Be My Rimworld Pawns (Again): Season 4.5

[Mr. Bambu]

• @Rakih_Elyan, in his rage, was going to strangle @Andytrenom to death in her ******* hospital bed. He got off one strike to her head before @Arceus0x managed to get to him and knock him out of it.
• We held funerals for the three dead. @Tllmbrg was selected to lead them, for some ungodly reason. @Da3ggman received a pretty good funeral, although not everyone could attend it given many of us have shrapnel fragments in our brains.
• @Lawiegg destroyed his own bed in a fit of wrath. Should he survive this hell, he will be docked three months of pay for this.
• @Comiphorous, in his rage at Saphir being killed in combat, issued an insane royal decree: we would all be court martialed and slaughtered unless we killed one (1) cobra. @Arceus0xhas saved us all by doing the deed. Praise be.
• @Epiccheev also entered a murderous rage, intending to kill @Lawiegg. Luckily, Cheevler is a recovering alcoholic who can only crawl along the jungle floor at a snail's pace, so Bombardo simply briskly walked away from him and outpaced him easily. @DaReaperMan calmed Cheevler down, who then fell catatonic onto the ground, as pure unadulterated rage was the only thing keeping him functioning at that moment. Lanzy (who is a WOMAN!) dragged him to his bed.
• @Andytrenom was stressed when she recovered from the hospital, so to cool off she went to her happy place: eighteen meters deep into a hole in the mountain to pick at rocks all day. She promptly recovered her mood.
• @Crabwhale was coping remarkably well through the PTSD crisis at Command Post Hexus. This continued until he was forced to pick plants alongside @FinePoint, who stank so bad that his mood soured and he began insulting John VSBattles.
• I am reasonably sure that @Epiccheev impaled a dart into @DaReaperMan's brain as she attempted to calm down @Armorchompy in our rec room/eating area.
• @Shadowslash125 has been cleaning up the copious amounts of vomit around the base because his god damn kitchen has to be god damn clean!!! Our initial food supplies are finally running out and our first harvest of rice is coming in (lots of failed harvests are harming our stocks here), so Titter is becoming a highly valuable guy.
• @PsychoWarper is a lesser deity of concrete. He pumps the stuff out because he's a crafter, then he places it down because he's a builder. We need so, so, so much concrete. Such a terrifying amount of concrete. It's ******* insane. I hate it here.
• I hadn't noticed it before but @FinePoint has learned how to grow some of the more difficult plants, specifically psychoid (drugs), blazebulb (explosives), and healroot (medicine, if you can believe it). With any luck, within a season or two, we'll be able to manufacture AP-HE rounds (armor piercing, high explosive), which will really help with our current shitty situation!
• @Epiccheev is close, so very close, to overcoming his alcoholism. At time of writing, it is one in-game day away. We need it so badly. I ******* hate alcoholism. This shit is killing us non-stop.
• @Comiphorous is experiencing daily panic attacks because his bedroom isn't fancy enough.

All for now.

 

[Comiphorous]

@Comiphorous, in his rage at Saphir being killed in combat, issued an insane royal decree: we would all be court martialed and slaughtered unless we killed one (1) cobra. @Arceus0xhas saved us all by doing the deed. Praise be.

Saphir's life is apparently worth a single cobra. God-hood changed me, man.

@Comiphorous is experiencing daily panic attacks because his bedroom isn't fancy enough.

This is reasonable though.

 

[Epiccheev]

Lanzy (who is a WOMAN!) dragged him to his bed.

Tbf this junkie of a servant Scheevler is also a woman.
Too bad not everyone can afford an Abaddon like Epicurius after all.

 

[Epiccheev]

Saphir's life is apparently worth a single cobra. God-hood changed me, man.

The cobra is probably some poetic way of rwpresenting "the treacherous snake that killed her"
Or maybe he just needed some snakeskin boota.

