You vs. Shrek

[Insecurity97]

• Shrek's profile

• Book Shrek's respect thread

• 4chan Shrek's respect thread

Round 1: You have no prep time. Shrek bursts through your bedroom's wall and declares that your house is now his swamp. You are free to use any of your nearby household items as weapons. Can you defend yourself from the Mighty Ogre?

Round 2: Same as above, but you have an hour worth of prep.

Round 3: You must sneak into Shrek's swamp to kill him, and you have as much prep as you need, can you do it?

Round 4: The protagonist of the last video game you've played must defeat William Steig's version of Shrek (AKA "Book Shrek"). Can they do it?

Round 5: Same as above, but it's 4chan Shrek.

 

[TheQuirkyBoy]

Round 1: I surrender my "Swamp" to the hands of the mighty Ogre. But if I even try to stab Shrek or so, he will be so angry, he will have to strangle me and kill me in the process


Round 2: I get a lot fire arms with me, and I proceed to kill Shrek, and set up traps so the ogre won't catch me. He will likely be paralyzed


Round 3: Same as before


Round 4: Ness stomps. Post Magicant Ness stomps harder with including Omnipresence


Round 5: Don't know about 4chan Shrek, but if he is more powerful than Post Magicant Ness, then I'll use Joke battle wiki Ness.

Edit: Ness stomps with Post Magicant. Joke Battle Stomps him even harder due to memes fearing the boy.

 

[Christian_Higdon]

Round 1: I probably surrender after a hard fight. I'd have to use my most powerful hax to beat him.

Round 2: Me with prep time? Too dangerous, man! I stomp.

Round 3: I OHKO him.

Round 4: Mario probably takes him down.

Round 5: Same, but a much harder fight.

 

[Insecurity97]

bump

 

[Insecurity97]

Bump

 

[HST_Master]

R1: I might as well start paying rent to him

R2: I'm locked and loaded

R3: If I'm careful enough and stab his heart

R4: Noctis curbstomps

R5: What even is 4Chan?

 

[Insecurity97]

R5: What even is 4Chan?

All you need to know in this respect thread (nsfw warning)

 

[Kiryu2012]

Round 1: Can go either way.

Round 2: Most likely I win.

Round 3: I stomp.

Round 4: Pilgor can take him.

Round 5: Same as above.

 

[Fromnono]

1. I let out an ungoldy ree, hurting him as he has very enhanced hearing compared to a human, stunning him with the noise and running away.

2. I record the ree and put it up to a speaker to enhance its stunning ability.

3.With that much prep time, I make a sound cannon to let out a ree at a frequency that will cause anyeurisms.

4 and 5: The death entity from Bio Inc tortures him without being able to be hurt.

 

[Insecurity97]

bump

 

[ZacharyGrossman273]

Fairly certain 4chan shrek is Low 2-C at least

 

[Abscoolguy]

r1: my mum uses mum power and slaps his face and gives him a time out

r2: I would call the police and get them to come before shrek comes and they can probably shoot him down

r3: I would attempt to strangle him, but his strength gets the best of me, then i scream mommy and my mum gives him another time out

r4: luffy goes gear 4 and kills him

r5: I went and quickly played a dragon ball game online, so MUI goku kills him

 

[IvoryAS]

r1: He fills me with his love

ro2: Same but I'm lubed up and preped

rou3: I would would get him with one of my friend's guns and some of my household kitchen knives

roun4: Lord Beerus Wrecks the planet

round5: IDicK

 

[Kazanshin]

Round 1: I have a goddamn stainless steel master sword replica in my room. Shrek casually breaks it and proceeds to eat my face.

Round 2: Same, ut I do 1% better via equipping my kendo gear and remembering to use my nodachi skilz.

Round 3: I get my uncle's hunting rifle and shoot him in the head.

Round 4: The last game I played was Legend of Zelda Breath of The Wild. Shrek gets vanquished and atomized by the hero of Hyrule and his wolf-ancestor-brother-grandpa-bestfriend-pet-god thing.

Round 5: Link proceeds to go Niconico Seiga Gensouiri mode and uses the power of his Touhou harem, backed by the Japanese internet, to outmeme and outcancer Shrek.

 

[Endless_Astrograph_Sorcerer]

1) I can't bypass durability beyond lower end Wall level with the things in my room lol. I can throw down with people significantly stronger than me if they're untrained but a legit Wall leveler is probably out of my paygrade, its like fighting a bear except the bear is intelligent, has subsonic reaction speed, and could probably tank a couple grenades. I've got a punchers chance if I can get at his eyes and then like drench him in household chemicals until something poisons him but I'd really have to watch out to avoid getting "Clegane'd" even if he's blinded and poisoned.

2) Ok, I actually got this. I have time to improv basic ranged weapons and traps as well as preparing the chemicals.

3) This one is comparatively easy. Not panicking will be the biggest challenge.

4) Sora got this.

5) I know nothing about this Shrek

 

[SilentKing13]

1) Since nothing in my room could harm him and i'm not the most athletic person i'd just surrender.

2) I might be able to beat him by stunning him by throwing boiling water on his face and then stabbing his eyes to permanently blind him. After that I could stab him repeatedly until he tires out. If the stun didn't work i'd probably be screwed.

3) Same as before

4) One of the Gungeoneers could turn him into a chicken, devolve him or simply pelt him with bullets while time is slowed or while they're invunerable

5) Same as before

 

[Crimson_Azoth]

1. I live in New Zealand. I just need to open the door, and Shrek gets annihalted by the moas and Captain Cookers.

2. I can use a gas canister and lighter. If that fails to work, my kitchen contains two literal shotguns. Problem solved.

3. See above about shoutguns.

4. The Summoner can use any assortmant of superpowerful beings to kick this dude's ass

5. The Summoner gets nailed. Oh dear, poor guy.

 

[Insecurity97]

Much needed bump

 

[Psychomaster35]

1.In fistfighting Shrek, Well, my best feat irl is crashing into a glass frame so hard, it dismantled out of its place, rendering it likely Wall level. Though, Shrek kills me.

2.I win via an AK47 to the face of the ogre.

3.Take my sniper rifle out and headshot Shrek.

4.The last VG ive played is some Mega Man games, and Mega Man kills Shrek easily.

5.Not sure.

 

[Insecurity97]

Jeez, there are more gun owners on this wiki than I thought. Anyway, I'm gonna respond to my own thread because Wynaut.

Round 1: I'm ******. I'm by no means a good fighter, while Shrek is monstrously superhuman, and I'm also pretty slow. Shrek's got Subsonic reactions to boot so I'm getting blitzed

Round 2: The best weapon I have is a baseball bat, which I doubt would even work since Shrek handles blunt force trauma like a champ. I sure as hell cant get access to guns. My only real chance is getting him lost, since I live in NYC. But knowing my luck, he's probably gonna find me later on anyway

Round 3: The last video game I played was Bully. Unfortunately Jimmy Hopkins is only 9-B while Book Shrek is at least 8-C. Jimbo is ******

Round 4: Interestingly enough, 4chan Shrek is somewhere in Tier 2. I've actually seen him have some legit 2-A feats. So again, Jimmy gets curbstomped. Actually, the whole entire GTA verse gets murderstomped

 

[TISSG7Redgrave]

Round 1: I have doubts but i will not go down without a fight

Round 2: I got a few things that can work so i think it'll work better

Round 3: I should be able to

Round 4: Last game i did was Under Night In-Birth and used Hyde so yeah

Round 5: Idk what's 4chan tier but meh i have doubts to win RIP