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Sayōnara, my beloved friends at Vs. Battles Wiki

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Sera_EX

She Who Dabbles in Fiction
VS Battles
Retired
6,104
5,102
Unfortunately, this is not a joke nor a drill. I'm sure some of you saw my message on Zark's sever. It's all true, I'm finished. I have been a part of this community for nearly 5 years and I can honestly say, this place has brought me nothing but pain. Over the years, I have met various wonderful people. However, I made a fatal mistake in believing these people I know on the internet could be anything more than just that. I put too much faith in them, and I shouldn't have.

The truth is, I am meant to be alone. Not in the literal sense, as I do have family but in the sense that I should stop seeking out meaningful friendships, at the very least online. I am an emotionally damaged person. I have endured a constant cycle of:

Going through tragedy > getting depressed > being fed up with others who irritate me during that depression > have homicidal thoughts about those people > feel disgusting for even having such thoughts about hurting another human being > have suicidal thoughts as a result > come nearly close but come to stop myself and appreciate life more.

Rinse and repeat.

For 13 years, this has been my life. Regardless of the good or bad. I joined the site out of recommendation from my husband (who was my fiance at the time). This place was a refuge to get away from that cycle but it sadly only intensified it. I go through being accused of being a sockpuppet, sexual harassment, being accused of faking the birth of my daughter, dealing with attempts to dox me, and a host of other things—all while being a member of this community, and a staff member at that.

Additionally, tiers eventually became extremely taxing to discuss. There is still so much hypocrisy in the community, the staff, everywhere, that it became annoying to have to my force myself through trying to help manage this site out of a sense of duty.

My life seems to just be riddled with tragedy and I have found a number of reasons to stay away from a community like this (or perhaps the internet as a whole). As from experience it has only made things worse.

I feel like I'm dying and being resurrected again and again. Each time losing a piece of my soul. Friends manage to put me back together but it is simply a temporary solution.

I own a katana, for the primary purpose defense, but in my lowest moments I've been caught with that blade directed at my chest. As the pain continues, I seek more and more attention from friends. A sympathetic ear so I can just get everything off my chest and hope I stay sane and safe longer than the last time.

However as time went on, I've become more abrasive, people have become fed up with me always bringing my problems to them, and everything gets worse. Who am I to disrupt them really? My life shouldn't be something anyone else has to constantly worry over, especially when they come to this place but escape their own problems. I excepted too much from them, and for that I am sorry. However, it did not help for those people to claim to care in the first place. To say they could lend an ear but eventually grow tired of it. It left me confused, but now I know exactly what's going on...and I will have it no more. Either from others, or especially myself.

I am done with the pain. I'm done with the lies, I'm done with drama, I'm done with the accusations of trying to start drama, I'm done with people only being sympathetic once and then becoming uncomfortable later (as if people just get over hardships over night). I'm done talking about tiers and I'm done pretending staying in contact with most of the people on these servers is worth it anymore.

On my own part, I'm sick of the pain, I'm sick of bringing my issues to other people (it clearly makes them uncomfortable), I'm sick of expecting people on the internet to provide a sympathetic ear, I'm sick of my own faults as a person.

I'm done. No more. As the words of "In The End" by Linkin Park go: "I tried so hard, and got so far...but in the end, it doesn't even matter." I lost faith in others, but more importantly, I lost faith in myself to keep going. I don't care to continue on this path, or this way in life. I need seclusion and I need peace. People, however much I may come to love them, always bring me pain in the end.

To remedy this once and for all, I'm leaving VSBW, I'm leaving Discord, and I'm leaving the internet in general. I am so sorry everyone. Perhaps I shouldn't have put that much trust in you. You didn't deserve me forcing such absurd high expectations on you.

Regardless of absolutely everything I have said above, I still love you all very much and will never ever forget you guys.

Sayōnara, tomodachi

Farewell, my lovely friends. 💖
 
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To think that the person I might just relate and look up to most out of anyone on this wiki is leaving just as I realize why I respect them so much.