 

[Arceus0x]

• @Rakih_Elyan, in his rage, was going to strangle @Andytrenom to death in her ******* hospital bed. He got off one strike to her head before @Arceus0x managed to get to him and knock him out of it.

Bro thought he could LS diff Andy only to get LS diffed himself

• We held funerals for the three dead. @Tllmbrg was selected to lead them

Average Tllmberg funeral

Spoiler: The boys spoiler or sth

• @Lawiegg destroyed his own bed in a fit of wrath. Should he survive this hell, he will be docked three months of pay for this.

• @Comiphorous, in his rage at Saphir being killed in combat, issued an insane royal decree: we would all be court martialed and slaughtered unless we killed one (1) cobra. @Arceus0xhas saved us all by doing the deed. Praise be.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

Tbf this junkie of a servant Scheevler is also a woman.
Too bad not everyone can afford an Abaddon like Epicurius after all.

dude... one Abaddon would fix us, straight up.

 

[Arceus0x]

dude... one Abaddon would fix us, straight up.

+50 raiders

 

[DaReaperMan]

• @Epiccheev also entered a murderous rage, intending to kill @Lawiegg. Luckily, Cheevler is a recovering alcoholic who can only crawl along the jungle floor at a snail's pace, so Bombardo simply briskly walked away from him and outpaced him easily. @DaReaperMan calmed Cheevler down, who then fell catatonic onto the ground, as pure unadulterated rage was the only thing keeping him functioning at that moment. Lanzy (who is a WOMAN!) dragged him to his bed.

Seems about right lmfao

• I am reasonably sure that @Epiccheev impaled a dart into @DaReaperMan's brain as she attempted to calm down @Armorchompy in our rec room/eating area.

Now that ain't very nice lmfao

 

[Arceus0x]

Seems about right lmfao

Now that ain't very nice lmfao

Bro got hit with the Dart Goblin strats

 

[Epiccheev]

Now that ain't very nice lmfao

Average Arkham Asylum nurse experience

 

[Crabwhale]

• @Crabwhale was coping remarkably well through the PTSD crisis at Command Post Hexus. This continued until he was forced to pick plants alongside @FinePoint, who stank so bad that his mood soured and he began insulting John VSBattles.

Hey man, that iron will can only carry you so far, especially when you're near a disgusting bug man whose heart is as black and foul as the rest of him.

 

[PsychoWarper]

@Crabwhale was coping remarkably well through the PTSD crisis at Command Post Hexus. This continued until he was forced to pick plants alongside @FinePoint, who stank so bad that his mood soured and he began insulting John VSBattles.

Biblically accurate

 

[PsychoWarper]

@PsychoWarper is a lesser deity of concrete. He pumps the stuff out because he's a crafter, then he places it down because he's a builder. We need so, so, so much concrete. Such a terrifying amount of concrete. It's ******* insane. I hate it here.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

 

[Arceus0x]

biggest fumble of 2026

 

[PsychoWarper]

The image link did not want to work

 

[Epiccheev]

The last comment like:

 

[Crabwhale]

Was reading a 40k book and

 

[Lawiegg]

Seems about right lmfao

Now that ain't very nice lmfao

The hell did I do yo

 

[Lawiegg]

Biblically accurate

Seems about right

 

[Mr. Bambu]

