to focus, it saw something which resembled the face of a human right above it. Thick orange hair covering it’s head with cat ears, it has a distinctly human-like appearance, despite having an additional appendage in the form of a furry tail and its facial features being dissimilar from any ethnic group the soul was aware of.
It has clothes hiding it’s sexual organs, and it’s standing on two legs, so the soul could decipher that it’s intelligence is probably similar to the humans which existed in its old world. “Ahh!”
“-Ahh!”
The soul screams after it gazes upon the strange creature for a bit, which causes the creature to also scream. The creature hides behind a tree, and peaks out at the soul while shaking.“...?” After seeing the creature’s reaction, the soul believes that the creature is likely not a threat and breathes a sigh of relief. The soul then looks down at its own hands to see that it now, once again, resides within a human body. It is no longer a mere shivering soul. “...Who are y-you...?” The soul asks, surprised at the sound of its own voice which was a strange but perfect mixture of man and woman, in reference to its tone.
“Uh...my name is R-Rhubey..” The soul listened to the creature’s tone which, upon further listening, sounded like the voice of a young girl. [Rhu-, as in Rude. Bey, as in Bee. I see.] The soul thought to itself. “Wha-...What’s your name?” The feminine creature asks, expecting an immediate answer. However, the soul pauses at that question, and becomes lost in thought. [My..name…] It didn’t know what to say. In truth, it had very many names. A lot of which it didn’t even remember. After thinking for a few more seconds, the soul decides on a name to call itself in its new body, in this new world. It would call itself a gender neutral name of one of its favorite birds. “My name is Robin.”
The girl comes out from behind the tree and seems to have relaxed a bit ...but her relaxed expression quickly returns to its previous state as Robin stands up, and Rhubey’s eyes travel down ‘his’ body. “Gah!! You’re a man!?” As Robin looks down at his body, he quickly covers his chest and pelvic region with two different hands. He sees two grapefruit sized ‘melons’ sticking out from his chest, all the while touching a soft external organ in his pelvic region. [I see…] It wasn’t hard for him to figure out that he had been reborn with both male and female reproductive organs. Half of his soul was female, after all. After he explained his situation a bit, Rhubey gives him a large cloth to cover himself. Rhubey then takes Robin through the forest, to her home where a lot of other individuals with animal appendages similar to Rhubey are stationed.
“W-Welcome to my village Robin!” After Rhubey says such, Robin closely observes the village. It’s a place in the middle of the forest, and made up of small wooden huts. There appears to be around 100 or so villagers, many of which being teenagers and small children, who all come out to greet Robin with smiles.
“Wow, you’re so weird looking!”
“Yeah, yeah!” As Robin looks around, he notices that there doesn’t seem to be a single adult in the village. Only children and teenagers like Rhubey, who looked like a 14 or 15 year old girl. Robin spends most of the day talking with the children; who give him food, water, and shelter at the end of the day. He lays his head on a bed made of hay as he thinks about the day he’s had. [There’s only kids here...why is that? What happened to all of the adults?] Robin didn’t bother to ask such a question directly, as he had a feeling that there was probably a bad situation behind it.
Instead of going to sleep, Robin spent the entire time wondering about his situation. He could vaguely remember his conversation with ‘that being’, his creator who stood above him in every way. Although he was aware of his soul being made up of 7.7 billion souls, he didn’t remember much from the lives that the souls which make up his own lived. There was only one thing which he could clearly remember, and that was the agony and sorrow that they felt in their final moments. A feeling which Robin had fully inherited from the souls. It truly terrified him, the power of that being, the ‘God’ that a good portion of the souls which make up his existence prayed to every day. The feeling of betrayal that those souls felt... He also thought about that god’s final words before sending him off. [‘The Nether World’...huh…]
When he first heard the phrase, he had thought that it would be similar to the idea of ‘hell’, a place where he would suffer eternal damnation in hellfire at the hands of evil demons far more terrible than any human could imagine. However, that didn’t seem to be the case so far.
The village of children seemed to be well kept by them, at the very least. The teenagers were good at hunting and gathering nuts and berries, so they weren’t particularly worried about starving. The place didn’t seem too bad considering the situation...but… [There’s something deeper behind this place.] Just as he thinks as such, he hears birds chirping, and realizes that it is already sunrize.
