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How Screwed Are You?

Why does a mutatated shelled reptillian that also excels in the art of stealth that is in the middle of adolescence which frequently uses a stick as the weapon of choice from specifically the 90's want with me?
 
No way you randomly rolled that.

Dude i have extremely bad luck like lancer F/SN luck (not gonna lie its hard) its weird F my life
 
Good thing this time I didn't have a giant freaking Multiversal Dragon chasing after me with a weird bird man as my only defense.
 
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