• @FinePoint was struck by lightning while tending to our pea fields. He's surprisingly alright.
• @DaReaperMan, @Rakih_Elyan, @PsychoWarper, and @Andytrenom are making fast time of the post-battle rest period, and are pumping out concrete (and citadel walls made of concrete) at a prodigious rate. We have not allowed the miners to see daylight in weeks.
• @Comiphorous punched @Topaz404 several times in the head, then immediately entered a sad wander. Perhaps he regretted his actions.
• Good news and bad news for @Epiccheev. Good news, you have finally gotten over your alcoholism and are no longer an incredible burden! Bad news, I only just noticed that in that major gunfight, your eye and jaw were shot off. Your pawn doesn't even have eyes so I don't know how that works, but it is what the game has said.
• If we starve to death, it will be because @Crabwhale botched like five harvest jobs in a row. Stop ******* up our peas! We need those!
• @Armorchompy has tried (unsuccessfully) three times to dig up @Da3ggman's corpse. We have to keep tackling him as he's clawing at the mud.
• After being tended to by @Rakih_Elyan, we have our first new recruit: a teenage soldier! That's right, folks. We're getting into real war crimes. Sentharia is not incredible, but she has 9 Shooting and a double passion in it, and she walks fast. She will tend the fields in her down time. Glory be to the Imperium.
• It's really hot!
• @PsychoWarper became enraged by how bored he was making concrete, so he began to savage the concrete mixer. We calmed him down before he destroyed it.
• Sending seven of you to do some of the missions nearby that have popped up. There are a couple Buzzer manufacturing outposts, as well as a call for assistance from the Militia to deal with attackers.
• The first mission actually went really well. @Tllmbrg had to fistfight some fleshbeasts while @Crabwhale and @Topaz404 ducked into a building for cover, but it went well. Unfortunately, the game broke when I tried to send you ***** on the second mission, and the autosave was prior to this first mission being done. I'm saying "**** that", and just spawning the same rewards (barring the minor stuff because I don't remember them). I also spawned the same fleshbeasts to invade our base. Mostly it went fine, but @Tllmbrg actually went down this time until @Armorchompy rescued him by bludgeoning his enemies to death with a tungsteel mace. In the hospital, the doctors could not heal Gnawer, because @FinePoint was occupying the slot by ******* talking to him instead. We continue to pray for the death of John VSBattles, but the fact that he is a non-combatant all but guarantees that he will always be far from harm.

 

[DaReaperMan]

• @DaReaperMan, @Rakih_Elyan, @PsychoWarper, and @Andytrenom are making fast time of the post-battle rest period, and are pumping out concrete (and citadel walls made of concrete) at a prodigious rate. We have not allowed the miners to see daylight in weeks.

I love how Lanzy is just kinda walking off getting a dart to the brain basket lmfao

Also jeez now I kinda wish you had the Android mod, if a 4 in mining skill is what passes as acceptable enough lmfao

 

[Mr. Bambu]

I love how Lanzy is just kinda walking off getting a dart to the brain basket lmfao

Also jeez now I kinda wish you had the Android mod, if a 4 in mining skill is what passes as acceptable enough lmfao

 

[DaReaperMan]

Truly, Comi's quarters will not be seeing luxury for awhile...

 

[Armorchompy]

• @Armorchompy has tried (unsuccessfully) three times to dig up @Da3ggman's corpse. We have to keep tackling him as he's clawing at the mud.

Free him! Free my man!

 

[Arceus0x]

My pawn hasn't been mentioned

dr umar has plans

im telling you now i have plans that i cannot share with you right now because the haters will sabotage me but i got some stuff in the works dr umar johnson ...

youtube.com

 

[Mr. Bambu]

My pawn hasn't been mentioned

dr umar has plans

im telling you now i have plans that i cannot share with you right now because the haters will sabotage me but i got some stuff in the works dr umar johnson ...

youtube.com

right now he's kinda just strapped to the research bench

if it means anything, you finished our mortars research

 

[Arceus0x]

right now he's kinda just strapped to the research bench

if it means anything, you finished our mortars research

My Courier is joining the Boomers Ic

 

[Comiphorous]

@Comiphorous punched @Topaz404 several times in the head, then immediately entered a sad wander. Perhaps he regretted his actions.

Scooper defends Comiphor for beating Warlock: "He don't got internet"

 

[Crabwhale]

• If we starve to death, it will be because @Crabwhale botched like five harvest jobs in a row. Stop ******* up our peas! We need those!

