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Annoy everyone,

DONT READ THIS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMOROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU'VE STARTED READING THIS. DON'T STOP. THIS IS SO FREAKY.

  1. say your name ten times.
  2. say your mom's name five times.
  3. say your crushes three times
  4. paste this to four other groups.
If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday.
But if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck.
SEND THIS TO 5 GROUPS IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU'RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH'S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY WORKS
 
this thread is blowing up lol
 
The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.

But we will do our best to understand regardless.

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.

<3

Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.

Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT. Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.

RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.

On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.

There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.

The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.

Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.

When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.

This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.

When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.

For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.

Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.

The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.

The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.

This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.

TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.

This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.

When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.

Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.

The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.

An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.

Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.

This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.

But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.

Now see, what's going on here is...

It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...

Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.

Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.

He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.

But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.

But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.

In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...

MADE FOR EACH OTHER.​
 
Oh, wow, you think you're original now? You're still a rip-off of Tails Doll and nothing's changign that fact.
 
Funny. I don't have a physical brain to affect. I don't exist unless you sincerely CARE for me, and I doubt you do.
 
There are a surprising number of similarities between the anime universe of Madoka Magica and our current economic system. I didn't just make this up, I've been thinking about it for a few months now. After sufficient time, I have made this completely up and even wrote a log line and story beats in case any aspiring script writers are interested in making an adaptation based on the idea. Here goes the theory... First, the pun between a soul gem bearing magical girl and a singularly owned sole-proprietorship seems overly obvious, but it's just the tip of the iceberg for everything about the show being analogous to some economic feature or system. There is the feeding cycle between pedestrian consumers, witch corporations, and a magical girl sole-proprietorship; where people feed witches their money, defeated witches rejuvenate magical girls' spent assets, and occasionally a magical girl that loses faith in her cause becomes corrupted and incorporates into a publicly traded C-Corp... I mean, she transforms into a soulless witch. Let's delve deeper into the contracts formed between incubators (QBs) and the magical girls (private, entrepreneurial citizens). There is nothing in a contract that obligates a magical girl to become a witch, it's simply the logical outcome of an indefinite period where specific circumstances will cause her to transform. This is similarly not a guaranteed requirement in the real world either. Indeed, Homura not only survived an indefinite number of iterations of her one month with Madoka and the others, she even proves that one need not ever transform based on her staying a magical girl past the end of the show (until the QBs forced her into a hopeless prison for the movie). The show had some natural deux ex machina law that required magical girls to transform, and reality could go in that direction too with specific circumstances. Let's say that a small business is failing and has a lot of debtors. Courts can seize the company (the owner's assets) and distribute either assets or revenues to debtors to settle the debt. If there is a single debtor, such as a bank, or is a single debtor with enough capital to buy out the others in exchange for exclusive control, such as a bank, then that debtor has total control to how the company ends its existence; which could include being sold to a venture capitalist, being incorporated and being sold via stock offering, or simply being liquidated for cash. Most banks will liquidate assets and hope to cover losses, but a savvy bank might invest in a freshly failed venture just to sell it on the stock market as a publicly traded corporation. Example: Warren Buffet's first business acquisition was an insurance company, and he bought it specifically because it had a high asset to debt ratio that he could leverage for other investments without breaking any laws. Any bank with a similar strategy might even write specific clauses to trigger this situation into their loan agreements; say for a certain asset to debt ratio or requiring minimum valuation to retain autonomy. The suspension in disbelief for this theory to work is that some bank out there would actually adopt the policy of investing in failure for hopes of a successful IPO. Failing that suspension of disbelief, we can still acknowledge that this could happen, even if we doubt that it would happen. The fights between witches and magical girls is beautifully illustrated on screen, but all that magical flash could also just be an abstraction for the negotiations between businesses during a merger. This is especially relevant for a hostile take over. Let's say that a magical girl's sole-proprietorship wants to eliminate a witch's corporation from her city. The girl might try to buy out the corporation's stock or all the local franchises if she has a large enough magical bankroll to finance such an attack. She may also sabotage relations with vendors that the witch needs to operate by buying all the local stock or negotiating prices with those vendors to make corporate activities unfeasible. Introducing a competing product is an obvious strategy too, as would introducing an alternative product that obviates the corporate product line entirely. All of those activities are going to be expensive, and both magical girls and small businesses have a limited reserve for waging such a battle. But if she wins against the witch, and merges the ownership/market to exclusively herself, then the corporation's assets can be utilized or liquidated to replace the resources spent. When Homura defeated Charlotte after Mami's failure, she refused to give the witch seed to Sayaka and Madoka; which makes perfect sense if you envision an equivalent scenario where a purchased corporation is being asked to be given to lay persons that have no demonstrated business skills themselves. Finally I draw attention to the heat death of the universe. The ticking clock that spells eventual doom for some later generation in the future. To say it slightly differently, let me introduce you to the national debt, a ticking clock that spells eventual ruin for some generation in the future. QB openly benefits from the energy released when a regular girl becomes a magical girl and whenever a witch is defeated then fed to him; but he also benefits from the much more profitable scenario of a magical girl transforming into a witch. Banks benefit when you park a large volume of cash into their reserves for regular business activities, for reasons that aren't relevant to this theory. But it very relevantly benefits from your regular payments on any loans you've drawn, loans which will be especially high if you're in the business of putting other businesses out of business. However, a bank could make the ultimate profit if it takes a nearly default company and sells it at an Initial Public Offering (IPO). This is where we get the best parallel between fictional story and real world events. Not only is that the transformation between both magical girls and witches, but also between singularly owned businesses and publicly traded corporations. Furthermore, Because all banks with US dollars purchase their dollars from the Federal Reserve (name is a misnomer, it is not a government entity), they directly owe the debt to the FedRes. So for as much as it is in the public interest to lower the national debt, it is a much greater prerogative for banks to control the expansion and possible contraction of the national debt. QB sees that Madoka has potential to be a successful business owner. But he sees even greater potential from an IPO that will necessarily happen sooner or later. What do you think? Have I been studying for my economics finals too long and I need to watch more anime instead; or am I an idiot for taking both Micro and Macro at the same time because "elective credits are always easy classes"? -OR- Is this an amazing theory that warrants re-watching the classic anime from a fresh perspective, because I'm so on point with my analysis?
 
Except most memes these days are too hard to kill.

I'd rather have somebody hug me TBH than have to kill too many immortalized memes.
 
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