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You vs. Toddlers

Gewsbumpz_dude

Gewsbumpz_dude

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The age old question...

You mere minding your own business one particularly slow afternoon, until you were transported to a different realm. A realm consisting of an infinite, flat plane (lol). A voice booms across this endless world, an announcer of some sorts. It says that you might fight for your life against an infinite army of bloodthirsty toddlers from an alternate, evil universe. They will "spawn in" one at a time, one toddler every five seconds. You have to fight for your life and manage your energy as you war against the murderous infants with any real world weapon of your choice (or any finite amount of pitbulls, because funny), or you can utilize the toddlers themselves. After all, infinite toddlers just means infinite improvised melee weapons (Thanks for the joke, WeeklyBattles). If you were thrown into this situation, how many toddlers would you be able to take down (I.E. Kill or incap if you're soft)?

Note: This is all just a big meme. Don't crucify me.
 
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See, infinite is when you exhaust every known number, right? So, I will take the number of Pitbulls right before numbers becomes meaningless 🗿
 
teehee-doggo.gif
 
Shmooply said:
Toddlers would probably win. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to harm a small child intentionally. However, if by toddlers you mean @ThisThingisReallyBroken, then I'm ******* punting him with the same force of a professional batter.
Click to expand...
Nya~, that’s rather rude!

Anyways.

Upon all the wickedness mankind can reproduce, we will send unto them only you, abort and miscarriage until it is done…
 
Gewsbumpz_dude said:
The age old question...

You mere minding your own business one particularly slow afternoon, until you were transported to a different realm. A realm consisting of an infinite, flat plane (lol). A voice booms across this endless world, an announcer of some sorts. It says that you might fight for your life against an infinite army of bloodthirsty toddlers from an alternate, evil universe. They will "spawn in" one at a time, one toddler every five seconds. You have to fight for your life and manage your energy as you war against the murderous infants with any real world weapon of your choice (or any finite amount of pitbulls, because funny), or you can utilize the toddlers themselves. After all, infinite toddlers just means infinite improvised melee weapons (Thanks for the joke, WeeklyBattles). If you were thrown into this situation, how many toddlers would you be able to take down (I.E. Kill or incap if you're soft)?

Note: This is all just a big meme. Don't crucify me.
Click to expand...
The battle would go on for centuries to come. The infinite amount of toddlers against me, the person who created the concept of infinity in the first place. I'd eventually get bored and erase the concept of infinite toddlers as a whole.

(Only my friends will get this inside joke)
 
ThisThingisReallyBroken said:
Nya~, that’s rather rude!
Click to expand...
I will punt you so hard you will enter the clouds, almost freezing to death, then to the stratosphere, almost burning to death, then you'll fly so far into outer space that your body will start defying the laws of physics and turn to stone, yet you will still bear the curse of consciousness. You will outlive every natural satellite, every solar system, every galaxy, every red dwarf. After every atom has been destroyed, as you are trapped in what appears to be an eternal void, you will suddenly be greeted by a great spark and an intense burning as you realize you are bearing witness to the creation of reality once more. Your body cracks apart, your soul finally leaves you, and begins plummeting into the earth, coincidentally landing inside a pitbull puppy. Then, only then, will you be free once more from the punishment I have given you.
 
Void said:
The battle would go on for centuries to come. The infinite amount of toddlers against me, the person who created the concept of infinity in the first place. I'd eventually get bored and erase the concept of infinite toddlers as a whole.

(Only my friends will get this inside joke)
Click to expand...
This is an epic reference to whatever we tend to do on Discord!
 
Shmooply said:
I will punt you so hard you will enter the clouds, almost freezing to death, then to the stratosphere, almost burning to death, then you'll fly so far into outer space that your body will start defying the laws of physics and turn to stone, yet you will still bear the curse of consciousness. You will outlive every natural satellite, every solar system, every galaxy, every red dwarf. After every atom has been destroyed, as you are trapped in what appears to be an eternal void, you will suddenly be greeted by a great spark and an intense burning as you realize you are bearing witness to the creation of reality once more. Your body cracks apart, your soul finally leaves you, and begins plummeting into the earth, coincidentally landing inside a pitbull puppy. Then, only then, will you be free once more from the punishment I have given you.
Click to expand...
owo, you’re such a ***** demon
 
I've always wondered if it was legal for me to beat up toddlers. My dreams have finally come true!
 
You can get away with any number. The big question is how high can you go before the toddlers overrun you.
 
Assuming I occasionally get food and drink, then I just keep stabbing them in the face until I die of old age or go insane from isolation and let them kill me.
 
azontr said:
They never will.

Their toddlers.

It isn't that hard to stab them in the face.
Click to expand...
You need to think about sustenance and sleep. After 24 hours, you’ll pass out. The toddlers can capitalize on you sleeping to kill you.

UNLESS

As you soon as your arrive find where the toddlers are coming from. If they are coming from a set location, dig a pit large enough for them to die on impact. Use the remaining bodies to sustain yourself (eating weird demon toddlers isn’t cannibalism) and use their bones to craft a rudimentary tent. You can use their skin as cloth as well as squeeze their bodies of blood for water.

After a while, bargain with the toddlers. Show them the futility of their task. Ask them if they are in direct contact with the deity spawning them. If they are, you can go through the portal which one of the toddlers spawn through and challenged the deity to a 1v1 match. If you die, at least you didn’t die to a toddler,. If you kill their god, you can usurp the throne and command the children! Spread your dominion across the world. Become the god of toddlers.
 
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