None of the schematics and gene-memory in his brain involved farming smh

• @PsychoWarper became enraged by how bored he was making concrete, so he began to savage the concrete mixer. We calmed him down before he destroyed it.

• In the hospital, the doctors could not heal Gnawer, because @FinePoint was occupying the slot by ******* talking to him instead. We continue to pray for the death of John VSBattles, but the fact that he is a non-combatant all but guarantees that he will always be far from harm.

A little "accident" can be engineered I'm sure.

 

[Mr. Bambu]

• @Lawiegg is in a bad spot. He is a Hussar, which means he needs a certain form of drug in order to survive; without it, he will eventually enter a coma, and die. We're about halfway since his last fix to a coma.
• I HAVE LEARNED THAT THERE IS A CHANCE. We can craft reinforced barrels from huge amounts of steel and metal slag at a lathe. This is important because these are necessary for basically all artillery weapons. They are usually only purchaseable, which is a huge issue for a game with no ******* merchants. HOWEVER. It requires a Crafting skill of 15 (Strong master) in order to appropriately shape said barrel. Right now, we are betting huge money on @Andytrenom remaining alive long enough to get Crafting 15 (she's the best crafter currently, at 13) to make us reinforced barrels to build barrels for our artillery. I am ELATED.
• Every day brings new morale failures. Today @Shadowslash125 lost his mind, and began savaging the beds in the barracks. When @DaReaperMan tried to calm him down, he punched Lanzy in the nose and continued assaulting @Armorchompy's (occupied, as in the man was SLEEPING in it) bed. He only fully destroyed one thing, that being @Crabwhale's bed. Additionally, @Comiphorous fell catatonic in the field, utterly depressed with life. For some reason a lot of you aren't fulfilling your recreational needs, even though outlets are available. I'm not sure why. Anyways he was so bored that he fell back and allowed @Crabwhale to carry his plasteel-clad ass back to his bed to have some R&R for a few days. We can't even snap him out of a catatonic state, so he's just out of commission.
• @Tllmbrg meditated at @Da3ggman's grave long enough to gain a Psylink level, and can now regenerate lost limbs. We are so ******* back. Specifically, @Epiccheev is so ******* back, since he is currently missing some body parts. When the colony is more sorted, we'll be setting him up proper like. I don't want to do it now, because it will put him in a coma for 1 day.
• Buncha child beggars showed up asking for pretty much all of our silver. I decided not to kill them, but I really wanted to. It is humorous that one of them was named "Truffle" and another was named "Shuffle".
• I'm having @PsychoWarper cease his concrete factory a moment so we can diversify our recreation needs. He's made chairs for our (shitty) television, a comfortable chess table, and some punching bags. Turns out, the lack of these things was drawing all of us crazy.
• Had to have @Arceus0x restrain @Armorchompy, who felt Da3ggman should still be released. I don't know why it keeps on happening but its kinda awesome. He just misses Arsenal so ******* much. This time he succeeded in actually unburying him, and depositing his skeletal remains onto the dining table while @Shadowslash125 was enjoying his lunch. Afterwards, he went to go stare down the barrel of our recoilless rifle for some moments and contemplate this hellish existence.
• We were paid a huge sum of 525 Uranium to defend some of the militia's soldiers for a couple weeks. This involved the destruction of a mechanoid cluster, but it was funny how it ended up going down. We were meant to defend 7 pawns for 16 days. We would also get 4 pawns who were there just to defend them, and could die as needed. A mechanoid cluster spawned, which is pretty bad! But! I had the four pawns each take satchel charges and run in, with some covering fire from @Tllmbrg and @Topaz404, who quickly retreated once they were close enough. Even though two of them went down (one actually died) on the run in, Combat Extended means that if their charge is hit by an explosion, it will also go off. So four bombs dealing 378 damage each with a multiplier of 4x for impassable structures resulted in the entire cluster just being wiped out. It did destroy an advanced component from the mechanoid loot, which sucks because we really do need those, and with no merchants it is going to be really hard to get any, but! 525 uranium! And a mid-range monosword. The sword went to @Epiccheev as our best melee combatant at the moment.
• Our outpost had an event about an animal uptick in the region. I chose the option to receive an award of 500 silver by hunting them. In addition to this, they also just... sent us some animals? Like a hermit crab? Very strange. @Topaz404 slaughtered them for consumption. We're keeping specifically the Hermit Crab, though. He'll wander around base. Open applications to name the fella, who is our mascot now.
• While @Comiphorous remains catatonic, we got an Imperial trader in orbit. I thought to myself "yippee! we can sell stuff and buy some gear worth having!" I woke @Arceus0x up to trade, took him to the radio to contact them... and they informed me we needed the rank of Baron to trade. Which only Comiphorous has. So this is why I've taken up skydiving without parachutes.