Farewell, Sera. You played the part well, exceptionally well, and nobody can take that away from you; and so, I applaud as you exit.

Hail and be well.
 
I wish things could have gone different a few days ago, I wish I was able to understand better your pain but it seems I'm only capable once is too late...

But at the same time, I believe you are making a great decision in leaving this place, and disconnecting from us after all these years of unpaid contribution at the cost of mental energy. Is hard to see someone who I just happen to befriend early leave so soon, but what the hell maybe I deserve it to an extent.

I wish you not only all luck, but willpower to keep moving forward and obtain a better life for yourself and the people that are close to you, Sera Loverheart.
 
I have always believed that the over-reliance on experts was dangerous for the wiki as a whole, but if we flip that then one can see how much you have done for the place.

I have always viewed you as the solemn voice of reason, admidst chaotic and petty hellholes called discussions, many did and for a good reason.

I cant even fathom the pain you must have been through aside from basic empathy from one caring human to another, so i can only wish you good luck and happiness to you.

Stay strong, for everyone close to you and your family, but as important: Stay well for your sake. This place has taken many things from you and cant repay it no matter what. So the least we can do is honor your work until kingdom comes and falls.

Thank you for your service and goodbye, Sera.
 
It’s unfortunate to have to see you go out this way. I’ve always held a high amount of respect for you, both as a staff member and as a friend. I actually enjoyed getting to see your perspective about things even if others have not, and in ways I could even relate to it. Believe me, I know life is a pain to deal with. I can only pray you find the strength to overcome your inner demons. Until next time, sayonara, Sera EX.
 
This saddens me, but I fully respect your decision.

I have known you since I first joined the wiki, and always thought of you as a very kind person as well as a fun person to be around. We first met in chat and also had some good times even if I pretty much never talked at that time. Boy have times have changed then.

But anyway, you were someone I have always admired. While we never fully agreed with every policy; though I doubt no 2 users can ever truly agree with everything. I did see how there was a lot of things we had in common. This includes similar psychological conditions of social anxiety, PTSD, depression, ect. Which I sympathize with people who have such things as I have had bad experiences with stuff like that as well. And you were also someone who stood up for me even on days where it was difficult to or even days where I was partially at fault for your stress. I even remembered you as one of the first people who recommended me for a Discussion Mod candidate saying "we needed people like me" among the staff. The other person who also gave me encouragement to become staff was Schnee One; Gargoyle One at the time though. And even then, I also recall good times with you and VenomElite being active staff.

I do agree that mass tiering system revisions here and there are often all over the place and getting out of control to the point where I find it difficult to bother, or question what I can do to help. I still to this day have immense trouble understanding how Low 1-A and above, Conceptual Manipulation, Non-Existent Physiology, ect work. And we cannot rely on people like DontTalkDT or Ultima Reality forever; especially when people like Azathoth and DarkLK are no longer with us either. But I suppose I'm going to have to work harder and cope with the main layouts.

I also agree that if we cannot really revise our favorite verses without them getting blown out of proportions or worse, if I'm the only person on the entire wiki with an in depth knowledge for some otherwise big high tiered verses. It is for that reason that debating and revising verses I am less familiar with are starting to become more fun than doing so for verses I do have in depth knowledge over. And I also get stressed with stereotypes on who is allowed to be considered a knowledgeable member who what actually determines a supporter/opponent/neutral. Mindsets that only the most diehard or passionate supporters are allowed to be considered knowledgeable; despite the fact there are plenty of favored verses I actually know very little or not so favorite verses where I'm actually the primary expert on. And same with supporters/opponents being a label of supporting every exaggerated upgrade/downgrade respectively we see. Despite me supporting downgrades for favorite characters/verses and supporting upgrades for least favorite characters/verses all the time. You're someone whom I often agree with when frustration venting of these types are brought up.

