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Heyo. It's been a really long time since I last entered, and just after I had been promoted as staff. So, before anything else, I apologise. In fact, I don't have the words to express how sorry I am at that.
The reasons are all very personal, and in retrospect, none of it really justifies anything. I have a problem of avoiding confrontation, as minimal and imaginary as it might be, and it worsens a lot when I already feel like I failed. To sum things up, I had a serious mental breakdown a while back, perhaps a bit more than a year. I couldn't stand to do much in the way of interacting with anyone, and it wasn't helping that I was - and still am - on the final steps of graduation, and working on my thesis. Even after recovering, I felt deeply ashamed of myself, of my desnecessary anxiety and fear of confrontation and of interaction, which wasn't limited only to this community, but many others, including familial and social ties. In that process, I felt - irrationally - like I deserved to not return to said relations, as I always do, since I had already screwed things up, and that it would be better if I did not return.
To not be melodramatic - not any more than I am already being - I decided to just go ahead and start working on returning to my old habits at a slower, more cautious pace, and try to regain confidence, as moping clearly wasn't helping. I really did miss interacting with people here, and the community as a whole is, I think, deeply ingrained within myself. As much as I can help the community without being a burden for it, I wish to do so.
So, that's my justification, and my apologies again for my long absence. For a while I actually doubted that I'd even return, but I'm here. I intend to slowly return, and until end of terms at least, more carefully and, I hope, professionally.
So, how has the community fared? Did things change much around here?
The reasons are all very personal, and in retrospect, none of it really justifies anything. I have a problem of avoiding confrontation, as minimal and imaginary as it might be, and it worsens a lot when I already feel like I failed. To sum things up, I had a serious mental breakdown a while back, perhaps a bit more than a year. I couldn't stand to do much in the way of interacting with anyone, and it wasn't helping that I was - and still am - on the final steps of graduation, and working on my thesis. Even after recovering, I felt deeply ashamed of myself, of my desnecessary anxiety and fear of confrontation and of interaction, which wasn't limited only to this community, but many others, including familial and social ties. In that process, I felt - irrationally - like I deserved to not return to said relations, as I always do, since I had already screwed things up, and that it would be better if I did not return.
To not be melodramatic - not any more than I am already being - I decided to just go ahead and start working on returning to my old habits at a slower, more cautious pace, and try to regain confidence, as moping clearly wasn't helping. I really did miss interacting with people here, and the community as a whole is, I think, deeply ingrained within myself. As much as I can help the community without being a burden for it, I wish to do so.
So, that's my justification, and my apologies again for my long absence. For a while I actually doubted that I'd even return, but I'm here. I intend to slowly return, and until end of terms at least, more carefully and, I hope, professionally.
So, how has the community fared? Did things change much around here?