 

[DaReaperMan]

• Every day brings new morale failures. Today @Shadowslash125 lost his mind, and began savaging the beds in the barracks. When @DaReaperMan tried to calm him down, he punched Lanzy in the nose and continued assaulting @Armorchompy's (occupied, as in the man was SLEEPING in it) bed.

Let me guess, Lanzy and Comi are the only ones with any social skills whatsoever lmfao

• Our outpost had an event about an animal uptick in the region. I chose the option to receive an award of 500 silver by hunting them. In addition to this, they also just... sent us some animals? Like a hermit crab? Very strange. @Topaz404 slaughtered them for consumption. We're keeping specifically the Hermit Crab, though. He'll wander around base. Open applications to name the fella, who is our mascot now.

The Emperor's Wrath. I am definitely not running a Sith Warrior in SWTOR right now. Nope. Not at all.

Side note, I love how Lanzy has somehow not lost her shit yet, must be Iron Willed putting in the work to keep her above the breaking threshold lmfao

 

[Epiccheev]

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THERE IS A CHANCE. We can craft reinforced barrels from huge amounts of steel and metal slag at a lathe. This is important because these are necessary for basically all artillery weapons. They are usually only purchaseable, which is a huge issue for a game with no ******* merchants. HOWEVER. It requires a Crafting skill of 15 (Strong master) in order to appropriately shape said barrel. Right now, we are betting huge money on @Andytrenom remaining alive long enough to get Crafting 15 (she's the best crafter currently, at 13) to make us reinforced barrels to build barrels for our artillery. I am ELATED.

 

[PsychoWarper]

I'm having @PsychoWarper cease his concrete factory a moment so we can diversify our recreation needs. He's made chairs for our (shitty) television, a comfortable chess table, and some punching bags. Turns out, the lack of these things was drawing all of us crazy.

IM FREEEEE

Our outpost had an event about an animal uptick in the region. I chose the option to receive an award of 500 silver by hunting them. In addition to this, they also just... sent us some animals? Like a hermit crab? Very strange. @Topaz404 slaughtered them for consumption. We're keeping specifically the Hermit Crab, though. He'll wander around base. Open applications to name the fella, who is our mascot now.

Whale

 

[Mr. Bambu]

