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Weirdest fanfiction quotes

Planck69

Planck69

He/Him
VS Battles
Administrator
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Basically, inspired by this thread. What are the weirdest or funniest quotes you've seen in a fanfic? The more OoC the better.

An example (slightly NSFW);

Faora unclasped her breastplate, leaving it on the floor, and in one quick move she ripped her skinsuit, baring herself, her blue eyes never leaving Kal's.
They stared at each other in silence, excited, aroused, the air filled with steaming passion.

"Do it, Kal," Faora provoked him. "I know you want to."

He hesitated, torn between concern and sheer desire.

"I'll hurt you."

"Don't be a pussy, laser my ******* ****!" Faora demanded.
 
well i'm lucky i never read a single fanfiction so your attemp to make me cringe as hell wouldn't work the second time
 
Here's a quote from a fanfic I'm working on.

"Varian, I want to ask something. Why do we need to take down this city? Why can't we just leave it like this? They must be having a pretty good life, and we're just gonna take it away?" asked Chara.

"I knew one of you would ask. Let me tell you the story of the Ruin Haunters" replied Varian.
 
Here's some good ones:

1. I find myself asking how I could have missed major things like this yesterday when I saved the game in this world. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Blood of the same texture from before was just as splattered across the desert sands as sand itself was. Solitary eyes watched me from the pyramids. Pentagrams and other satanic symbols were also infrequent in the environment. Could this hack be the work of the Illuminati?

2. In the future the world was dark and scarry. One day Combines came and noone knew why. Combines were robot things that werent robots with ugly faces and sometimes glowing eyes and slaved people in the city and made them angry and sad. Henry Freeman who was living in the city with his mom said "mom why are combines here" and she said "Henry Freeman Combines are from science and outter space and hate humens"

3. They fought and Heero won. But Zechs detonatationed his gundam and the north pole blew up.

"No!!!!!!!!!!!!" Heero was mad at all the penguins die.

4. (Gore warning) I started crying hystericly , so bad that i felt something tap my shoulder I swerved my head around .... it was ...... the mutilated Fluttershy ....... she took me by the hand and lead me to a boutiqe ....... I couldnt beleive what was happening, I thought she was just a cartoon but here she was giving me a hug to calm me down thats when I saw it ....... The scotch tape, the sewing needle ...... she ... she wanted me to help her get her face back .... being a terrible designer of clothing i started crying more and more and even more untill i felt another hoof tape on my back when I turned my head ...... i couldnt beleive what I was seeing ..... the rest of the mane 6 all completley mutilated Twilight Sparkle was missing a face like Fluttershy Applejack had her eyes gouged out Rainbow Dash had her left eye and back right hoof out of her body Rarity had her own face sewn on her and .... and pinkie .... she .. she had a ... axe She charged at Fluttershy but I jumped in front of her then I had my arm cut off by this demon Pinkie Pie then she tried to kill me but I snatched the axe off pinkie then punched her in the face, while she was lying on the ground sobbing, I did it ...... I .... I Beheaded Her I felt like King Henry The Eighth right then and there as the mutilated Pinkie Pie faded into thin air the rest of them faded into thin air I just sat there ..... at The Carousel Boutiqe .... Welding a axe in my hand .... the royal guards arrived and put me in a cell the trial was very short ...... i couldn't beleive how messed up this damn tape is ..... but what I couldnt beleive more is that I was in it .... I didnt even become a brony in 2012 then the average credits rolled with the average theme song and the average text but at the end of the credits .... there was a picture of pinkie pie ... and she had an evil grin with a speech bubble that said ..... "LOOK BEHIND YOU" I was foolish enough to look lets just say that ....

5. As the Illusive Man took a puff of his cigarette, he then continued, “You’re here because we know about your potential. According to your dossier, you battled and defeated seven of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriends, conveniently named ‘The League of Ramona’s Evil Exes.’ That’s why we spent six-billion credits – the same amount as when we brought back a soldier by the name of Commander Shepard from the dead – to build a time-machine, so that several of my men can bring you here to me.”

6. My name is kirito and also know as the madness demon (killer) kirito the black swordsman. I got my name through my hair, clothes, sword, blood, scars and eyes being black. I snapped when I was five.
 
Planck69 said:
Faora unclasped her breastplate, leaving it on the floor, and in one quick move she ripped her skinsuit, baring herself, her blue eyes never leaving Kal's.
They stared at each other in silence, excited, aroused, the air filled with steaming passion.

"Do it, Kal," Faora provoked him. "I know you want to."

He hesitated, torn between concern and sheer desire.

"I'll hurt you."

"Don't be a pussy, laser my ******* ****!" Faora demanded.
Click to expand...
Shakespeare has nothing on this.
 
Peppersalt43 said:
Here's a quote from a fanfic I'm working on.

"Varian, I want to ask something. Why do we need to take down this city? Why can't we just leave it like this? They must be having a pretty good life, and we're just gonna take it away?" asked Chara.

"I knew one of you would ask. Let me tell you the story of the Ruin Haunters" replied Varian.
Click to expand...
Wait, Varian? As in, ******* Varian Wrynn? Why the **** is he working with Chara, this fanfic is wilding.
 
From the series I'm currently making

"That guy's name is Izuku Midoriya but most people call him Deku. He's basically the main character of his universe and everyone loves him so they make him fight denizens of other universes or even people he's never fought before" Pinkie Pie explained.
"That's a weird way of expressing love to someone" Rainbow Dash replied.
 
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