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I have come to realise that I owe the staff and the rest of our community a big apology.
As a result of being severely overworked for a long time, my sense of judgement and self-control have gradually lapsed.
I have repeatedly vented in public regarding whatever anxieties I feel for the moment regarding the wiki or the world when I have been sufficiently mentally exhausted, which is highly unprofessional and unsuitable for an entertainment wiki. I have almost always deleted such messages afterwards, but that does not make the incidents much better.
My severe OCD has caused me to try to help out with everything, which has resulted in micromanagement to the point of that it has been perceived as tyrannical, even though this was far from my intention.
My autism has made me overly resistant to change, which, combined with being far too exhausted to deal with discussions, has caused me to recurrently be unreasonable and shut them down.
My slight paranoia has caused me to see slippery slopes even when this is a significant exaggeration.
And finally, I have felt so overwhelmed by the sheer recurrently 12 hours a day workload, when trying to do almost every single task available all at once, that I turned desperate enough to consider closing wiki editing to trusted members only as a good idea.
Together all of this has helped to cause an unhealthy atmosphere wherein I have been perceived as near-impossible to reason with.
This is far from my intention, as I have otherwise worked hard attempting to create a fun and positive healthy atmosphere when I helped to build this wiki, but paradoxically, the harder that I have tried to overexert myself to be helpful to the community, the less capable I have turned in this regard.
Also, all staff members should feel perfectly free to contact me in private, and tell me if I have done something wrong. I tend to be far easier to deal with in conversations one-on-one than in public. For example, I am ill-suited to handling public outbursts towards me that draw in others and spiral out of control, whereas I am open for harsh private criticism. I also deal much better with suggestions for drastic changes if I am forewarned about them, so we can first evaluate if they have negative consequences.
As I mentioned earlier, the main cause for the problems is that my mind cannot take the strain of an up to 12 hours a day workload in the long run, and still keep being sensible and reasonable, so I have to do some drastic changes in my work structure. As such I will try to severely limit my involvement in most discussion threads, and also collaborate with the other staff members regarding the new edit-patrolling script.
This both has the benefit of that I micromanage things far less and that I have no problems mentally keeping up with a 7-8 hours a day workload. I simply need sufficient time to properly rest and recover every day.
Mind you, this will be very hard for me, as I am a severely obsessive-compulsive perfectionist, and I tried and failed to do this earlier, but I will nevertheless try very hard to fight against my instincts.
I will also try to be more reasonable, less paranoid, and less resistant to change, but again, none of this will be easy for me.
And finally, I will permanently drop the dumb idea of locking the wiki to trusted editors only, and will try to have faith in the staff's ability to eventually monitor for bad edits even without my help. The new edit-patrolling script should be an immense help for splitting that workload.
I will also continue to try to help out with administrative tasks, such as restarting wiki management threads that have turned too long, and updating the navigation bar and front page links to them.
Another contributing factor to these problems is that I was used to having Kavpeny to constantly discuss any issues regarding the wiki, and he made most of the final decisions. I still discuss important matters with the other bureaucrats, and greatly appreciate all of their help, but nevertheless, Kavpeny is currently usually too busy to respond for long periods of time, and with him missing it is extra important that the staff are willing to give me honest input in private.
To summarise, I have listened to your complaints and concerns, and am willing to try my best to make a change in the right direction. However, there has to be some sort of middle ground and forthcomingness on both sides. I will try to let go of the micromanaging and paranoia, but it would also be best if you try to work with me, and not publicly bash me or turn others against me. I want to work with all of you to make the site better, rather than stop improvement.
I know I that I am far from perfect, but I am willing to try to change for the sake of this community.
Notice: No drama please
As a result of being severely overworked for a long time, my sense of judgement and self-control have gradually lapsed.
I have repeatedly vented in public regarding whatever anxieties I feel for the moment regarding the wiki or the world when I have been sufficiently mentally exhausted, which is highly unprofessional and unsuitable for an entertainment wiki. I have almost always deleted such messages afterwards, but that does not make the incidents much better.
My severe OCD has caused me to try to help out with everything, which has resulted in micromanagement to the point of that it has been perceived as tyrannical, even though this was far from my intention.
My autism has made me overly resistant to change, which, combined with being far too exhausted to deal with discussions, has caused me to recurrently be unreasonable and shut them down.
My slight paranoia has caused me to see slippery slopes even when this is a significant exaggeration.
And finally, I have felt so overwhelmed by the sheer recurrently 12 hours a day workload, when trying to do almost every single task available all at once, that I turned desperate enough to consider closing wiki editing to trusted members only as a good idea.
Together all of this has helped to cause an unhealthy atmosphere wherein I have been perceived as near-impossible to reason with.
This is far from my intention, as I have otherwise worked hard attempting to create a fun and positive healthy atmosphere when I helped to build this wiki, but paradoxically, the harder that I have tried to overexert myself to be helpful to the community, the less capable I have turned in this regard.
Also, all staff members should feel perfectly free to contact me in private, and tell me if I have done something wrong. I tend to be far easier to deal with in conversations one-on-one than in public. For example, I am ill-suited to handling public outbursts towards me that draw in others and spiral out of control, whereas I am open for harsh private criticism. I also deal much better with suggestions for drastic changes if I am forewarned about them, so we can first evaluate if they have negative consequences.
As I mentioned earlier, the main cause for the problems is that my mind cannot take the strain of an up to 12 hours a day workload in the long run, and still keep being sensible and reasonable, so I have to do some drastic changes in my work structure. As such I will try to severely limit my involvement in most discussion threads, and also collaborate with the other staff members regarding the new edit-patrolling script.
This both has the benefit of that I micromanage things far less and that I have no problems mentally keeping up with a 7-8 hours a day workload. I simply need sufficient time to properly rest and recover every day.
Mind you, this will be very hard for me, as I am a severely obsessive-compulsive perfectionist, and I tried and failed to do this earlier, but I will nevertheless try very hard to fight against my instincts.
I will also try to be more reasonable, less paranoid, and less resistant to change, but again, none of this will be easy for me.
And finally, I will permanently drop the dumb idea of locking the wiki to trusted editors only, and will try to have faith in the staff's ability to eventually monitor for bad edits even without my help. The new edit-patrolling script should be an immense help for splitting that workload.
I will also continue to try to help out with administrative tasks, such as restarting wiki management threads that have turned too long, and updating the navigation bar and front page links to them.
Another contributing factor to these problems is that I was used to having Kavpeny to constantly discuss any issues regarding the wiki, and he made most of the final decisions. I still discuss important matters with the other bureaucrats, and greatly appreciate all of their help, but nevertheless, Kavpeny is currently usually too busy to respond for long periods of time, and with him missing it is extra important that the staff are willing to give me honest input in private.
To summarise, I have listened to your complaints and concerns, and am willing to try my best to make a change in the right direction. However, there has to be some sort of middle ground and forthcomingness on both sides. I will try to let go of the micromanaging and paranoia, but it would also be best if you try to work with me, and not publicly bash me or turn others against me. I want to work with all of you to make the site better, rather than stop improvement.
I know I that I am far from perfect, but I am willing to try to change for the sake of this community.
Notice: No drama please