By the time Robin had gotten up and out of bed, the sun was already well into the sky on a fairly warm day. He hears a loud rumbling noise coming from the center of the village where he had been taken to yesterday. He quickly jogs over and nimbly hides behind a hut to listen in on what was happening.
“We want it now, understand?”
“Y-Yes..”
Robin looked over to see three figures. Muscle bound men with green skin, which was covered in warts and acne. They all stand well over 3 meters tall. He looked down to see the people who they were talking to. Rhubey; and three other teenagers who had introduced themselves yesterday as Nupinu, Kuroki, and Gergo. All three of them held their heads down as the leader of the three large creatures spoke.
“You know what happens when you disobey us, right?” The large green man wraps his hand around Rhubey’s entire head. “Y-Yes mister Oogak…” Rhubey responds with a shaking voice, as Robin looks at the situation with an expression filled with anger. Without thinking, Robin jumps out from behind the hut where he had been hiding and steps out right behind Rhubey and her friends. “...Who are you?” Oogak asks while releasing his hand from Rhubey’s head. As Rhubey turns around to see Robin, her face is filled with horror which strikes down to her very core. “My name is Robin.”, “...What are you?” Oogak looked at Robin curiously with a serious expression. “...I am, a vampire.”, “Gah!?”
At Robin’s words, everyone collectively held their breath. A vampire!?
Robin didn’t know this at the time, but in this world vampires are less similar to creepy monsters of the night who feast and secret and more akin to walking natural disasters who harshly feats upon and enslave every race they come across. Although they are solitary creatures, a single vampire has enough power to wipe out entire villages. A terrifying existence which cannot be reasoned with, that’s how they’re viewed in this world.
The three Ogres noticeably began to shake in terror just from hearing the word. One of them even took several steps back before stumbling off of their feet on reflex.
“Gah, dammit! ****! We’re leaving for now, but we’ll be back in three days!” The three green men hurriedly rushed off from the village in a terrified frenzy, leaving it in a state of shock. “R-Robin, are you really a vampire?” Rhubey asks Robin. “No, I lied.”
“Nuh- Why’d you do that!?” Rhubey bites her tongue while trying to release a quick comment, but quickly recovers. “I didn’t like how he treated you guys.”
“If Ogres and people like you exist here, I figured that vampires are also a thing in this place, and if they’re anything like the legends I know, Ogres would naturally be afraid of them.” As Robin looks over to Rhubey, he can see that she’s visibly shaking. “B-But...now they’ll come back with a force strong enough to take on a vampire.”, “You’re right.” Robin smiles. “Now, you just have to defeat them in battle.”
“Defeat…” It was official in Rhubey’s head. Robin is insane. Even though there were more villagers here than there were Ogres, the natural strength and toughness of an Ogre made it impossible to defeat them in battle, especially with a force made up of only children.
Robin puts his hand on Rhubey’s shoulder and somehow, as she looks at his confident expression, her shaking stops. “Listen Rhubey, more than anything, war is about outsmarting your enemy and advancing ahead of them to the next stage.”
Robin says before yelling out to the other children who are shaking, scared and crying. “I will teach all of you about the art of war!” Robin says with a thunderous voice as he stomps on the ground beneath him.
This tale is a story of humanity itself living on in a new world after being annihilated by god. The most awful, most terrible abomination ever given life. The human.
It was truly the apocalypse, not a single human had been safe from the destruction. However, miraculously enough, every single species other than humans managed to survive this ‘End Of the World” Apocalypse. It took no more than a few decades before the earth had been restored and reborn in full. Looking down at the rebuilt earth from a place which is completely unreachable by anything physical, a gigantic figure speaks. “The earth has been restored, as I have prophesied.”
As the figure waves its hand, the lost souls which were killed by the disaster are drawn into its palm. The souls then mish and mash together, eventually becoming one single soul. The newly created meek and scared soul looks up at its creator. It cannot make out it’s creator’s face, nor the exact shape of its gigantic figure...Only that it is vaguely human shaped. The figure then speaks down at the now lone soul. “You’ve caused a lot of trouble lately. Your sins cannot go unpunished, Human.”
