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Looks fine butI think that note isn't well formulated. Mostly because multiple temporal dimensions being mentioned in the proper sense of the words dimension (i.e. as additional direction) would in all likelihood qualify by being a direct statement of multiple time axis. I would add it in more like:
That's a weird example, as it seems pretty obvious that something without time or beyond time wouldn't be serviced by any time unless it contradicts itself.
I suppose I could add something in like:
Depends on what exactly dimension means in this context. Like, if it's very strictly mathematical to the point that we can conclude that they don't point in the same direction, then it would be fine. However, per default and I suspect in most cases we would find, I would instead assume it means they each have their own flow of time which may change independently of each other.
Good evidence can come in many forms and would need case-by-case evaluation. My examples are just about the only cases I could come up with that would be sufficient.
I added the following bolded lines based on the above suggestions:
Everyone still ok with the draft?