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James Bond messes with the Zohan

Listentomyrhytm

Listentomyrhytm

He/Him
5,129
524
"Scrappy Coco" has been considered a huge threat, so now James has to put down this threat.

James Bond(Composite) vs Zohan Dvir, speed is equalized and both act in character. Bond has access to all his stuff that are up to 9-B, any equipment that goes above 9-B is not allowed. Zohan has his binoculars

"The name's Bond, James Bond.": 5

"My name is... Scrappy Coco": 1

They both become friends and share a bottle of Fizzy Bubbly: 0
 
This is an awesome match.

However we may just have to wait a little bit for anything to happen. James may be getting a physical buff in 9-B
 
Oh, really? That sounds cool. Also, glad to see that you think it's cool, I just wanted to make a battle with Zohan and just grabbed the most memorable 9-B I could think of.
 
This look and feels like Bond can't do much to win this. That kind of took abilities he has will make it very hard for bond to put him down. The regen, toon force, and resistance to pain. He honestly could get close and physically overpower bond. Zohan for now. But umm see what arsenal also says
 
So Bond is around 1 million joules and the samurai can burn Zohan to a crisp. Grenades can overwhelm his as well, not too mention sleep

What does Zohan lead with
 
Ahh true: those weapons could do that. I'm not sure what he opens with. But it says he doesn't really fight seriously a lot
 
On topic, from what's shown in the fights, it's likely Zohan leads with a close ranged attack (like a kick)
 
Been a while since I've seen any 007 films and Zohan. My answer is that James Bond may have tangled with some pretty strong fighters like Oddjob and Jaws (a lot of villains in Bond seem to be borderline superhuman), but Zohan holds the advantage in possessing extremely high pain tolerance, short-range speedblitzing abilities, as well as some toonforce durability (not getting his genitals mutilated with live pirahnas biting him in his underpants and in one flashback being able to move one of his hands despite being detached from his body).

Unless anyone can prove me wrong, Zohan should be able to win against what I've seen from Bond if it's a battle decided by death and not mere incapacitation (which I might give Bond better chances at due to his versatile equipment).
 
I mean, I can see both sides of the argument. Composite Bond has a lot of useful things to aid him, but at the same time, Zohan's style of fighting and the fact that he could easily just catch any of the sleeping darts could give James trouble.
 
Lonkitt said:
I mean, I can see both sides of the argument. Composite Bond has a lot of useful things to aid him, but at the same time, Zohan's style of fighting and the fact that he could easily just catch any of the sleeping darts could give James trouble.
Click to expand...
Speed is equal. So he isn't gonna be able to casually dodge these bullets
 
The equalization of speed does make this fight slightly more fair.

However, Zohan's ridiculous durability and soak is still going to make just about any moves and efforts from Bond getting past a pretty insurmountable and difficult task for the British agent here if the conditions of victory for both combatants is death.
 
Honestly. Bonds to smart. If he sees his opponent can take a bullet. He would resort to something that kills or incapacitates like sleep, or fire. He could only take blunt force. And even then Bond is far tougher than anyone Zohan has faced. Plus. What happens if bond goes invisible. Zohan has no way to handle that. Fun Zohan took this fight more seriously. Maybe then. But James is too smart and to well prepared
 
Buttersamuri said:
Lonkitt said:
I mean, I can see both sides of the argument. Composite Bond has a lot of useful things to aid him, but at the same time, Zohan's style of fighting and the fact that he could easily just catch any of the sleeping darts could give James trouble.
Click to expand...
Speed is equal. So he isn't gonna be able to casually dodge these bullets
Click to expand...
But isn't Composite James Bond also Supersonic reaction wise? I really don't see why speed is even equalized here....both would still be just as fast...
 
Attack speed isn't equal though. Even when speed is equal. And bond has weapons that do vary in speed. And even a weapon that downright blitzes. And would damage him spite his room force
 
Buttersamuri said:
Honestly. Bonds to smart. If he sees his opponent can take a bullet. He would resort to something that kills or incapacitates like sleep, or fire. He could only take blunt force. And even then Bond is far tougher than anyone Zohan has faced. Plus. What happens if bond goes invisible. Zohan has no way to handle that. Fun Zohan took this fight more seriously. Maybe then. But James is too smart and to well prepared
Click to expand...
Adam sandler's you dont mess with the zohan hilarious fight HQ
Adam sandler's you dont mess with the zohan hilarious fight HQ

Eh, I'm not too sure about that.


