Be My Rimworld Pawns (Again): Season 4.5

[Arceus0x]

these posts are the glue holding this Rimworld thread together, I salute you my liege

and I look forward to every new installment of this series and expect it with great interest to see what will happen next. This is probably the most unique thread series on the wiki.

 

[Crabwhale]

• Our fields are expanding to deal with the increased burden of pawns. @FinePoint, in some sort of cruel twist of fate, is effectively the labor boss overseeing @Crabwhale and Skalpbug in planting this new field. This is a form of hell for Scooper, who must endure the presence of both VS Mods simultaneously. God forbid someone mentions the HST around either of them, otherwise Scooper may just off himself right there. We're adding tomatoes and eggplants to our diet because they seem like efficient crops for the blazing hellscape that is a Lemosian jungle.
• For @FinePoint, the battle was spent staring at a concrete wall inside. He still managed to be shot because I didn't notice a mechanoid had flown over the battle, punched into the bunker, and started shooting him while he just took it. It was the world's tiniest mechanoid, though, so he's actually miraculously healthy for a guy that was hit like 40-50 times. Jake, John VSBattles, and @Skalpbug were badly injured

Me when the shit-smeling bug person I'm forced to work with doesn't perish in mechanoid fire:

 

[Epiccheev]

We do a little colonizing

 

[Epiccheev]

Wonder if we're ever getting Rimworld 2

 

[Mr. Bambu]

Wonder if we're ever getting Rimworld 2

I would be totally fine with just more DLC for another decade.

also I will return to this but I have been so diseased that it, at times, physically hurts to keep my eyes open

 

[Mr. Bambu]