• @Epiccheev entered his regen coma now that colony mood has stabilized a bit. @Tllmbrg is regrowing his body parts. Fascinatingly, this process also has erased all scars on him. Because he was down, and I am afraid of attacks, his monosword is being wielded by @Rakih_Elyan.
• We had a solar flare and eclipse occur at more or less the same time. The wrath of an angry god falls upon Lemos.
• Cancel that on the crab. We were attacked by Imperial Deserters trying to assassinate @Comiphorous while he was incapacitated, resulting in the crab being beaten to death by one of them. This raid actually went obscenely well for us, even though they drop podded into our bunker; we holed up in the infirmary to defend @Comiphorous and @Epiccheev. Thank **** I gave @Rakih_Elyan the monosword, because he carried this fight, as the Deserters had no real response for a strong melee combatant in close quarters. As the tide turned, I began having @Crabwhale and @Shadowslash125 start stripping the surviving Deserters; their gear melts into acid when they die, and their armor is a LOT better than ours. We have one casualty, Sentharia, the pawn we recruited from the cryptosleep caskets. Child soldiers always die first! I had a sort of swaggy moment as well, where @Tllmbrg found two of them cornered in a back room of the bunker trying to get out, so he busted in and mowed them down with his rail gun rifle. @Armorchompy spent the whole life torturing a single deserter, beating him in the head for like two straight hours of combat with a club as the poor guy just took it. Updating this a bit after: @Lawiegg has perished from his wounds, as many got infected and Gnawer was out of psychic juice to save him.
• While dealing with the aftermath, @Arceus0x was tending to the wounded (one of two pawns left unwounded in the combat, the other being @Andytrenom) when one of the Deserters, who was already naked, got back up, picked up an energy sniper rifle, aimed it point blank at his head... only for Courier to kick him in the nuts and go back to what he was doing, which was escorting @Shadowslash125 to bed to heal him.
• @Tllmbrg saw Lawiegg die, and just got into his hospital bed, with the corpse still there. ******* crazy.
• Okay. Spent some time repairing the base. Here's the rundown on what happened with all that: @DaReaperMan and @Rakih_Elyan spent time dissecting the surviving deserters for bionic parts. @Tllmbrg ****** off and meditated so he could regrow some of the lost limbs. @Comiphorous came out of his catatonic state, saw the status of the base, and instantly went into a sad wander. @Crabwhale entered a catatonic state. @Andytrenom has begun work on our first reinforced barrels for the big artillery. EVERYONE has spacer-tier armor; even losing a few sets of deserter armor to death acidifiers, we have enough for everyone to wear it, including @FinePoint's non-combatant ass. @Topaz404 and @DaReaperMan are getting charge rifles (most of their guns were biocoded, there were a small handful that are usable by us). @Epiccheev is getting a railgun magnum. There's a charge shotgun and charge LMG I haven't assigned yet-- the shotgun seems unwise and the LMG uses a lot of ammo, and we cannot produce the ammo for charge weapons yet. @Armorchompy and @PsychoWarper began making a warehouse for us, since the invaders ****** up a lot of our storage space. @Arceus0x spent the day calming people down from various petty mental breaks (Paige going on a food binge, Comiphor's sad wander, etc)
• With the exception of @Armorchompy and @FinePoint, the moods have sort of tapered off in the post-Dire-Raid lull. With a few more facilities done, I'd expect us to be able to do the reinforcement round: I'm thinking I'll do it when the colony hits one year old.

I need a ******' break...

Let me guess, Lanzy and Comi are the only ones with any social skills whatsoever lmfao

@Arceus0x also has social skills, about equal with Lanzy.

 

[Shadowslash125]

Open applications to name the fella, who is our mascot now.

Mudcrab Merchant (or Eugene Krabs)
EDIT: I saw the update, no crab...

 

[Epiccheev]

Cancel that on the crab. We were attacked by Imperial Deserters trying to assassinate @Comiphorous while he was incapacitated, resulting in the crab being beaten to death by one of them.

Damn, not even our crab was spared. At least we can eat it now.

 

[Tllmbrg]

@Tllmbrg saw Lawiegg die, and just got into his hospital bed, with the corpse still there. ******* crazy.

I was very tired man.

 

[Epiccheev]

@Lawiegg is in a bad spot. He is a Hussar, which means he needs a certain form of drug in order to survive; without it, he will eventually enter a coma, and die. We're about halfway since his last fix to a coma.

@Lawiegg has perished from his wounds, as many got infected and Gnawer was out of psychic juice to save him.

 

[DaReaperMan]

All Lanzy is gonna be able to do at this point is call raging colonists various insults and partake in target practice lmfao