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An Explanation

Azathoth_the_Abyssal_Idiot

VS Battles
Retired VSB Bureaucrat
15,614
7,054
Keep in mind that it was past 1:20 AM when I started writing this, so I'm trying my best to remain coherent while also half asleep.

A lot of you have probably noticed a significant drop off in my activity in the past few weeks. For a while, I've basically become a ghost. At least, if you only keep in touch with me through the wiki. This is due to a couple of factors. Nothing terrible or dramatic, but I figured I might as well explain myself.

The first aspect is my personal life. My birthday was two days ago, and I've been constantly thinking about how to move forward. I'm trying to figure out how I want to continue with my higher education, and the work that I'm actively pursuing isn't exactly the most stable when you've just started to dip your toes into the water. On top of that, I've been making an effort to better myself, as it's ultimately a major goal of mine to put as little burden on the important people in my life as possible. Being able to help when they need it while also being self-sustaining. That sort of thing. It takes time, and time is important. Whenever I interact with the wiki, even when my comments are fewer during a particular day, I end up using a lot of time for things dedicated to the site, both on and off of it. I just haven't had as much time, nor as much clear and focused thought, to direct towards the wiki.

But that's just part of the issue.

The other, and arguably more noticeable to me, is a steep drop in enthusiasm. The more I tried to convince myself to be active, the less I became interested in, well, anything. Trying to force myself to participate in discussions, I often couldn't come up with anything but a "sure" or "no", regardless of how much I agreed or disagreed with what was being said. I just didn't care, and debate on many subjects had gone from something I found genuinely engaging to being a complete chore. It all felt futile, due to the impermanence of any change I could pass or prevent. That killed my interest in coming back in a way that truly hadn't happened, before.

Having had the luxury of some time to mull it over, I eventually came to a conclusion.

For anyone who bothered to read this, the important part is coming up.

I'm not leaving the site. As dumb and corny as it may sound, I've met some truly fantastic people here, which has led to conversations that have enriched both my mood and other aspects of my life. What I believe I need is rest. Pushing myself on these sorts of things has a tendency to lead to complete and utter burnout, which is something I would prefer not to happen. So I'm still here, and will try to pop on every now and again, but I don't know how often or in what I'll actually participate. Ideally, I'd like to gradually build my enthusiasm back up to its former heights, but I'm not sure how long that will take.

I'll still be around, and if my opinion is deemed absolutely necessary on a certain topic, then I'll do my best to put as much thought into it as I can.

To anyone I've promised opinions on for certain topics before this point, I will try to get to them as soon as I am able, but I do deeply apologize for the delay.

To anyone who wants my input on something else, I'm not saying I 100% won't be able to help, but please understand I'm not in the best place to deal with a multitude of threads in which I often have minimal interest, and my opinion on such threads thus often wouldn't be of as much merit, anyway.

To anyone who would like to keep in touch outside of the site, you're more than welcome to talk to me on Discord, where I'll try to be less reclusive and more honest. Shoot me a PM if you need my name on there, or whatever.

Was that all clear enough? Did I make enough sense to anyone but myself?

Hell if I know, but this site has always been something I partook in for the sake of enjoyment, and I'd like to get that enjoyment back. Hope everyone understands, but even if not, you're all still great.

Lots of love from your friendly neighborhood tentacle monster, Azathoth.
 
Man I've been in the exact same spot recently. From the difficulties with higher education, anxiety with the type of job I'm aiming for, the "where's my life going" crisis of my birthday today and lack of enthusiasm/lower activity here. You make perfect sense to me. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Props to you for trying to make it work as best as you can. I'll make sure not to disturb you unless it is absolutely needed. Take care man and best of luck and wishes to you.
 
I understand this perfectly, especially as someone who just passed his finals and will have to pursue higher education not too long from now

Do not force yourself to be invested in the site,that can only come naturally, for now just try to have have fun with some of the friends you've made. Hopefully it won't be long till you've regained your previous enthusiasm for the wiki.
 