• The NANOSECOND I returned, @Comiphorous received an infection in his leg. This really isn't a big deal, and @DaReaperMan was even hanging out loitering at his bedroom door anyways (won't speculate on the cause for that), so treatment was similarly basically instantaneous, but still. Terrible, terrible omen.
• One of the many dead imperial soldiers was apparently @Rakih_Elyan's brother. I only learned this when he began violently assaulting the table he was eating at because he was upset about his death.
• @Epiccheev suggested a binge party, out in the unfinished dining hall. There is always a self-destructive impulse in Rimworld pawns wherein they will detect that notice on the right side of the screen that, in tiny letters, reads "Low food", and they'll think "Golly, what if we ate it all". I told her no.
• Instead I will work on gearing us for an assault on the nearby enemy position, Relay-56, held by the Colonization Front. We were going to besiege this earlier. This base is also the only one that our mortars can strike from our base. which is big. Currently we're waiting on @Armorchompy to recover from the last of his injuries, so @Tllmbrg sill speed that up using his psychic powers.
• The enemy base attack has begun, with @Epiccheev @Tllmbrg @Armorchompy @Rakih_Elyan @Andytrenom and @Crabwhale being tagged to lead it. We're bringing along some less important characters from the base, as well as Demeter's summonable Imperial troops. @Topaz404 and @Shadowslash125 are manning our mortars at the base, who will initiate the fight by just lobbing tremendous amounts of explosives at them. It's raining, so I hope to send in melee pawns while accuracy is reduced, and have them fight in close quarters. There are many foes, now that we've landed. We'll see how it goes. I'm not seeing their leader, who is a mech pilot named Gwardo Jones. Also a lot of them seem to be wearing sombreros? In the aftermath, we live and learn. Turns out you need a spotter for mortars to target other world tiles. The Imperial summons got ******, which was pretty much the intent with them. Of our soldiers, only Scutum went down while bravely charging behind enemy sandbags and cutting down a bunch of them. Most of the loot is not worth writing home about: slim pickens in regards to ammo, low spacer weapon counts. I found at least one powered exoskeleton suit, which is pretty awesome. I think we're also gonna capture one of them, an unassuming 24 year old man named Albert, who has moderate skills in shooting and melee (passion in each), as well as a professional talent for plants. We could do with a more secure plant group, and he's already ahead of most of ours. He's not a very exciting recruit, and they just didn't have any good cooks who survived. The others shall die, not worth the cost to feed them for the most part. Didn't find the leader here, must be in a war band somewhere.
• Update, the only problem with Albert is that @Armorchompy cut off both of his ******* arms. We're still taking him. @Tllmbrg will fix it. We just need to... not get anyone else ****** up in the immediate future.
• I wonder if anyone gets nervous when they're being tended to by the mindbroken sanguophage. Like that has to be at least a little anxiety inducing on multiple fronts, right? He eats blood and his mind was utterly unwound and then recompiled differently so that he never sees anything wrong with his essential imprisonment. Today it is @Tllmbrg under his knife, wondering if he'll wake up a few liters of blood lighter.
• A mechanoid raid occurred while @Epiccheev led her raid on Relay-56, but luckily it was a delayed drop; they deposited a weather alteration device into our area that would not activate for a few days. Now I'm puzzling what to do with it, since we're sorta beat up. Currently has two days left on its timer. @Arceus0x was trying to haul some steel that happened to be in the middle of the pile of sleeping mechanoids and thus almost committed a very interesting form of suicide, but I stopped him in time.
• @Andytrenom appears to have projectile vomited all across her barracks. Everyone suffers together. This is made further humorous because, on a whim, I was going through @PsychoWarper's social log, and found an interaction wherein he joked with Paige about... vomiting. So maybe she was just trying to be funny. Just a prank, bro.
• I can't believe it but @FinePoint was struck by ******* lightning. I'm not going to go back and find it but wasn't he the one that was struck by lightning before? He just has minor burns but still. What the ****. What did you do to Thor little bro. He never let it slow his work in the rice fields, though. Can't say he isn't dedicated to touching grass, these days.
• I've just noticed that among those at Relay-56 was... @Follow_Doctor_Freeman's fiance, whose head was blown off by @Crabwhale. Huh.
• @Comiphorous inexplicably began building a roof over our eggplants. I'm not sure what possessed him to do that, as this kills the eggplant.
• We're getting ground penetrating scanners online, so mining for resources will hopefully be much easier. I will select one of the fodder pawns to be chained to the thing and our best miner (currently seems to be @DaReaperMan) will be chained to a mining apparatus to finally secure us a fuel source that isn't melted down firearms and robot bodies.

This will do for an update for now. Just to show signs of life as I battle the contagion in my chest.

 

[DaReaperMan]

• The NANOSECOND I returned, @Comiphorous received an infection in his leg. This really isn't a big deal, and @DaReaperMan was even hanging out loitering at his bedroom door anyways (won't speculate on the cause for that), so treatment was similarly basically instantaneous, but still. Terrible, terrible omen.

Certainly one way to get promoted lol

• We're getting ground penetrating scanners online, so mining for resources will hopefully be much easier. I will select one of the fodder pawns to be chained to the thing and our best miner (currently seems to be @DaReaperMan) will be chained to a mining apparatus to finally secure us a fuel source that isn't melted down firearms and robot bodies.

Truly when you can regrow limbs there's no need to practice medicine

This will do for an update for now. Just to show signs of life as I battle the contagion in my chest.

We'll have you sounding like a zombie yet!

 

[Follow_Doctor_Freeman]

These updates are so amusing not only for the events we're being informed on but also for Bambu's prose itself. Ideally dryly comedic, can detect (and relish) hints of mild frustration with the unexpected snares and relief at things going well.

Reaper being suspiciously close at hand to help the suddenly infirm Comi and thus get promoted. Crabwhale killing my character's fiance (what/who/when/why?!), which I won't discount the possibility of Tahkobel being in on even if I (would prefer to) think someone like him scoring is an uncommon occurrence. Hmm, there might be some insurance scams spreading around here that could compromise the operation. Someone gets proactive to win a Polymarket bet related to if (or when) the colony collapses. Although Reaper perhaps deserves a promotion anyway & Tahkobel really shouldn't be allowed to reproduce or have some other such unholy Avocado mukbang partnership anyway. Hey, maybe Comi's leg was infected by a reverse-saboteur trying to prevent him from killing the eggplants and Reaper undid the save. Thought-provoking.

