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Battle of fat lads: Peter vs Shrek

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Christian_Higdon

Joke Battles
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God, I hope this is fair.

Speed Equal.

Both are in-character.

Battle is in New York.

Who wins?

Shrek: 2

Peter: 9

Inconclusive: 0

Peter Griffin
Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us laugh and cry

Shrek
What are you doing in my swamp?!
 
I really wish Peter's profile had a calc linked on it, since, as is, it links to Ernie the Chicken & a video, & Ernie links back to him.

In any case, this is tough....

Shrek:

Stamina: High (After crashing through a tower made out of pure rock, he got up like nothing happened. Got kicked in the groin and after a few seconds he was in good condition)

Range: Standard melee range

Standard Equipment: None

Intelligence: Average

Peter:

Stamina: Varies from Below Average to Peak Human

Range: Melee range

Standard Equipment: None

Intelligence: Below Average (In the episode Petarded, it's revealed that he's legally mentally handicapped)

I question if Shrek's justification IS enough for High, but whatever.

So, is High greater than Peak Human? At least we know that Shrek is the smarter of the two.

In terms of Powers & Abilities, Shrek's abilities are hilariously irrelevant.

"Oi, can you believe there's a bunch of lollygaggers debating about how this fight will go, sitting in their chairs?"

"Yeah. Hey, I know! Guys, tell me how to win!"
*overly long silence*

"You idiot, they can't talk back to you!" "Oh...."

The best use I can see here for Fourth Wall Awareness is letting Shrek know about Speed Equalization, SBA ("Oh, so that's why I'm in this stupid park.") & MAYBE it'd let him determine what Peter's toonforce would do -It brings about funnier outcomes, so he could try to work with it.- but that's a stretch given his limited showings of 4th Wall Awareness being covering up the camera, & also his only Average Intelligence.

Wait.... Peter is listed as a Roon Force user, but it's not in his Powers & Abilities? Well, that's puzzling. ANYWAY....

Peter DOES have High-Low Regenerationn, but....

High-Low: The ability to regenerate severed fingers, toes, or ears, minor organ damage, and even potentially reattach lost limbs. For machines and vehicles, this would be regenerating some interior damage, along with some minor critically damaged or destroyed parts.

If it's passive, it's a minor advantage -might help avoid stamina loss by blood loss & make sure he's more fighting fit- if it's fast enough to be combat applicable. If he has to actively use it, it'll mean he has to find time for it, or Shrek can exploit that opportunity. (Supposing Peter can't just run/evade while Regenerating.)

In theory, Peter's Gravity Manipulation might let him get rocks or sticks -or maybe small lifeforms like bugs, birds & squirrels- into his "orbit" to use as weapons while in Central Park, but having a rock, stick, food object, drink, bird or squirrel or other small animal could also prove a distraction &/or a hazard.

If Peter teleports somewhere via Cutaway Gag, how long can he stay there? Could that lead to victory by BFR or rendering his opponent unable to harm him for over a day?

In theory, if he had access to a source of alcohol or radiation, Peter could power up. I'm not sure where he'd find any in Central Park, New York, though, & him using a cutaway is questionable. What would he even do?

"Woah, you're green!"

"Yeah?! So what if I am?! I'm an ogre!"

"Hey, sorry, sorry, man! It's just, seeing someone all green makes me think of St. Patty's day. Hey, wanna go get a beer before we kill each other?"

"Uhh... Sure?"
*cutaway to Peter & Shrek at a New York bar, finishing their bottles... THEN trying to violently kill each other.*

Of course, again, the problems with this are:

1. Peter is dumb enough to be canonically, legally mentally disabled; Exploiting his cutaway powers for a fight probably isn't something he'll think to do.

2. We don't know what value Peter has for his statistics, nor how much stronger alcohol or radiation makes him; His base is unquantified, as are the increases from his power-ups, & the end result power-up states themselves. So I don't think we do know if this would actually give him an edge over Shrek.

His Duplication is situational -requiring a severed body part- & if my memory serves, didn't the Duplicate not show up until Peter left, appear wary when it came to be, then run off? I'm not sure it would act to help him.

So, what about Shrek's statistics?

https://vsbattles.fandom.com/wiki/User_blog:Ugarik/Shrek_sinks_a_ship_with_a_bottle

The blog itself says 1,602,239.76 J (Wall level) but there's also a later comment that suggests a recalc (which was performed) based on Shrek's height from a video game.

With that, we get 2,408,563.90 J (Wall level)

Wall Level caps at 20,920,000 joules. Depending on which end for Shrek's AP was accepted, he's either around one thirteenth of maximum Wall Level AP, or around one 8.69th of it. (If I'm doing the math right.).

A 13th (7.69% or so) or an 8.69th (Around 11.51%) might not seem impressive, but Wall Level begins at 15,000 joules, & here Shrek is being 1.6 million or 2.4 MILLION joules; For all I know, he MIGHT one-shot Peter.


So uhh yeah. Without knowing Peter's statistics, I'm not sure how to vote. Shrek MIGHT have better Stamina, & he definitely has the better intelligence, but Peter has the better hax, albeit, he probably lacks the knowledge & maybe skill to use it, or in the case of his Statistics Amplification, we don't actually know how it will affect the match.

I'm not sure, put simply. And with all that in mind, I'm sorry for having all these words yet no vote.
 
Griffin feat are ramming a guy though a wall and surviving getting hit by a bull's charge, which i think is not very far in to 9-B

So Shrek via higher AP and skill
 
Actually Peter does have a good amount of pretty great feats. If I wasn't busy outside of this I wouldn't mind calcing them (and still might anyways because procrastination woo).

As for this match. I would honestly hand it to Peter. I do seem to recall cutaways being things he can just stay in forever. His broadway force also would help and he would in-character use it all things considered.
 
Mr. Bambu said:
Actually Peter does have a good amount of pretty great feats. If I wasn't busy outside of this I wouldn't mind calcing them (and still might anyways because procrastination woo).
As for this match. I would honestly hand it to Peter. I do seem to recall cutaways being things he can just stay in forever. His broadway force also would help and he would in-character use it all things considered.
Speaking of, I've seen some rocket ship crash brought up as a Durability upgrade basis for Peter in some of his threads. You have an opinion on that, Bambu?

Also, Peter's Regenerationn might have SOME use; Even with lower stamina, his rate of stamina use won't go as high as Shrek's, since Peter can heal SOME injuries.

And as Bambu mentioned, he might have better feats, & as I brought up, his values are unknown. IMHO, it's not entirely certain Shrek has a decisive AP advantage. And as for skill, Shrek is smarter, but both have been in lots of fights.

I'm not sure I'm ready to take a side, though, all things considered.
 
Unsure of the rocket crash. It far exceeds anything a real-life human has achieved, of course, but I don't know if that'd be his best feat.
 
@Mr. Bambu: Come to think of it, ages back, didn't you calculate the yield of a thrown bus landing vertically on top of Peter?
 
I'd like to do that again at some point, yes. I'd like to think I am more reliable now than I was then. Of course in like two years I might think the same thing about myself now lol.
 
Aside from his fights with Ernie I'm pretty certain he has used them aggressively, yes. It's been a long time since I watched the show, though.
 
Probably? I don't remember that being in any other episode.
 
Not sure. If the stuff is super canon to both then I believe there is precedent to that. Either way, that's irrelevant and for a CRT to decide. That ability isn't used in this matchup.
 
that'd be 6 for Peter. One more for Grace.
 
Alright. Grace begins.
 
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