The soul shaked and released a wet spiritual substance which seemed to resemble tears. “You’re to be banished to another realm which I manage. Where every other abomination is settled. The Nether World. You shall be the only of your species, for this reason, I have fused all of you into one. You shall suffer loneliness, ineptitude, and helplessness in the next life.” The soul wanted to speak up and plead its case to it’s creator, but how could it? It was merely a soul not even possessing a body, let alone a voice. “Now begone.”
And with the sound of its creator's voice, everything went black…
“Are you okay?”
As the soul’s consciousness slipped into existence, it could hear a strange voice which seemed to be coming from above. It’s eyes opened slowly, but they couldn’t manage to focus on anything for what seemed like a long time. “..Ugh..”
As its eyes had finally managed to focus, it saw something which resembled the face of a human right above it. Thick orange hair covering it’s head with cat ears, it has a distinctly human-like appearance, despite having an additional appendage in the form of a furry tail and its facial features being dissimilar from any ethnic group the soul was aware of.
It has clothes hiding it’s sexual organs, and it’s standing on two legs, so the soul could decipher that it’s intelligence is probably similar to the humans which existed in its old world. “Ahh!”
“-Ahh!”
The soul screams after it gazes upon the strange creature for a bit, which causes the creature to also scream. The creature hides behind a tree, and peaks out at the soul while shaking.“...?” After seeing the creature’s reaction, the soul believes that the creature is likely not a threat and breathes a sigh of relief. The soul then looks down at its own hands to see that it now, once again, resides within a human body. It is no longer a mere shivering soul. “...Who are y-you...?” The soul asks, surprised at the sound of its own voice which was a strange but perfect mixture of man and woman, in reference to its tone.
“Uh...my name is R-Rhubey..” The soul listened to the creature’s tone which, upon further listening, sounded like the voice of a young girl. [Rhu-, as in Rude. Bey, as in Bee. I see.] The soul thought to itself. “Wha-...What’s your name?” The feminine creature asks, expecting an immediate answer. However, the soul pauses at that question, and becomes lost in thought. [My..name…] It didn’t know what to say. In truth, it had very many names. A lot of which it didn’t even remember. After thinking for a few more seconds, the soul decides on a name to call itself in its new body, in this new world. It would call itself a gender neutral name of one of its favorite birds. “My name is Robin.”
The girl comes out from behind the tree and seems to have relaxed a bit ...but her relaxed expression quickly returns to its previous state as Robin stands up, and Rhubey’s eyes travel down ‘his’ body. “Gah!! You’re a man!?” As Robin looks down at his body, he quickly covers his chest and pelvic region with two different hands. He sees two grapefruit sized ‘melons’ sticking out from his chest, all the while touching a soft external organ in his pelvic region. [I see…] It wasn’t hard for him to figure out that he had been reborn with both male and female reproductive organs. Half of his soul was female, after all. After he explained his situation a bit, Rhubey gives him a large cloth to cover himself. Rhubey then takes Robin through the forest, to her home where a lot of other individuals with animal appendages similar to Rhubey are stationed.
“W-Welcome to my village Robin!” After Rhubey says such, Robin closely observes the village. It’s a place in the middle of the forest, and made up of small wooden huts. There appears to be around 100 or so villagers, many of which being teenagers and small children, who all come out to greet Robin with smiles.
“Wow, you’re so weird looking!”
“Yeah, yeah!” As Robin looks around, he notices that there doesn’t seem to be a single adult in the village. Only children and teenagers like Rhubey, who looked like a 14 or 15 year old girl. Robin spends most of the day talking with the children; who give him food, water, and shelter at the end of the day. He lays his head on a bed made of hay as he thinks about the day he’s had. [There’s only kids here...why is that? What happened to all of the adults?] Robin didn’t bother to ask such a question directly, as he had a feeling that there was probably a bad situation behind it.
Instead of going to sleep, Robin spent the entire time wondering about his situation. He could vaguely remember his conversation with ‘that being’, his creator who stood above him in every way. Although he was aware of his soul being made up of 7.7 billion souls, he didn’t remember much from the lives that the souls which make up his own lived. There was only one thing which he could clearly remember, and that was the agony and sorrow that they felt in their final moments. A feeling which Robin had fully inherited from the souls. It truly terrified him, the power of that being, the ‘God’ that a good portion of the souls which make up his existence prayed to every day. The feeling of betrayal that those souls felt... He also thought about that god’s final words before sending him off. [‘The Nether World’...huh…]
When he first heard the phrase, he had thought that it would be similar to the idea of ‘hell’, a place where he would suffer eternal damnation in hellfire at the hands of evil demons far more terrible than any human could imagine. However, that didn’t seem to be the case so far.