The enemy base attack has begun[...] I'm not seeing their leader, who is a mech pilot named Gwardo Jones. Also a lot of them seem to be wearing sombreros?

"I've heard of problems with aliens from Mexico, but this is ridiculous!"

Update, the only problem with Albert is that @Armorchompy cut off both of his ******* arms. We're still taking him. @Tllmbrg will fix it. We just need to... not get anyone else ****** up in the immediate future.

Can't be surprised about Albert; the loss of limbs was bound to happen when you gave the order to dis-arm someone to a character conceived by a guy literally named Arm[...]chompy. Now poor Armless Al's just going to have to help with plants by stomping seeds into the dirt with his feet.

I wonder if anyone gets nervous when they're being tended to by the mindbroken sanguophage. Like that has to be at least a little anxiety inducing on multiple fronts, right? He eats blood and his mind was utterly unwound and then recompiled differently so that he never sees anything wrong with his essential imprisonment. Today it is @Tllmbrg under his knife, wondering if he'll wake up a few liters of blood lighter.

Not sure if getting psycho surgeon like that or getting the other extremity of a surgeon like this is worse. Either way, it may be wise to learn how to pull a Leonid Rogozov and just DIY. And yes, there are pics out there, but I'm not linking those!

Overall, though, things do seem to be holding together for the crew. Good luck with "the contagion in [your] chest," as those tend to not end the best way when occurring during space-faring missions. Tahkobel might have used some particularly exotic eggs in that soufflé; these luxuries have tradeoffs.

 

[Armorchompy]

• Update, the only problem with Albert is that @Armorchompy cut off both of his ******* arms. We're still taking him. @Tllmbrg will fix it. We just need to... not get anyone else ****** up in the immediate future.

beast mode

 

[Epiccheev]

I told her no.

 

[Arceus0x]

@Arceus0x was trying to haul some steel that happened to be in the middle of the pile of sleeping mechanoids and thus almost committed a very interesting form of suicide

 

[FinePoint]

I can't believe it but @FinePoint was struck by ******* lightning. I'm not going to go back and find it but wasn't he the one that was struck by lightning before? He just has minor burns but still. What the ****. What did you do to Thor little bro. He never let it slow his work in the rice fields, though. Can't say he isn't dedicated to touching grass, these days.

The gods simply resent my existence.

 

[Arceus0x]

The gods simply resent my existence.

Bro interrupted Zeus mid-bang one time

 

[Crabwhale]

• I've just noticed that among those at Relay-56 was... @Follow_Doctor_Freeman's fiance, whose head was blown off by @Crabwhale. Huh.

 

[Arceus0x]

 

[Follow_Doctor_Freeman]

All good, I think your guy did the world a favor by minimizing the influence of my slopchef OC, even if you may be eating from the trough filled by a doubly-disturbed individual now. Whoever the fiance was couldn't have been that great, either. Still think that life insurance was involved in all this. Be careful out there...

 

[Comiphorous]

• The NANOSECOND I returned, @Comiphorous received an infection in his leg. This really isn't a big deal, and @DaReaperMan was even hanging out loitering at his bedroom door anyways (won't speculate on the cause for that), so treatment was similarly basically instantaneous, but still. Terrible, terrible omen.

Writers nerfed me man. Wdym an infection in the leg is putting me down.

• @Comiphorous inexplicably began building a roof over our eggplants. I'm not sure what possessed him to do that, as this kills the eggplant.

I don't like eggplants.

 

[Epiccheev]

-snip-

Damn, i just noticed how gigantic the image came out