And we chat a lot regarding RL stuff and situations, I agree that you do know a lot more regarding various topics or case by case scenarios of various situations and controversies. And as someone who tends to be very open-minded despite being someone who wants to avoid political discussions. While I won't mention other examples for obvious reasons, I do agree that there were plenty of discussions people got unnecessarily upset about you due to misunderstandings, and only very few people seemed to truly understand where you were coming from. Which I was glad to be of help during those situations.

So this is a painful farewell, and I will even miss talking to you on Discord as well. However, I will never forget the hardships you had to deal with, I will support you in everything you do in spirit, and I will pray for your safety always. And I wish the same for the rest of your family always.
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Jeez...

We don't know each other, but from what I heard from others you had some problems to deal with. But... I-I didn't think they'd be this bad. And in all honesty, it's just awful...

I am really sorry you have to deal with all the stuff you're dealing with... No one should ever have to put up with problems like that, and over online stuff no less. Ever.

I send you and your family my wishes and prayers for a better life.

Saraba, Sera-san...
 
My God. I feel such ashamed of myself. For a while I noticed the rants and breaks Sera would constantly go on, and I would ask myself "Why don't you just leave?" I've even confronted her about this, leading to an argument. I was so angry, focusing too much on upgrading my favorite verses, "debunking" her claims and saying why she's wrong in rather harsh ways. Despite this, we never disliked each other and even forgave each other at times. However, I still didn’t see or even understand the potential hardships she's going through. She's a grown woman with her own family, she's always dealing with people who disagree with her about fictional characters, and she needed to take long breaks in the past. Of course she had a lot on her mind, but I always looked over that and focused too hard on the debate.
And for that I'm sorry. I'm very sad to hear of the thoughts that you've been thinking @Sera_EX and you’re are in my prayers. I wish you don’t take your life and I hope you and your loved ones have wonderful lives for as long as you live. Take care, Sera. We will absolutely miss you.
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It’s been a hell of ride, Sera. I hope to god that you find the peace and happiness you not only have earned, but deserve.

I only knew you for about a few months, but you sure as hell made an impression on me. Showed me the professional and genuinely passionate side of staff I once thought so estranged.

Keep on going and don’t stop till you get somewhere. Fight the good fight. Adios.
 
Leaving the wiki and related Discords can be a good call, this is a hobby that should be a net-positive on your life, and if it isn't you should distance yourself from it. But a lot of the wording of your post worries me, it's got some incorrect thought patterns that can reinforce feelings of shittiness ("I am meant to be alone", "I should stop seeking out friendships", "I'm sick of bringing my issues to other people", and some others that are less obviously wrong but can be dismantled upon further inspection).

I hope you can at least use the extra time away from this website and the internet as a whole to continue improving your life in other ways.
 
I've honestly been one to keep quiet and avoid expressing heavy emotions at times like these, whether I believe this as necessary to serve as the metaphorical shoulder one could lean on or something else I cannot tell anymore.

I don't want to say this post hurts me, but it does, for such a long time I honestly looked up to you and admired you, you were always honest with what you said and were never scared of saying said things, you were real to me and I felt that I could really resonate.
There were many instances where you would air your grievances and talk about your troubles and I can't help but wonder if I've could have tried to be a better friend, even if we hardly spoke and when if I tried to reach out to you I wouldn't get a response, maybe you just didn't know I was trying but I still feel that maybe, just maybe, I could have pushed harder.

You are an incredibly smart and amazing person, Sera. I hope that this decision will be beneficial for you and you do feel better somewhere down the line. Please, take care and stay safe.
 
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I am incredibly sorry to hear about all these struggles you've been going through. I hope things get better for you and I thank you for all the kindness you've shown me over the years. Take care and best of wishes
 
The guy is new, and probably just has his own way of expressing himself, I don't think he has bad intentions. He also said "I like you" on her wall randomly, but I don't think that's bad. More so it's just different from how most people on the wiki communicate.
 
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