The village of children seemed to be well kept by them, at the very least. The teenagers were good at hunting and gathering nuts and berries, so they weren’t particularly worried about starving. The place didn’t seem too bad considering the situation...but… [There’s something deeper behind this place.] Just as he thinks as such, he hears birds chirping, and realizes that it is already sunrize.
By the time Robin had gotten up and out of bed, the sun was already well into the sky on a fairly warm day. He hears a loud rumbling noise coming from the center of the village where he had been taken to yesterday. He quickly jogs over and nimbly hides behind a hut to listen in on what was happening.
“We want it now, understand?”
“Y-Yes..”
Robin looked over to see three figures. Muscle bound men with green skin, which was covered in warts and acne. They all stand well over 3 meters tall. He looked down to see the people who they were talking to. Rhubey; and three other teenagers who had introduced themselves yesterday as Nupinu, Kuroki, and Gergo. All three of them held their heads down as the leader of the three large creatures spoke.
“You know what happens when you disobey us, right?” The large green man wraps his hand around Rhubey’s entire head. “Y-Yes mister Oogak…” Rhubey responds with a shaking voice, as Robin looks at the situation with an expression filled with anger. Without thinking, Robin jumps out from behind the hut where he had been hiding and steps out right behind Rhubey and her friends. “...Who are you?” Oogak asks while releasing his hand from Rhubey’s head. As Rhubey turns around to see Robin, her face is filled with horror which strikes down to her very core. “My name is Robin.”, “...What are you?” Oogak looked at Robin curiously with a serious expression. “...I am, a vampire.”, “Gah!?”
At Robin’s words, everyone collectively held their breath. A vampire!?
Robin didn’t know this at the time, but in this world vampires are less similar to creepy monsters of the night who feast and secret and more akin to walking natural disasters who harshly feats upon and enslave every race they come across. Although they are solitary creatures, a single vampire has enough power to wipe out entire villages. A terrifying existence which cannot be reasoned with, that’s how they’re viewed in this world.
The three Ogres noticeably began to shake in terror just from hearing the word. One of them even took several steps back before stumbling off of their feet on reflex.
“Gah, dammit! ****! We’re leaving for now, but we’ll be back in three days!” The three green men hurriedly rushed off from the village in a terrified frenzy, leaving it in a state of shock. “R-Robin, are you really a vampire?” Rhubey asks Robin. “No, I lied.”
“Nuh- Why’d you do that!?” Rhubey bites her tongue while trying to release a quick comment, but quickly recovers. “I didn’t like how he treated you guys.”
“If Ogres and people like you exist here, I figured that vampires are also a thing in this place, and if they’re anything like the legends I know, Ogres would naturally be afraid of them.” As Robin looks over to Rhubey, he can see that she’s visibly shaking. “B-But...now they’ll come back with a force strong enough to take on a vampire.”, “You’re right.” Robin smiles. “Now, you just have to defeat them in battle.”
“Defeat…” It was official in Rhubey’s head. Robin is insane. Even though there were more villagers here than there were Ogres, the natural strength and toughness of an Ogre made it impossible to defeat them in battle, especially with a force made up of only children.
Robin puts his hand on Rhubey’s shoulder and somehow, as she looks at his confident expression, her shaking stops. “Listen Rhubey, more than anything, war is about outsmarting your enemy and advancing ahead of them to the next stage.”
Robin says before yelling out to the other children who are shaking, scared and crying. “I will teach all of you about the art of war!” Robin says with a thunderous voice as he stomps on the ground beneath him.
This tale is a story of humanity itself living on in a new world after being annihilated by god. The most awful, most terrible abomination ever given life. The human.
Edit: Wrote this in 2019
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Peppersalt43
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Try using google translate on some words
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traiboloids living in the carabasa continent
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My friend just combines two english words into one and calls it a day.
