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Story Time(The Game Gods Play)

Oblivion_Lightning

Oblivion_Lightning

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So if you've been around the Sonic threads with me recently I couldn't actually help out much due to me working on a story I was writing(sorry).Anyway tommorow is the day I submit it and I realize I would like some peeps to see it before I send it off to publishing and I (hopefully become a writer).It's the first half of my 1st book and might be lengthy so don't burden yourself with reading all of it.So I hope you guys enjoy :)

Note that this version doesn't have all the grammar corrections unfortunately.I also used several elements I learned from this site surprisingly and incorporated them into my story.Also I want your best memes ovo

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-sGU9wIpQn-L9DtuZ1kdouZMjXHbfrInJTYpzvizcrU
 
I wrote it

It's kinda a secret but Neon couldn't keep his mouth shut lol.So I decided to get input before I have it published
 
No offense and I really mean it but...

You might need to revise this before sending this. Like I'm kinda worried that you're going to get a lot flack for this. Like starting off explaining your cosmology by saying it's an "infiniverse" isn't exactly good story telling. People are going to treat you like Suggsverse if you try to publish this in its current state.
 
I see....The Infiniverse is a representation of what the Terrogonds view as an object as we would view something in our world.The idea of the cosmology must be explained in such a manner the idea of the Infiniverse is added in later on in the story.
 
Anti explains the cosmology of the Infiniverse when he encounters Fairaxia,Gardax and Shadowheir

IMO I think it's fine starting that way,although the grammar sux XD
 
Unfortunately I currently don't have access to posting the corrected version and this is my version without grammar alterations.Hope it's at least readable lol
 
Like if you guys think it's fine then I can't stop you. But the way you open up seems like you're more focused on how strong you want your characters to be rather than telling a good story. Everyone is going to look at the word "infiniverse" and laugh as that's not even a good name to label your setting. It's not clever, it's just a mash up of two words and people are going to find it blatantly clear what you're trying to set out to do, just make an OP verse. I don't know if that is your intention or not, but people are going to interpret as nothing more than a power fantasy.

Another thing to note is not to be too wordy when describing your lore. Opening up by just giving an info dump on your world is lazy enough, but by describing you're world will just turn your readers off. YIIK also did the same thing and it's currently laughed at by the general public.
 
I honestly have no intentions to have a Mary Sue Universe where every character is perfect.While I do intend to have powerful characters example the "Terrogonds" their power isn't what to focus on but more over their own personalities and how they work and the story.Their powers of being "Gods" is for storytelling and spectacle of that makes sense.Also the average reader isn't a huge knowledgeable person in OP verses like vs Battle Wiki members are.

If your really think Infiniverse is stupid I can change it to Omniverse instead.I just thought Infiniverse would be unique from other verse names

The narration is to set up the background of the lore it's meant to be a narration and explain the pst events which lead up to what is about to happen.Also how far have you gotten?
 
The average reader doesn't need to know what NLF and outerverse are too know when a story focuses too much on power fantasy. And besides, depending on how big it gets it's going to undoubtedly reach the power scaling community and they are going to label this as Suggsverse 2.0. And considering your stay here, I don't want you getting blasted by others because of this.

And well if you want to keep it, then you can. Omniverse also works but how about making your name more unique? You don't need to have the word "verse" in a cosmological setting all the time. For example SMT Nocturne refers to its multiverse as the Amala network.

I know your intentions starting out your story like this. But it doesn't mean it's gonna be all that great considering how uninspired it is. There are plenty of great stories that are cosmologically very impressive that doesn't start out on explanations to their setting.

But I think the best decision you can make right now, is go confront a professional about this. I'm gonna be honest this site isn't going to be the best places to ask for writing advice for this. Meet someone that dabbled over this field before and have them proof read and get into lengthy discussions of what you did right and wrong and how you can improve on them on your later drafts. If you go through that I can guarantee your story is going to be something great. ƒæì
 
I already have professionals of writing teachers,publishers, and etc whom have said it's ready and fits well.I wanna thank you for your advise as you may not think it's great right now but this is the 1st part and is honestly the least interesting of the parts.Thx
 
Thank you're for taking what I said maturely. I gave some advice to people before about this and they started letting loose and insulting me for not having a "refined palette" or something lol.
 
@HERO Though I know your giving advice I'm just gonna day that "uninspired" is the wrong word as I think it's cosmology and fantasy settings works out just fine as I just finished the book and think Oblivion should keep it the same IMO.The characters are funny and interesting and I honestly don't care about the power of the verse.

Then again it's your opinion and that's fine
 
@Neon I mean saying it's uninspired is not the same thing as saying it's bad. Saying it's uninspired means this kind of story telling has been done to death.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a fantasy set novel with a large cosmology.I personally think it's unique and would become quite popular as a story if it were published.

Also are you writing part 2?
 
Neon Battle Bind said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a fantasy set novel with a large cosmology.I personally think it's unique and would become quite popular as a story if it were published.

Also are you writing part 2?
Click to expand...
No I never said that having fantasies with big cosmologies is a bad thing. I even mentioned that there are great stories like that above.
 
Holy shit 8 more books?!!!

Also answer these questions for me pls

-Tell me what happened to Becky's parents

-Who is the brother in the journal

-Who are the Emperors

-Who is the strongest Terrogond

I really need to know!!!!
 
I think it's best you find out naturally by reading the books. It will be way more satisfying if you do that.
 
Don't worry despite my criticisms it still was a fun read. I just think with some ironing there and there, it can be absolutely amazing.
 
As someone who wants to be able to write a story one day but has no chance at it Whatsoever I wish you good luck!
 
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