Although 99% of Zohan's enemies did pale extremely in comparison to James Bond's rogue gallery, I would still question if James Bond is more physically outlandish than Fatoush "Phantom" Hakbarah himself (the same guy who showed enough toonforce to trade blows with Zohan, hell in the beginning, he can walk on damn ceilings showing he's not exactly bound to the same laws of gravity or physics that the otherwise superhuman Bond is and he's also highly resistant to pain too).

Also, how exactly is Bond going to deal with someone who can easily disassemble all the parts of an enemy's Uzi-like machine gun pointing right at his back in only ~2 seconds? May I ask, what's stopping Zohan from doing exactly the same to most of Bond's small arms in an instant?
 
Alien Dual Blaster said:
what's stopping Zohan from doing exactly the same to most of Bond's small arms in an instant?
Click to expand...
Equalized speed, which gives Bond enough time to react to him doing that.
 
Really can't see how Bond's fighting style is gonna outmatch Zohan's. Although invisibility could become a problem, Zohan could take advantage of his Sound Manip to catch Bond off guard.
 
Simple. By being a better fighter. Like far better. He is a specially trained gov spy who takes his fights seriously. Zohan has one of his weaknesses is he wouldn't try his best. So bond is both a better fighter and taking it seriously from the get go. Since speed is equal. He won't have his cartoony speeds to take apart bonds weapon. Cause bond would have the same speed. But bonds weapons like light speed would blitz him. And Bond scales to over 1 million Joules. So he definitely is stronger. Zohan iirc only scales to about half of it. 500,000 Joules area give or take. Where bonds over 1 million
 
I mean, Zohan not trying his "best" is still him clearing entire compounds of foes, so like, he isn't incapable in the slightest. Also technically Zohan is more trained as an Israeli anti-terrorist, and logically characters who can grab bullets can still grab bullets
 
Zark2099 said:
I mean, Zohan not trying his "best" is still him clearing entire compounds of foes, so like, he isn't incapable in the slightest. Also technically Zohan is more trained as an Israeli anti-terrorist, and logically characters who can grab bullets can still grab bullets
Click to expand...
Not to mention he killed seven men when he was at a very young age. He's honestly got more experience than Bond.
 
Not saying he is incapable. I'm saying him not trying his best is going to effect him when fighting someone as skilled as bond.

Him killing 7 men when young is kinda. I mean Bond has killed lots of people. Not saying that isn't impressive. But Bond with his skills could do the same thing
 
When I say young I mean like, a child. Not even a preteen or teenager. AFAIK Bond wasn't that skilled from the get-go. He could easily do that today, but I'm just noting down Zohan's skill.
 
I mean. That still doesn't say too much. We aren't looking at early bond. We are looking at now bond. Bond really outgadgets. If a gun didn't work. A laser would and also would blitz- as would Invisibility, fire weapons, and sleep man. Which bond would be quick to resort to
 
Listentomyrhytm said:
Alien Dual Blaster said:
what's stopping Zohan from doing exactly the same to most of Bond's small arms in an instant?
Click to expand...
Equalized speed, which gives Bond enough time to react to him doing that.
Click to expand...
Even so, if Zohan managed to snatch Bond's guns away from his hands, he's most likely going to still tear them apart like a child's small LEGO toy. Plus bullets from smaller firearms don't seem to do anything more than leave superficial dents on Zohan (if they had) as evidenced when he caught one with his nose from a Palestinian gunman.
 
Buttersamuri said:
Simple. By being a better fighter. Like far better. He is a specially trained gov spy who takes his fights seriously. Zohan has one of his weaknesses is he wouldn't try his best. So bond is both a better fighter and taking it seriously from the get go. Since speed is equal. He won't have his cartoony speeds to take apart bonds weapon. Cause bond would have the same speed. But bonds weapons like light speed would blitz him. And Bond scales to over 1 million Joules. So he definitely is stronger. Zohan iirc only scales to about half of it. 500,000 Joules area give or take. Where bonds over 1 millio
Click to expand...
Can Bond top this ridiculous feat without weapons or equipment?

Arabic jihad Chant- The Zohan
Arabic jihad Chant- The Zoha


Zohan and Phantom can cause some explosions across an entire city clock by merely singing in Arabic (but granted, they needed to use their power together to do that). It just shows you the level of reality breaking that these two can pull off compared to what Bond characters can do.
 
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