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I posted this after I was done with coming up a good name for the race, but then I for whatever reason decided to google their name just to make sure I didn't somehow subconsciously plagiarize a race from an existing work, aaaaand found out there's an actual real world ethnicity named that.
I'm throwing myself against a window made of reinforced glass.
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Take characteristics of the race, and mash alternate languages together to create one. Random suggestion: Japanese romaji and Turkish.
Coolboy6
He/Him- 7,436
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Here’s a little story I wrote
Thoughts?
One day, there was a young boy exploring the forest. It was snowing and it was dark out with a few animals around. The boy kept walking until he found a young girl sitting on a log near a frozen lake. She was looking down at the ground with tears rolling down her face as if she was crying, and the boy wanted to help her feel better somehow even if he was unsure on how to do so. “Umm, hi”. The boy said nervously as he walked up to her. The girl noticed and was quite shy at the sight of him, so she instinctively ran away. The boy was a bit taken aback by this sudden action, but he knew he had to help somehow. He found a few sticks and pieces of wood nearby, so he used them to make a little campfire on the other side of the log. The girl took notice of this from afar and walked closer but still hiding. The boy noticed when he heard something from behind and noticed her, so he decided to investigate. He was a little shocked to find the girl that he tried to talk to before. The girl was looking away nervously while shivering until the boy said with his hand reaching out, “You don’t need to hide in the cold anymore” with a trusting smile. The girl was hesitant at first to trust him, but then she grabbed his hand as he led her to where she was sitting before but away from the frozen lake and at the campfire. The boy asked her, “so, why were you crying before?” The girl rolled up her sleeve to reveal the cuts she had on her forearm. The boy was shocked to see this and he asked, “oh, did someone hurt you?” The girl responded shyly, “me.” as a single teardrop rolled down her face. The boy was a little surprised, but he understood what she was trying to say, but he was unsure of what to do at first. Eventually, he decided to give her a hug as if he knew her for a long time. “You’ve been fighting a hard battle, and now it’s time for you to rest.” The boy said as she hugged him back. The girl had a warm feeling in her heart as she kissed him on the cheek. The boy was taken aback by this and didn’t know how to respond to this sudden action. He looked down for a bit and blushed until he responded, “I love you too”. They then kissed again, but this time it was on the lips as the clouds start to move away, revealing the moonlight shining on them from above.
The end
The end
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Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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For starters, paragraph spacing
Anyway...
Can be fused to
"On a dark and a snowy day, a young boy went off to explore the forest, only finding a few animals around"
For less clutter and sentences
Dialogue can be used to start a new paragraph. For example
One day, there was a young boy exploring the forest. It was snowing and it was dark out with a few animals around. The boy kept walking until he found a young girl sitting on a log near a frozen lake. She was looking down at the ground with tears rolling down her face as if she was crying, and the boy wanted to help her feel better somehow even if he was unsure on how to do so.
“Umm, hi”. The boy said nervously as he walked up to her. The girl no...
Try not to start multiple sentences in a row with the same noun. I usually remedy this by just having a nickname for the character I'm writing but assuming you're not planning on naming them, I'll give a fix.
The girl noticed and was quite shy at the sight of him, so she instinctively ran away, the boy a bit taken aback by this sudden action, but he knew he had to help somehow. Finding a few sticks and pieces of wood nearby, he used them to make a little campfire on the other side of the log. The girl took notice of this from afar and walked closer but still hiding though despite this, the boy still noticed when he heard something from behind, prompting him to investigate.
I'll admit, this is a good way to incorporate dialogue into a sentence. Much better than what I usually do.
The only problem is deciding where to start the next paragraph. I think I know what can be changed for that
Like this
...en lake and at the campfire.
"So, why were you crying before?” the boy asked, the girl rolling up her sleeve as a response, revealing the cuts on her forearm.
Continuing on with the noun problem. I think we can avoid it by just skipping the boy's dialogue
In shock, the boy asked if someone hurt her though unexpectedly, she responded shyly, “me.” as a single teardrop rolling down her face.
I don't think that's how you deal with self harm cases. In fact it's kinda creepy, they literally just met (I assume that as neither refer to each other by name) and the girl is in a vulnerable state. He doesn't know what she went through and he's basically a stranger to her yet after one interaction, they end up kissing already?