It sounds like you're burned out, & want to take a break from the Wiki. I don't see any problem with this, & it seems to have worked well for other issues.

Please, relax, & enjoy yourself during your time of rest. Looking forward to your return!
 
I could just say "oh yeah well real life comes first" and that'd be the end of it since that's always how this goes, but instead let me say something different.

First, congratulations on trying to better yourself, like genuinely from the bottom of my heart I know the willpower it takes to actually give a **** and get up over and over to do that. Not that I've succeeded. Anyhoo.

Second, I hope your enthusiasm returns. I wouldn't be so bold as to assume I'm one of these mysterious amazing people you've met on here (I suspect they're all nerds, however) but I will offer the words of "I've been there". If you lose total interest, fine, fair's fair, but I do hope this is just a sort of slump and we don't lose our blind idiot god.

Thirdly, peace Azzy, see you around in the filthy streets of the internet.
 
I completely understand because I'm going through the same situation over here. I think it may be partly due to others' reliance on you.

I'm messaged more frequently than I ever was before by others, either for an explanation about some power or for input on some thread. Obviously you can't help but ignore some of them, but the majority of them you want to respond to, because you don't want to let anyone down. You feel a bond with these fellow internet dwellers because you share a mutual interest in the same general topic, and that interest is what brought us all together.

To Ryu, same here. Though I recently got my masters last month (or two months ago since it's May) so I'm free of school for now, but before then... pursuing a higher education was very stressful when trying to manage that with this and a job all at once.

Anyways Azzy, you deserve the best so don't push yourself too much. We all support you.
 
i really understand where you are coming from azzy so you don't need to apologize for it. I'm kinda in the same boat (though not higher education :V) and kinda just trying to focus on myself more often which tbh has made me have less rest and pass out real fast. I'm passing out a lot oof Well don't push yourself too hard man just know we understand
 
I completly understand Azzy i know the feeling well of losing intrest and burning out on this hobby and i certainly also mainly stick around cause I've made some truly fantastic friends here. Funnily my birthday was just last month as well and irl stuff will be happening to me sooner or later as well.

in any case your one of the funiest and greatst people I've known here enjoy your future.
 
I understand how you feel, try to take that break. It's better to lower your activity than experience a complete burnout, and this will give you time to focus on other stuff, so even if it ends up not helping with the enthusiasm, it will definitely help you with your irl objectives
 
Azzy: "An important announcement"

Me:

Brighton-uk-24-june-2012-tense-moments-for-england-fans-at-the-long-CA7XWM


Azzy: "I'm not leaving the site."

Me:

Phew-that-was-close


Don't know why I came here thinking about the worse case, and I'm relieved it didn't happen. I know how you feel Azzy, and I'd obviously suggest you to focus on your real life for now. As soon as things start to go well IRL and you'll be in a good mood with a tension-free mind, your interest for this site will also start to come back.
 
Azathoth the Abyssal Idiot said:
What I believe I need is rest.
So what you're saying is "Azathoth is going to sleep for a while", right?

You and I talked about this some already. I know how you feel, and I think some time away from this place will do you some good, especially once you've turned your focus towards other things for a while.

Whatever happens, I hope you can bounce back. If you feel like saying some shit on Discord, I'm there as well.
 
Perfectly understandable Azzy, please get some rest. You deserve a good rest and we're sorry for spamming your wall. I also hope that you find yourself IRL and that it goes well with you. You're a hard working staff and an awesome guy. I can also relate to that very well IRL.
 
Might sound weird, but thank you.

This is my exact sentiment. I have reached a point where actually participating on the wiki is more of a chore than a pleasure, with some rare exceptions. It used to be very fun to contribute. Now, with my future catching up to me, definitely not. And the fact that we're the same age just boosts how I can relate. I am far more worried and taken up with how I will proceed with my education. This is a hobby. Real life simply isn't.
 
Well, for what it is worth, I really appreciate all the help that the staff have provided to this wiki over the years.
 
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