• This forum is strictly intended to be used by members of the VS Battles wiki. Please only register if you have an autoconfirmed account there, as otherwise your registration will be rejected. If you have already registered once, do not do so again, and contact Antvasima if you encounter any problems.

    For instructions regarding the exact procedure to sign up to this forum, please click here.
  • We need Patreon donations for this forum to have all of its running costs financially secured.

    Community members who help us out will receive badges that give them several different benefits, including the removal of all advertisements in this forum, but donations from non-members are also extremely appreciated.

    Please click here for further information, or here to directly visit our Patreon donations page.
  • Please click here for information about a large petition to help children in need.

Verse Critique Thread

Yeah, sorry for not being able to critique, but I'll be on it when I can. Gotta manage my requests for page deletions of my old verse while also handling real life stuff.

Btw, Tales of nephilim is interesting.
 
I realized that I wasn't very clear before. I would appreciate if someone looked over the Ovenverse's characters and lore. I just added the lore in to supplement the lack of world building. More lore to come soon!

Tell me if there is anything I can improve on. (I know some of them are still incomplete, tell me something I don't know.)
 
I haven't been active here for months so I need to update my pages here soon, since a lot has changed and i kinda forgot I used this wiki

Xmark12 said:
Maybe someone can give an opinion o Linx Rifelso?
Click to expand...
I'm not that good at giving long detailed opinions, but he's a pretty interesting character. I think his alternate forms are pretty nice, and he has a well-written personality.
 
Hey, I started working on a new verse called Devices From Beyond and this is my first and only character so far:

BEN/The Stat Machine

May I please have some critique?
 
Just a small thing that irks me: your pictures aren't seperated by tabs.

Other than that, BEN overall is a well constructed (see what I did there?) character.
 
@Kitty imma start with the critiques first, then the compliments:

  • Some sentences you created seem to be run-ons. This is esp. apparent in his backstory. The run-on sentences I can see are on paragraph 4, 5, 6 (which is basically just two sentences if you really think about it), and 7 (you also forgot a period between what I assume should be the 1st & 2nd sentences).
  • For paragaph 4, try expressing a little more on how George wants to become a father figure to BEN. One extra sentence is enough, but maybe you can try multiple if it works.
  • You kinda introduced the personality thing way too early. Try giving hints that he'll obtain a full personality before it's officially introduced. Try saying something like "While testing, George was tinkering and implimenting artificial emotion data", then maybe a paragraph later or so introduce the full personality with the hypothesis that the artificial emotion data worked.
  • Small gripe, but the transition between paragraph 4 & 5 is pretty jarring, as it suddenly introduces summer break without even knowing he goes to school. Try doing something like "A couple [months/years] later..." then introduce background information that he goes to school now or something. Then after that continue that paragraph like normal.
Now for the positives:

  • I really like that graph down there (how do you add it? OuO).
  • The concept and execution of the concept is pretty original and well-written.
  • The structure of the profile is really well-done, and is pretty easy to read and understand.
  • Perfect balance between kinda overpowered but at the same time having pretty glaring flaws that make the character balanced.
  • Any character that's an INFJ gets a thumbs up in my book, being an INFJ myself.
Trust me, the positives definitely out-weigh the negatives, even though it seems like the opposite. If this were a VS Match, the negatives would probs be stomped via hax or speed-blitz, if that's a good enough analogy.

Overall, good job on this profile. You definitely are doing better than how I first started writing, hell, you have a lot of potential. I hope you keep on making good content like this! ^.^

P.S: For some reason, even though the pic's Tomoya from Clannad, I imagine BEN to have Kyon's English voice actor from Haruhi Suzumiya.

Also for @Ovens. I always wondered how do you separate pictures by tabs? Always wanted to try that for some of my characters. I'm planning on drawing Linx in his different forms, soo.
 
You can look up the source on some of my pages. Here's an example. Look at the top of the source.
 
@Xmark Hey, sorry for responding really late, but thank you for the feedback. I'll make the changes you recomended later.

Also if you want to know how I put that chart in, you just go to the top, click insert, and select table. You can mess around with it, making it wider, adding columms, etc.
 
@Kitty ty! Just added a chart to the Gyrohem verse.

@God-King mkay, let's do this!

...I... don't really have any criticisms. The only thing I can think of is he doesn't have depth in his character, though that's not really a bad thing if executed properly. Great shows like Cowboy Bebop didn't have any character development IIRC. As long as you balance the lack of character depth with something else, ex. world-building, then it's fine to have a "bland" character, though do having depth is a major plus.

Another instance of not needing character development is if the character has some traits that's pretty quirky, and would thus "humanize" that character. For your character, I can see that they're mainly a bloodlusted murderer, but to be honest, I don't really think he's a psychopath, but instead a sociopath that's been molded by the situation he grew up in. I don't think any psycho would spare anyone, and that's what makes this character unique in his own right, and it makes him "human". Maybe he has bipolar though, since he changes on a whim. ^^;

Everything else all in all is pretty good as well. Love how this is basically the King Arthur lore, but with a twist. Good job on this character!

P.S: What do you think about a vs match-up between the Black Knight and a certain other sociopath?
 
God-King Superman77 said:
What do you think of Odi?
Click to expand...
My first thought: Wat

After reading through though, it actually has a very compelling tale with an interesting story. The page is a bit incomplete however, and looks like you ripped the code straight from the how-to page.
 
Ay, it looks much better than before. The sentences now flow together nigh-seemlessly. Good job.

^^

There are still a few grammar mistakes, such as putting commas where periods supposed to be an the such, but those are few and far between.
 
Okay, so, I just finished working on another oc. Still practicing writing at the moment so I would like some more critique.

Nero Ejlore

Quite a long read, but still would be nice for some more feedback especially how I wanted to go more in depth on this character.
 
I too would appreciate some feedback on my characters, from my verse
 
Would like some critique on these

The idea of the verse they'll eventually be a part of is that it's a semi-eldritch fairy tale, where things aren't super powerful physically, but are haxxed beyond belief.
 
Looks like this revived

My verse, Bizzarre Fantasy which is undergoing heavy reworks but meh.

It is meant to be one day some webcomic or an animation series (if i ever get to animate) but for now it is only posted in here with some small stories alongside, see blog posts.
 
Recent comments about my work has left me thinking that my whole verse is a mistake/ waste of time. Is it just average/worse?

Avengers Alliance
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

BillyPDestroyer
Vinesauce Discussion Thread
Replies
0
Views
582
BillyPDestroyer
BillyPDestroyer
MintyBoi1
Batman’s Contingency Plan for your FC/OCs
Replies
7
Views
741
MintyBoi1
MintyBoi1
StalkerCh
About Honkai Impact
Replies
2
Views
936
StalkerCh
StalkerCh
Isaiah_ZaMangaka
Abandonded Thread
Replies
0
Views
965
Isaiah_ZaMangaka
Isaiah_ZaMangaka
DMUA
Removing Power of the Verse from Verse pages
2 3
Replies
100
Views
7K
Wokistan
Wokistan
Back
Top