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I guess it shouldn't hurt to toss a question every once in a while. How much downtime is too much downtime? Like sure it's a casual thing by all means, but is there generally some kind of accepted limit on how much a character is expected to mostly just talk without much else happening?
I work in a typical action series format; the down and easy, the setup or whatever appropriate, the buildup, the climax, the falling action, that sorta stuff. It covers like 3 chapters so far but when I look at them, the longest only breaks 2000 words with an average of 1500 by my assumption.
I don't need answers, really, I usually figure it out somehow in the end. I just wanted to somehow redirect the pipes of writer's block somewhere else for a change.
I work in a typical action series format; the down and easy, the setup or whatever appropriate, the buildup, the climax, the falling action, that sorta stuff. It covers like 3 chapters so far but when I look at them, the longest only breaks 2000 words with an average of 1500 by my assumption.
I don't need answers, really, I usually figure it out somehow in the end. I just wanted to somehow redirect the pipes of writer's block somewhere else for a change.
Coolboy6
He/Him- 7,436
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Well, I was kind of thinking that the girl had a so much emotional trauma in her life that she falls in love with anyone that shows her even the slightest amount of affection or care
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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I mean, I wouldn't have that much of a problem if it's mostly on the girl's side and the boy slowly responds to it after some less dubious interactions. Maybe learning more about the girl, interact with her on different activities, you know, just start as friends or something and allow both him and the reader to learn more about her than just her trauma.
Problem is, the boy immediately responds with “I love you too” after her kiss. This is not responsible and can be seen as the boy taking advantage of a vulnerable person
Or you can just give them names and imply that they've been friends for a while. That's an easier route
Coolboy6
He/Him- 7,436
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They’re young and don’t really know much about love and such. I feel like that should come into play when I decide to make a sequel to this
I might actually give them names in the next one. I’m thinking that the boy is named Marko, and the girl is named Anna
Peppersalt43
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Good luck on your later stuff then. You're gonna post it here?
Coolboy6
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I’ll create it on a google doc and copy/paste it onto the post. I am going back into school this week so it might take a while for me to write it and such
Coolboy6
He/Him- 7,436
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Anyways, here’s a little goofy short I wrote in the meantime
One totally not strange day, there was a dude walking around the small town. “Ah yes, this is a nice quiet day for me today, there’s definitely not thing weird going on” the dude said as he was enjoying life until he saw someone that looked suspiciously just like him. The dude asked, “oh hello there, who are you and why do you strangely look a lot like me?” The doppelgänger replied with a similar voice but with a slightly more goofy tone, “I’m an exact clone of ya”. The dude was so bewildered upon hearing this, he screamed. “WHAT THE FU-“
azontr
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Anyway:
I've been working privately on this story. Called it "Dark Leviathan - Heaven's Descent", about a man whose the reincarnation of a fallen angel, learning to face his divine origins in his new life as a human. I've been procrastinating on it for a few months but seeing this thread made me want to get back to writing it.
I've been working privately on this story. Called it "Dark Leviathan - Heaven's Descent", about a man whose the reincarnation of a fallen angel, learning to face his divine origins in his new life as a human. I've been procrastinating on it for a few months but seeing this thread made me want to get back to writing it.
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Almost forgot this thread-
I'm actually attempting to create a novel, haven't gotten far into the process unfortunately, stuck on writing chapter two. It's called "Red Ghost" and it's all about this young adult named Ian going on an adventure to save the world with a girl named Ruby. It's basically just your common adventure story.
I'm actually attempting to create a novel, haven't gotten far into the process unfortunately, stuck on writing chapter two. It's called "Red Ghost" and it's all about this young adult named Ian going on an adventure to save the world with a girl named Ruby. It's basically just your common adventure story.
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Well... what's the power system you use?
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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OK then, is there a higher source for that magic? Like a cosmic phenomenon, a powerful entity, another planet or universe?
Peppersalt43
They/Them- 23,834
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Ah, divine powers huh? Not very easy to bring in ghosts in that regard but I do have some ideas
The first is based off the Death Knights in D&D. Essentially for this concept, if a magic user is particularly malicious (And I don't just mean going off killing people. I mean scheming to bring upon the end of the world or something like that) they will be cursed to have their consciousness go on, sustained by their magic until they can be dispelled.
Now you just have to make a way for that existence to be torturous
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